


Taking Baby Steps

by thelesterfam (phananddragonsfics)



Series: parent!phan [54]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Married Couple, Parenthood, parent!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 22:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 56,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12419277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phananddragonsfics/pseuds/thelesterfam
Summary: Being parents to a newborn baby isn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world. There are so many things they don’t quite understand, and there’s a lot they need to learn on this journey. But at least they’re doing it together. / AKA the wild ride of Dan and Phil’s first year as parents. / Originally posted on my tumblr





	1. Month 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted on my tumblr, but I decided to move it here for convenience purposes, as some people find it easier to read multi-shots on here than on tumblr!
> 
> But if you would like to read/reblog, my tumblr is @phananddragonsfics! I have a large collection of parent!phan one-shots that this universe is based on (but you can read this as a standalone) if you are interested in that, and...I think that's enough shameless self-promotion for now lol 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“Alright, kiddo, time to strap you in – it’s going to be a wild ride,” Dan says, rocking the bundle in his arms gently. The bright blue eyes of the baby in his grasp stare up at him, curious. She does this every time she sees him – just stares up at him in curiosity, as if her little brain is trying to work out whom this person is.

Dan lets out a sigh. He’s her dad. This is his child – a baby he has waited to embrace in his arms for over a year. She’s here, a tangible being, who will be relying on him and Phil to take care of her, nurture her, and raise her.

Emily Katherine Lester is her name. Emily because it was a name both Dan and Phil liked, and Katherine because it was an alternate spelling of Phil’s mother’s name, this one being a tad easier to spell, but still able to be considered being named after her.

She was born a day prior in the early hours of the morning on the 31st of October by the surrogate that so graciously carried her for the past nine months and was the first person to hold the baby when she entered into the world outside of the womb. Dan and Phil will forever be thankful for her and will be forever in her debt.

They’d had a bit of a scare, however, soon after their little girl was born. After being hastily checked up, she was whisked away before either Dan or Phil could hold her, due to a problem of fluid in her lungs. It was normal, the nurses told them; it happened to many babies after they’re born. She just had to be taken care of, and then she would be in her fathers’ arms.

And, luckily, after only an hour or so, she was brought back to the hospital room, bundled in a soft yellow blanket, a tiny pink hat placed on her head, hiding the ginger hair she inherited from her papa. Her eyes were open, glancing around at all her surroundings, but she would close her eyes every few moments, resting them from the harsh brightness of the room.

Phil got to hold her first when she returned from the ICU. He held her for what felt like hours, just staring at her scrunched up face, adorable chubby cheeks, and bright blue eyes. She was so beautiful – to the point where Phil shed a few tears of joy, his heart swelling with such love and admiration. He couldn’t take his eyes off this precious being in his arms.

Emily just relaxed and remained perfectly still in Phil’s arms. She looked unbelievably comfortable and content just lying there with Phil. Dan wanted to burst into tears – well, he actually did – at the beautiful sight. All the puzzle pieces just fit together in that moment, and Dan wanted to capture it forever.

Well, of course, until Dan realized that he hadn’t held their daughter yet. He convinced Phil to let him hold her after a few minutes passed. Phil was reluctant, but she was Dan’s daughter as well, so he couldn’t hog Emily for too long (unfortunately).

The second Emily was placed into Dan’s arms, Dan’s heart melted and more of his emotions came flooding forward. Words couldn’t describe just what Dan felt. It was love, yes, but it felt like something much more than that, too. Something that words couldn’t express properly. It was beyond the human language – this was something completely different.

There she was, this little girl whom he had been dreaming of meeting, in his care and in his arms. He’d always heard that your world completely changes the second you hold your child for the first time, and he definitely began to believe that in that instant. It just felt like everything was right in the world – this was his daughter, he was her father, and he was now given the task of raising her and caring for her.

This vulnerable and pure little being was now reliant on him and Phil to take care of her and help her. She can’t do anything on her own – she has to rely on others to take care of her, and that’s him and Phil.

This is their life now, and it feels so right.

Phil backs away from the open backdoor of the car, where he had been adjusting the car seat that Emily was going to be lying in on the drive back to their house. He places his hands on his hips and lets out a sigh of relief. “Well, there we go,” he says, his voice sounding tired. They have been up for an ungodly number of hours, so it’s really no surprise.

And they know from stories and all this other stuff that they’re going to be feeling like this for a while, so they’d better get used to it.

“This is it,” Dan adds, walking over to his husband. “She’s ours to keep.”

Phil laughs. “What, surprised the hospital is letting us taking a child home?” He leans down and pokes Emily’s chubby cheek for extra emphasis. Emily looks up at Phil with an unreadable expression. Phil just continues to smile down at her, as if trying to get a reaction from her.

Phil is happy to say, on a similar note, that Emily has not yet cried just because Phil has held her – yeah, of course, she’s cried because she wanted food or a diaper change or attention, but not (yet? Will it ever actually happen? Is Phil that lucky?) because of Phil looking at her.

“Have they seen our  _Sims_  series?” Dan questions with a raised eyebrow.

Phil chuckles and nods his head. “True, true,” he replies. “I’m sure we’ll be fine. We’ll have plenty of people to help us, and we have each other.” He leans over and kisses Dan’s temple, giving him a gentle smile. “It’ll all be fine.”

Dan grins and kisses Phil’s lips for a few brief moments. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Phil replies without a moment’s hesitation. “Now, let’s get our new family member home, shall we?”

—————————————–

They realized soon that raising a baby was  _hard_.

They always  _figured_ it would be hard, but now that they were actually parents, they  _knew_.

Dan and Phil were told that Emily was a calm baby – Phil’s parents, Dan’s parents, Louise, their doctor, everyone.

But what they meant by “calm” was “oh, she only cries if she wants food, took a shit, or needs attention!”.

However, since she’s a baby and she’s growing and all this other stuff, she needs to be handled constantly. She might not cry the entire time, but she needs to be around either Dan or Phil at all times. She loves attention from her fathers.

And Dan and Phil definitely don’t mind – they are absolutely obsessed with their daughter. They just want to look at her and hold her and speak to her all the time and whatever. One of them is always holding her, unless she’s asleep in her crib so Dan and Phil can rest and take care of themselves.

She’s already got them wrapped around her little finger. Dan and Phil just cannot get enough of her.

———————————————

Having others help them out was a must-have. They definitely weren’t the kind of parents (it’s so weird for them to think that, yes, they have a child and they are parents) to want to try it out on their own for the first couple of days. They’d probably die.

So, for the first three days after Emily’s birth, Phil’s parents stayed over to help out. Dan and Phil tried to tell them to stay in a hotel so Emily’s crying in the night wouldn’t bother them, but they insisted on remaining in the house.

“We’ve been through this all before, boys,” Kathryn told Dan and Phil with a smile. “It’s not anything new.”

It all worked out that they were staying overnight, however, and Dan and Phil were both extremely glad that they decided to, considering every little thing that seemed just the tiniest bit off with Emily, Dan and Phil instantly overreacted to it.

“Mum, can you come look at this? I don’t think it’s normal!” Dan exclaims from where he is at the changing table in Emily’s room. They had only gotten home from the hospital an hour prior; they had fed her on the car ride home

For a majority of the time he’s been together with Phil, he called Kathryn “Mrs. Lester”. Dan can remember going up to Manchester in 2014 for Phil’s birthday, where he greeted Kathryn by calling her Mrs. Lester, even after being with Phil for four-almost-five years at that point.

Kathryn tutted him by telling him “oh, Dan, how long have you and Phil been together? You shouldn’t still be calling me that. Call me Mum. You’re practically my son already”. It took some getting used to at first, but he eventually started calling her Mum, and then calling Nigel Dad after a short while as well.

Kathryn bounds up the stairs after a few brief moments. She had been in the kitchen cleaning up when she heard Dan call her name, and she had instantly dropped everything she was doing. She rushes up to the nursery, stepping inside to see her son-in-law standing at the changing table, little Emily lied down with her diaper off.

“What’s going on?” she asks as she stands by Dan, looking down at the diaper.

“It’s black,” Dan says, pointing to what is in the diaper. It’s black and looks sticky and definitely not what Dan expected to see when he was changing his daughter’s diaper for the first time. “That doesn’t look normal. Is the formula we used not good? Should I call the doctor?”

Kathryn laughs and pats Dan’s shoulder, catching him off-guard. “Oh, Dan, it’s normal!” she exclaims.

Dan furrows his eyebrows. “It’s normal?” he questions.

Kathryn nods her head. “Yes, Dan,” she replies. “Every baby has this for the first day or two. It’s normal.”

“What is it?” Dan asks, looking down at it again.

Kathryn shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head. “I really have no clue,” she answers honestly. “But don’t worry – it’s supposed to look like that.  It’ll look a bit more… _normal_ , I guess you can say, in a few days. It’s all good.”

Dan exhales and relaxes his shoulders. “Okay,” he breathes, folding up the diaper. “Sorry; I just wasn’t sure.”

Kathryn shakes her head and pats Dan’s back. “It’s all fine, Dear,” she says. “It’s all a part of parenting.”

“Over-reacting about a diaper?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of not exactly knowing what you’re doing,” Kathryn explains as she watches Dan clean Emily up with a baby wipe, the baby staring intently at her Dad. She smiles at the sight. “Well, when you finish cleaning her up, why don’t you lie her down? She’ll be wanting to rest until her next feeding. You and Phil can go take a nap to catch up on some of the sleep you’ve lost.”

He and Phil had woken up at around one-thirty in the morning when the midwife called to tell them Emily was on the way. She was born around four hours later, Dan and Phil not having gotten a blink of sleep in that time. They planned on sleeping a little bit after Emily was born, but then she got taken to the ICU, so that made them anxious and unable to sleep.

Then when Emily was taken out of the ICU, all Dan and Phil wanted to do was hold her, which they did until they both inevitably fell asleep for a few minutes, and then had Emily taken away from them so they could take a quick nap…or so they were planning on taking, but then they ended up sleeping for a few hours, leaving them to stay up all night, taking turns holding Emily and trying to sleep, since they had the semi-long drive back home.

So, yeah, the bags under both Dan and Phil’s eyes are bigger than normal, their eyes are tinted pink, and they both look like they could pass out at any moment, even though they weren’t even the ones to give birth to Emily (obviously).

Dan pulls a fresh diaper from the shelf below where Emily is lying. He unfolds it, shakes some baby powder on it, and places Emily on top of it, putting it on her. “Will you and Dad be okay if we do that?” he asks. He could really go for a nap, but he doesn’t want Katherine and Nigel to feel like they’re going to be the ones who have to take care of Emily if she wakes up and he and Phil don’t.

“Of course!” Kathryn exclaims. “The whole reason we’re here is to help you two. And what you two need right now is to sleep. We’ll handle everything while you rest.”

“But it’s her first day home, so I feel like we should-“

“Daniel, it’s fine,” she interrupts. “When I had Martyn and Phil, the first few days I didn’t do  _anything_ on my own. My parents or siblings or friends were always over to help. Something…or, well, some _things_  would have gone horribly wrong if I didn’t have people help me and Nigel for the first week or two.” She sighs and places her hands on her hips. “I know it feels like your independence is being stripped from you, but it really does help to have others do some things for you.”

Really, it’s true – Dan’s sure that if he and Phil were alone right now, they would have taken Emily to the doctor, only to be told that she was fine and this was all normal. Also, they probably wouldn’t sleep and would rely heavily on caffeine to keep them awake while they took care of Emily, probably not even sleeping when she does (which is what they were told before Emily was born about a thousand times).

But since Kathryn and Nigel are here, Dan and Phil can rely on them to help them get settled and on their way to taking care of the new child on their own. Dan is a little terrified for how that’s going to go, but hopefully, by some miracle, it won’t be as bad as he thinks it’s going to be.

 Dan nods his head as he finishes strapping the diaper onto Emily. He lifts her up and holds her to his chest, her little head resting on his shoulder. “Thank you for being here,” he says to Kathryn. “Phil and I really do appreciate it.”

Kathryn smiles. “Of course, Dear,” she says, patting his shoulder just as Emily lets out a yawn and closes her eyes. “I think this little one wants to go to sleep.”

“Same,” Dan adds with a laugh. He presses a kiss to the top of her head as he walks her over to the crib. “You wanna go to bed, Em? I’ll lay you down and you can go to bed.” He leans over the railing in the crib and places her down gently on her back. He runs his thumb down her cheek affectionately and smiles at her.

“Why don’t you go grab Phil and you two can go take a nap while Nigel and I clean up and take care of things, yeah?” Kathryn suggests. “We’ll wake you two up in an hour or so.”

“Unless Em starts crying and wakes us up,” Dan reminds her.

Kathryn shakes her head. “You two are not getting out of that bed until we come and tell you to get up,” she retorts. “We’ll take care of everything.” She pats his cheek and then gestures to the door. “Now go get your husband and sleep. You’re going to need all the rest you can get.”

————————————-

And that’s how things went for the first three weeks after Emily’s birth. Kathryn and Nigel stayed over for two more days before they both had to return home for work. So, Louise came over during the day to help a few times, and Dan’s parents came to London for a weekend to help. They weren’t able to be there for the birth, but they had a free weekend to help them. Adrian also stopped by sometimes, too. Phil’s parents visited a couple more times as well, but by week three, Dan and Phil were mostly spending their time at home alone.

Sometimes coworkers or a friend would stop by with dinner for the two, or a family across the street would stop by and offer to take the dogs out on a walk, since the pets were mostly confined to the backyard if they wanted to get some exercise in.

Speaking of the dogs: Meme-o and Buffy have actually grown quite fond of little Emily. When Dan and Phil first brought the baby home, they would refuse to go near her, or sometimes they would bark at her, as if she wasn’t supposed to be there. But after getting the dogs exposed to the new baby, they found themselves being near her a lot of the time.

If Dan or Phil was holding her on the couch, the dogs would hop up and lay near her, sniff her, and lick her. If Emily started crying, the dogs would race up the stairs as if to see what was wrong. It was like they were growing protective of this new family member, which Dan and Phil found to be one of the most adorable things they have ever seen in their lives.

“You love your new little sister, don’t you, Buffy?” Phil says while laughing, watching as the shibe licks the top of Emily’s head, causing the little ginger strands to go every-which-way. Emily scrunches up her face at the feeling. “Don’t hurt her; calm down a little.”

“Hey, at least they’re finally getting along,” Dan says, walking into the living room. “We don’t have one of those horror stories where dogs try attacking the baby.”

Phil places a hand on his forehead. “Dear God, don’t bring those up,” he mumbles and Dan laughs loudly at his husband’s response.

“Don’t worry, Phil, our dogs are trained well,” Dan says, rubbing the top of Buffy’s head.

“You make me question it some days.”

Dan smiles proudly as he places his arms behind his back, reclining back on the couch. “It’s all a part of the job.”

————————————

Something that happened often that neither Dan nor Phil could quite figure out at first were Emily’s crying sessions.

Yes, every baby cries, but usually it’s because they want food, need their diaper changed, or want attention.

But there were occasional times when Emily would just cry and cry and cry for no apparent reason, and Dan and Phil just couldn’t really figure it out.

They at first thought it was colic. They’d heard about it and how it happens to a lot of babies, so they kept an eye out on it – if she cried for three hours at least three times a week for three weeks, then it was colic.

However, it was very sporadic – one day she’d cry for an hour, the next time she’d cry for twenty minutes, and then the next time she’d cry for almost two hours. So, both Dan and Phil and the doctors presumed it was not colic. It was just her crying.

“It’s healthy,” the doctor explained to them at a check-up. “It might not be exactly the most fun for you two to deal with, but a baby crying means they’re healthy. It’s all normal.”

“But she’s not crying for any reason,” Dan replied. “Not even because she wants attention.”

The doctor shrugged his shoulders. “It’s just a thing that happens to a lot of newborns. We really don’t have an explanation yet for why it happens. But it’s nothing to worry about – Emily is perfectly healthy.”

The crying sessions continued for a little while, the time for them going down every time. No matter how long she cried, however, Dan or Phil would hold her, taking turns every so often to rock her and soothe her. No matter what they did, nothing really seemed to help; time just had to pass, and eventually she would calm down, usually ready for a nap afterwards.

It was difficult to watch her do that and not be able to help her. Despite the doctor’s claims that it was completely normal and that they just had to wait for the crying to pass, all Dan and Phil wanted was to help her stop.

Luckily, the amount of time she spent crying for no reason went down and down. Eventually, the random crying bits ended all-together (thank God), and Dan and Phil’s eardrums were saved.

———————————–

As the days progressed, they learned the patterns and they figured out the order of operations. They established a system of trading off on duties and sleeping whenever Emily was sleeping. They relied on caffeine on the days when they couldn’t seem to rest enough, and they established that intimacy was going to be (unfortunately) out of the question until things calmed down and Emily was able to sleep for more than one or two hours at a time.

It was hard at first – not being able to spend that kind of time alone with each other. They both knew when Emily was born that it was going to be difficult to find time to be intimate, but they didn’t think it was going to be  _this long_  of a wait.

They had been  _very_ sexually active before Emily was born. Nearly every day, whether it be in the morning or at night or whenever they really wanted to be honest, they’d have intimate time together, where it was just the two of them expressing their love for each other.

Recently, the most they’d been able to do was have a little make-out session, but nothing more didn’t really happen. They’d tried, but it never really got anywhere. However, Emily was worth missing out on some of those other activities, even if it was just a little frustrating at times.

Emily is such a blessing for them. She is so amazing and wonderful and Dan wouldn’t give her up for anything in the world. Even if Dan misses having a little private time with Phil, he reminds himself that at least they have Emily.

They’re just going to have to wait a little bit longer before that happens. And Dan’s fine with that. At least they have this beautiful, amazing daughter that they have the wonderful privilege of raising and taking care of.

And seeing Phil with her just makes Dan’s insides melt – seeing Phil with a wide smile on his face as he plays with Emily, tickling her and poking her and kissing her and whatever. It never ceases to make Dan grin like an idiot just watching his husband and his daughter interact.

Emily has grown this special connection with Phil that Dan can’t even fathom. Emily just seems so drawn to Phil – maybe because he’s her biological father, or maybe for some other reason that Dan can’t think of. It’s truly magical to see. Emily’s eyes just brighten up whenever she sees Phil, and dear goodness it’s the most precious thing Dan has ever seen in his life.

Whenever Phil holds her, she just becomes attached to him, not wanting to let go. The way she just looks into his eyes with wonder is something out-of-this-world like. It just looks like they’re having some kind of nonverbal conversation or something like that. They just have this strong link between them; it’s unbelievable sometimes.  

Emily is, of course, very fond of Dan as well. The way she just melts into Dan’s arms when he’s rocking her to sleep makes Dan want to burst into tears every single time. And when Dan places his hand on her chubby cheek, she turns her head into his palm, as if she wants to get closer to him. Dan actually burst into tears the first time that happened.

They’re both absolutely smitten. They love her to death, and every day, they fall in love with her all over again, as if it’s their first time seeing her. They cannot imagine their lives without her.

One night, around four or five weeks after Emily was born, Dan was in the kitchen heating up a casserole that a friend of theirs brought over. While things have toned down since the first two weeks (Emily doesn’t poop twelve times a day – it’s more like eight times a day, but it’s still better – she can sleep for longer than an hour or two at a time, and her eating schedule has now been sorted out), friends still offer to bring the family food for dinner so it saves a bit of time. Six out of seven days of the week, Dan and Phil will make their own dinner or order out, but usually once a week, someone else will make something for them.

Phil is in the living room with Emily, the little girl having just woken up from a small nap. Dan can hear Phil talking to her in a baby voice, and it makes Dan grin like an idiot. Phil always used to tell him that he was so bad with babies, but Dan quickly learned after Darcy was born that Phil was wrong. He’s actually quite good with them.

Dan figures that perhaps one bad experience where a baby was crying when Phil held them was what told Phil he was bad with children. Phil has the tendency to over-analyze situations like that. Dan knows for certain that Phil is, indeed, very good with children.

Right as Dan sets the timer on the oven, he hears Phil call his name in the living room. The anxious side of Dan tells him that something is wrong, so he rushes out the kitchen and heads into the living room.

“What’s wrong? What’s going on? Who died?” Dan exclaims, not realizing that Emily isn’t crying. He slides on the hardwood floors because of his socks, so he grabs onto the wall to hold his ground.

Phil turns around on the couch so he’s facing Dan. Emily is in his arms, resting her head on his shoulder. “Nothing’s wrong!” he replies, laughing. “Come look!”

Dan furrows his eyebrows. “Look at what?” he questions, walking over, taking his seat beside his husband.

“Let me show you,” Phil replies, holding out Emily so they can both see her face. Phil looks down at her and smiles at her. “Hi, Emily! Hi, Baby!” he says in his baby voice.

Emily, to Dan’s surprise, smiles in response. The corners of her lips turn upwards, and her mouth opens slightly, revealing a toothless grin. She makes a gurgling sound as she stares at her papa, who is grinning back at her.

Dan lets out a sound that’s a mix between an exhale and a cough. “Wait, she can smile?” he asks. “She’s smiling?”

Phil nods his head eagerly. “She just started doing it,” he replies. He holds Emily out in front of Dan. “Try it!”

Dan peers down at her. She’s glancing up at him, her smile now having disappeared. Dan grins at her, poking her cheek. “Hey, Baby,” he says in a higher and softer voice. “Hey, Darling, how are you doing?”

“Wanna smile for your dad?” Phil adds, leaning his head against Dan’s.

Just as she did a few moments prior, Emily smiles, her blue eyes gleaming in the lights in the room. Dan laughs and leans down, rubbing his nose against hers. “Is she supposed to be smiling by now?” he asks as he takes the baby out of Phil’s arms.

“I don’t know,” Phil replies. “I didn’t think she would be able to for a while, to be honest. I’ll have to check with the doctor.” He runs his thumb across the top of her head, where light ginger strands of hair lay. “But, if I’m being honest, I’m glad she is smiling.”

“She’s so freaking adorable,” Dan says, kissing the tip of her nose. “I could honestly just stare at her all day.”

“You kinda do already,” Phil retorts. “And you do that with me, too; do you know how many ‘Heart-Eyes Howell’ compilation videos there are?”

Dan elbows Phil gently in his side. “Shut up!”

Phil smiles and drapes an arm around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him close. Dan rests his head under Phil’s chin, bringing his legs up onto the couch. He curls himself into Phil, feeling so at ease just being with him and Emily. He always feels so much better when he’s with them.

He smiles. “I’m so happy,” he whispers.

Phil presses a kiss to the side of Dan’s head. He rubs Dan’s shoulder gently, calming Dan down in a way that Dan will never be able to figure out. “I’m excited.”

Dan looks up at Phil and smiles fondly. He presses a kiss to Phil’s chin, unable to help himself. “I love you.”

Phil grins in response and kisses Dan’s lips gently. “I love you, too.”


	2. Month 2

The first of December was a busy day for the Lester family.

It was the Christmas season officially – Christmas movies were constantly playing, carols were streaming through speakers, and Christmas cards were being sent in the mail. Everyone seemed to get grumpier with the changing of weather, and stores were packed with people buying gifts for friends and family. The festive season had arrived.

However, Phil would beg to differ, saying it started already in November, much to his traditionalist husband’s dismay. Phil has been trying to convince Dan – who believed they couldn’t start celebrating Christmas until December – to let him put up decorations in November.

“But it doesn’t feel right to start celebrating this early,” Dan complained. “I need it to be December for it to feel right.”

“But  _Christmas_ , Dan-“

“That’s not how you argue, Phil!”

Phil ended up going along with what Dan wanted – setting up decorations on the first of December, but Phil asked if they could set them up in November next year, switching between them each year. All Dan did was shrug his shoulders and say the dreaded “we’ll have to wait and see”. Phil wasn’t too happy about that.

But, on the first day of December, after breakfast, coffee, anime, and feeding/changing Emily, the couple began pulling out boxes of decorations from their basement, each of them filled to the brim with tinsel, baubles, fairy lights, and of course, the rave tree, which has still somehow managed to survive all these years.

Emily, dressed up in a cheesy Christmas onesie, lays on a baby mat on the floor, watching as her fathers untangle Christmas lights, find all the non-broken baubles, and sort out all the tinsel, ending up just draping them over each other.

Christmas carols are playing softly through the speakers of Phil’s laptop, and their phones are charging next to each other in the bedroom because Phil insisted that this just be a family affair – just a few hours without the internet or whatever. Dan found it ridiculously cheesy but went along with it anyway – he has a really hard time telling Phil “no”.

“This’ll be Emily’s first Christmas!” Phil exclaims enthusiastically as he works to untangle a strand of white Christmas lights. “I’m so excited for her!”

“She won’t remember it,” Dan points out, raising an eyebrow at his husband. He’s seated near Emily, sifting through a box that is full of ornaments for their tree.

“Let me enjoy this special occasion, okay?” Phil replies jokingly. “I bet when she actually understands what’s going on, she’ll be just as enthusiastic as I am about Christmas.”

“Oh, so where she’ll want to team up with you against me and have us put decorations up in November? Is that what this is about?” Dan asks, faking an annoyed voice, though really he just finds it amusing just how desperate Phil is to get into the festive season early.

Phil nods his head proudly. “Yes!” he exclaims.

Dan rolls his eyes, and then turns his attention to one-month old Emily, poking her cheek. “Now, Em, I know you can’t understand a word I’m saying, but your papa is incredibly obsessed with Christmas, so I’m just saying that we should make a pact against him-“

“Hey!”

“-where anything Christmas related doesn’t start until December, because literally the day we took you home from the hospital, he was playing Christmas music-“

“It was nice!”

“-and I think Christmas is something that should be solely celebrated in December. So, we’re going to make a pact and agree that we’re against him and his uncivil ways.” He reaches down and shakes Emily’s hand. “There. It’s set.” He turns to his husband and points at him. “And you’re the witness.”

Phil frowns and crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t like this.”

Dan smiles smugly and turns back to his work.

————————————-

Emily has been a part of the Lester family for a month now, which is quite insane for both Dan and Phil to think about. Time has just been flying by – it feels like just yesterday they were visiting the surrogacy center for the first time, the thought of a baby only a dream. Now, it’s a reality.

Things have gotten slightly easier for the couple. Emily is able to sleep for longer periods of time, the amount of time in-between feedings is going down, et cetera. Dan and Phil are trying to adjust to Emily’s changes every single day.

A major adjustment the family had to make was Dan and Phil needing to return to work again.

They’d been working from home as much as they could while simultaneously trying to survive the first month with their new child (meaning, in laymen’s terms, that they didn’t get a whole lot done). It was hard, as expected with a newborn child and a lot of tedious editorial work needing to be completed. There were days were they could not get a single piece of work done because they were looking after Emily during a crying session or when she couldn’t fall asleep.

By a month after Emily’s birth, they were desperately needed back at BBC, meaning their paternal leave was over, which caused the question of what do they do with Emily while they’re at work?

They considered taking her with them – having her sit in one of their offices with them while they went about their day. But a month-old baby was needy and needs constant attention, so, as it had been, it would be exceptionally difficult to get work done.

And of course there was Dan’s anxious side that would ask questions like “what if we don’t bring enough formula”, “what if she starts crying in the middle of something really important and we have to stop everything and restart”, et cetera.

So, they agreed that taking her with them to work wasn’t the best option. Some parents are able to do it, but Dan and Phil just didn’t think it was the greatest idea in the world for their occupation.

After debating many options, they decided that they were going to leave Emily in the care of Martyn and Cornelia, who so graciously offered to take care of her while Dan and Phil went to work. The two worked from their home, so it wouldn’t really be that big of a deal – plus, they loved their little niece and were more than willing to watch over her. And, of course, Dan and Phil trusted them to watch over her and take care of her. Sometimes if Louise had a free day, she’d watch Emily, or sometimes Phil’s parents would come down and be able to look after her.

Dan and Phil were able to return to work pretty soon after December started. It was weird being back – yeah, they’d stopped by with Emily once after she was born and sometimes one of them had to make a quick stop in there to grab something, but now they were actually back to working in their offices.

Their offices were situated on the same floor in the same hallway, just a few doors down from each other, meaning they were with each other constantly. Their coworkers joked that if they had offices right next to each other, they literally wouldn’t get any work done. Dan and Phil honestly had to agree.

But, for the first few days, they spent a lot of their time together in one of their offices. They were trying to get used to being back, and it was easier to talk it through with each other. It was hard being away from their newborn for hours at a time, four to five days a week, and it was hard sometimes to remained focused when all they were thinking about was how Emily was doing.

To ease some of their anxieties, Martyn and Cornelia would send Dan and Phil pictures and videos throughout the day, like when something cute or funny happened with the little baby, which never ceased to brighten Dan and Phil’s days. When they’d pass each other’s offices on the way to their respective one, they’d show what Martyn and/or Cornelia sent them, sharing a laugh before continuing with their work. It helped keep things stress-free and relieved a lot of their worries.

“Dan, Dan, come look at this!” Phil exclaims as he hears his husband walk past his open office door. He is staring intently at his phone instead of at his computer screen, like he really should be doing right now. But, like mentioned previously, it’s sometimes a little hard to do work with a newborn daughter at home.

Dan backtracks and steps into the small room. He smiles as he walks over to Phil, already knowing he’s going to show him a cute picture of Emily. Phil shows the screen to Dan, revealing the image of Emily smiling widely at the camera, her blue eyes big and bold just as they always are.

Dan lets out an “aww” when he sees the image, and his smile grows even wider. “She’s precious,” he says, pulling out his own phone to see if Martyn sent it to him as well. Dan grins when he sees that he did. That just might be his new home screen wallpaper on his phone.

His lock screen is of him and Phil when they went to Japan for the second time for their honeymoon. He can’t remember where exactly they took this picture – it must’ve been in some garden of some sort, and some guy who had been walking by offered to take the picture for them. But, it’s the two of them standing incredibly close, Phil’s arm around Dan’s shoulders, and Dan’s hand on Phil’s chest, his silver wedding ring clearly visible in the light. They have wide smiles on their faces and they remember just being so in love during that trip – not like they weren’t in love all the time (hint: they are), but it was, like, the honeymoon phase. Their family is still trying to tell them that they’re still going through that. They don’t deny it.

His home screen wallpaper is of him and Phil holding Emily in the hospital on the day she was born. It was taken by Phil’s mum only an hour or so after she was brought back from the ICU, meaning she had been born two hours prior. Dan and Phil were seated on the couch in the room, shoulder-to-shoulder, with bundled-up Emily in Phil’s arms, the baby’s eyes closed tightly, as she was probably sleeping or trying to sleep. He and Phil look unbelievably tired – the bags under their eyes, the less-than-perfect posture, and the disheveled hair and clothes. But, the grins on their faces just show how happy they are to be there. Dan’s heart warms whenever he sees the picture – he can remember clearly just how much love he was feeling in that moment right there.

He sighs and shakes his head. “Only a few more hours.” He sits down on the armrest of Phil’s chair, draping his arm over the top of the chair behind Phil’s back.

“Can’t it go by faster?” Phil complains, resting his head on Dan’s arm. Dan begins combing his fingers through Phil’s hair, the black color not as “vibrant” – if that’s even an accurate word to describe black – as it used to be and the ginger roots are starting to become visible, since Phil hasn’t found the time to re-dye it. Both of them need to have their hair trimmed desperately, which they’re probably just going to end up doing themselves to save some time.

“I wish,” Dan replies, kissing Phil’s forehead. “Have you been getting your stuff done?”

Phil nods his head. “Hard to when Martyn keeps sending pictures of Emily and you keep walking by.”

Dan snickers and rolls his eyes. “Dude, we’ve been together for, what, a billion years at this point? How am I still able to distract you from your work?”

Phil shrugs his shoulders and keeps a smile on his face. “Daniel, darling, love of my life, I don’t see how it’s possible to not be distracted by you,” he replies.

“You’re so fucking cheesy,” Dan says, leaning down, brushing his nose against Phil’s, their foreheads resting on each other’s. He hums and presses a quick kiss to Phil’s lips. “Well, I should let you get back to work. And I’ve got my own stuff to finish.”

Phil pouts as Dan pulls away. “Do you  _really_  have to leave?” he asks.

Dan nods his head as he hops off the chair. “Unfortunately, I have to go and be productive with my life,” he answers. He smirks as he pulls out his phone, setting it down on Phil’s desk. “But, perhaps, soon I will remember that I left my phone in here, so I’ll just  _have_  to come back in here to grab it.” He rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. “How stupid of me.”

Phil laughs, sticking his tongue out from between his teeth. “It’s just too much work to come back in here, where you’ll probably have to talk to me again. How horrible.”

“Torturous, really,” Dan says. He walks back over and kisses Phil’s lips swiftly. “Well, I’ll leave you to your work.”

“See you in an hour when you realize you’ve left your phone in here?” Phil suggests as Dan walks over to the door.

Dan laughs and nods his head. “Of course. Love you and get some work done.”

“Love you, too!” Phil calls as Dan leaves the room.

Of course, there were days when both Dan and Phil wished they could stay home and snuggle their newborn instead of being stuck in meetings or staring at a screen constantly (unfortunately not to look at Tumblr). Who wouldn’t want to do that instead of anything else in the world?

And sometimes they’ll get anxious, wondering if Emily is doing okay or asking themselves if they forgot something in the baby bag when they dropped her off with Martyn and Cornelia. Did they remember to tell them that Emily, for whatever reason, seems to prefer the purple pacifier, not the pink one? Were they checking for cradle cap? Were they making sure Emily doesn’t have any objects around her when she’s napping?

Those thoughts would get over-whelming, as one might guess. It’s hard to concentrate on what you’re meant to be doing when you don’t know exactly what’s going on with your newborn child. They can’t help but think those things, even when they know she’s in capable hands. They trust those who are looking out for her, but sometimes…

When those thoughts would happen and wouldn’t go away, they’d just go to the other person’s office and talk it out. The other would remind them that Emily was in good care and everything was going to be just fine, and that if something really was going wrong, they’d get a phone call. Everything was going alright, and in just a few hours, they’d get to be with their baby girl again.

After the short pep talk, everything would go back to normal, and everything would be right in the world.

It sometimes was incredibly difficult to deal with, but at least they have each other to tell them that this is all fine and everything is okay. Sometimes that little reminder is a necessity in this stage of raising a newborn.

———————————————–

Sometimes Emily does things that might seem amusing to everyone else but Dan.

“Remind me to never burp Em when I’m wearing an expensive piece of clothing and she’s not aiming for the spit rag,” Dan announces as he marches past the parlor, shirtless, and with his jumper in his hands.

Phil, who had been sitting in the parlor typing away on his laptop, furrows his eyebrows when he hears his husband walk by. “What happened?” he calls, setting his laptop down on the couch. He gets up from his seat and follows Dan down to the basement of the house, where their washing room is.

When he gets down there, Dan is spraying the right shoulder of his jumper with cleaner, covering the slightly tinted green stain with the cleaner. “Which shirt was it?” Phil asks.

“The potato sack,” Dan replies, throwing the jumper into the open washing machine angrily. “You know the one that Adidas sent me that is worth over a thousand pounds and they don’t sell it anymore? Yeah, that one.” He groans as he pours some detergent into the machine, and then closes the top, turning it on.

“Oh, no,” Phil says, though he’s smiling and trying to hold back a laugh at the same time.

“Don’t give me that look! That jumper was fucking expensive!” Dan exclaims, crossing his arms over his chest, pouting.

Phil puts his hands up in defense. “Hey, at least it was PR and you didn’t buy it yourself,” he reminds.

“Still!” Dan exclaims.

“And stains come out.”

“Not always,” Dan counters, pointing a finger at Phil. “And I’m afraid baby vomit isn’t going to come out of that.”

Phil swats the air with his hand. “It’ll be fine, Dan. Plus, it’s really  _just_  a jumper. You can get a cheaper one that looks almost identical from anywhere. I’ll get you one for Christmas.” He pauses for a few moments. “And wait, I thought you weren’t wearing that jumper anymore. I mean, it was, like, sitting in the back of the closet for the longest time, and I’m pretty sure you haven’t worn it in, like, two years.”

“All my other jumpers need to be washed,” Dan explains, shrugging his shoulders. They’ve been pretty bad about doing laundry lately, as one might imagine – their laundry machine is usually taken up by Emily’s onesies, and rarely do Dan and Phil actually get to wash their own clothes. “And I was cold.

“Take one of mine?” Phil suggests, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world (hint: it is).

“I’m about to,” Dan replies, nodding his head. He exits the laundry room without another word, the sound of him walking up the stairs being heard only a few moments afterwards.

“…you didn’t say ‘please’!”

—————————————————–

Over these past few weeks, Dan and Phil have learned that Emily is an exceptionally clingy child. Like, they knew she loved being held from the moment they met her, but they never realized just  _how much_  she loved being held until recently. Like, she needs to be held almost at all times. She is a very attention-seeking child.

“She wanted to be held,” Phil says tiredly as he adjusts the glasses that are slipping from his nose. Emily is in his other arm, resting comfortably and flexing her fist every few seconds, an action she just recently figured out how to do.

It’s three in the morning, and he and Dan had just been woken up by the sound of Emily crying in the nursery. It was Phil’s turn to go see what was the matter – he didn’t think she needed to be fed, since she had just gotten fed, which would also mean that her diaper didn’t need to be changed yet. So, what was the problem?

She wanted to cuddle with her parents. Not a problem at all, really.

Dan sits up in the bed, yawning as he stretches his arms up in the air. “Such the attention seeker,” he says jokingly. He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. There’s a dip in the bed, and Dan pulls his hands away to see Phil sitting next to him, turning the lamp on his nightstand on, giving the room a dim glow.

“It’s terrible, really,” Phil responds, shifting so his and Dan’s sides are touching, their legs bumping against each other’s. Phil pulls his knees up and rests Emily’s back against his thighs, propping her up so both him and his husband are able to see her. “But I think we can take care of it.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Dan adds, reaching over to stroke her face. “Hi, baby; can’t sleep?” He shakes one of her feet, which is covered by a loose green sock. Emily stares up at him, and Dan grins down at her. “You wanted to wake your daddy and papa up for playtime, huh? Have us lose some sleep? Well, lucky for you, we can handle that.”  

“Indeed we can,” Phil says, pressing his lips to the crown of the baby’s head. Emily blinks up at him, as if trying to figure out what he was doing. This only prompts Phil to kiss her face several more times, causing the little girl to smile in response to the affectionate touches. She hasn’t yet learned how to laugh, but they’re sure that if she was able to, she would be doing that right now.

Dan grabs Emily’s hands once Phil has finished, and he claps them together, Emily smiling even wider. He stretches the little arms above her head, waving them around gently. The doctor told them at her one month checkup that this is around the time where Emily begins to discover how her body moves, so it helps to move her arms and legs for her – she’ll discover a lot easier how to move those all on her own.

They do that for a little while, as well as doing an activity with her that involves holding a toy or something of the sort above her head, encouraging her to reach for it. She doesn’t yet reach for it, but she’ll gladly hold it if it is handed to her. Eventually she’ll start to recognize that she has the ability to reach up for it.

They also let her lay on her stomach and have what the doctors dubbed “tummy time”, where she gets a few minutes every day to lay on her stomach, in which she’ll try to lift her head (and eventually her arms) so that she can look up. She is meant to do it a few times a day for a few minutes, and she’s technically already done it for the day, but Dan and Phil figured one more time wouldn’t hurt, and it also might help her get tired and want to go to bed.

After that, the three of them shared a few more cuddles – Dan holding Emily and Phil with his arms wrapped around his husband. They doted over her, giving her kisses and hugs, which both calmed her down immensely, her little eyelids dropping down further and further with each affectionate touch.

And somehow, all three of them managed to fall asleep, tangled up in each other – Phil with his arms around Dan, and Dan on his back with Emily lying on his chest, curled up tightly and clasping to him. Their blankets were sprawled out at their feet and the dogs rested comfortably at the foot of the bed.

It wasn’t the greatest sleep in the world, but at least it was some form of it, really. That was a blessing.

Dan and Phil woke up at around seven to Emily squirming around on Dan’s chest. She looked at them with her big blue eyes and a giant toothless smile. She seemed far more awake than Dan and Phil, who both desperately wanted to return to bed and sleep for a little longer.

“Why’re you so smiley this morning, Em?” Dan questions, running a hand over the strands of hair on her head. “You seem so happy.” He pokes her nose, and she closes her eyes for a few brief moments, and then opens them again. Then, Dan frowns.

“Wait…you shit yourself, didn’t you?”

Emily’s smile just gets wider.

“Yep.”

———————————————-

Christmas time came quickly – quicker than both Dan and Phil had anticipated. It felt like the winter season had just started when they were suddenly frantically ordering presents for friends and family, booking train tickets, and making a cheesy Christmas card the week of the holiday.  

Last year, it had been Dan and Phil’s first Christmas as a married couple, they spent the actual holiday at their home with their dogs and each other. They’d never had a proper celebration of Christmas together, even after having been together for a billion years. They’d never had the chance to celebrate together on the actual holiday.

Before they were out to the internet, they would just go to their respective families on the holiday in order to not stir up any questions or theories from fans. Together, they’d just celebrate Christmas early, which never felt quite right, but it’s what they had to do; they didn’t want to celebrate it  _after_ the actual holiday, because by that time, they were already in the New Year.

But, last year, they were actually able to spend the day with each other and their dogs. They visited Dan’s family for a day on Boxing Day, and then spent three days after that in Manchester with Phil’s parents, and then spent New Year’s at home. It worked out fairly well – they were able to celebrate with each other’s families while actually having the holiday for themselves for once.

This year, luckily for them, was working in a very similar way, and it just made the season so much more enjoyable, considering they were actually able to be together as their own little family on such a big, special holiday.

Dan smiles as he looks around the living room – he and Phil are dressed in Christmas jumpers and pyjama bottoms, Emily is in a cheesy Christmas onesie, and the dogs are snoozing away on the couch, a blanket draped over the two of them. The smell of Phil’s cinnamon candle from his advent calendar is drifting through the room,  _A Charlie Brown Christmas_  is playing on the tele, and the jumper that is strikingly similar to the Adidas one Dan had to throw out sits next to him. All feels peaceful and homely, and Dan knows he’s going to be wishing for every Christmas to be just like this one.

They’ll be traveling to Wokingham the day after tomorrow, just for a short day visit with Dan’s parents, grandparents, and brother. From there, they’ll head straight up to Manchester and spend two or three days there with Phil’s parents, Martyn, and Cornelia, and then they’ll come back home before the New Year.

He lets out a sigh of relief. Words can’t describe just how at peace he feels currently.

Phil places a hand on Dan’s knee, squeezing it tightly. “You got everything you wanted?” he asks quietly.

Dan doesn’t hesitate to nods his head. “And then some.”


	3. Month 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: mentions of sex

Dan and Phil stand beside each other, watching as fireworks light up the distant sky. Glasses of some uber-expensive-wine that Dan insists on buying for special occasions are in their hands, and the muted tele beside them is turned on, brightening their pale wall. They’re in their pyjamas, probably going to head to bed once they’re done watching the spectacle outside…

…well, Emily’s probably going to need something the second they rest their heads on the pillows, but they can handle that.

11:59 PM. One minute until the New Year.

So much happened to them last year. They got their BBC jobs, they grew to become activists in the LGBTQ+ community after coming out to their audience that previous year, their audience grew bigger and bigger, they had their first full year of being a married couple, and, of course, they had Emily.

This time last year, Emily had merely been an idea. She hadn’t come into any form of existence yet – she was just a thought that was hopefully going to become a reality. She didn’t exist at this point last year, which feel so weird to think about. But, by some miracle, she’s here, she’s their daughter, and they’re her fathers.

It’s so weird to imagine their life without her at this point. She’s only been with them for two months, yet she’s had such an impact on their lives, even without the ability to do much on her own. Just her being here has changed their outlook on life.

They’re so unbelievably lucky to have her.

As the seconds tick down until the clock hits 12, Dan and Phil turn and look at each other, fond looks on their faces. They’re unbelievably lucky to have each other as well. They’ve been through so much together – ups and downs and every twisty-turning path possible. They’ve stuck with each other through it all.

They have so much ahead of them – their next year of marriage, the next months of raising Emily, et cetera. Life is moving quickly, but Dan is making sure that this next year, he is going to savor every single moment he has in this wonderful life. He’s seriously the luckiest man alive.  

He can’t wait to see where this next year takes them.

_3…2…1…_

Dan and Phil press their lips together right as the clock strikes 12, signaling the beginning of the New Year. More fireworks go off in the distance, and the cheering from the people out on the streets of London are loud, but Dan and Phil are focused solely on each other in this little moment he has with Phil.

He read somewhere that what you’re doing when the New Year hits is a reflection of how your year is going to go. Dan hopes that in this coming year, he’ll learn to love more and to cherish more. He’s always been one to constantly think about how life is short and goes by unbelievably quickly, and he’s starting to realize that it’s actually incredibly true.

And what he wants to do is make sure that he captures every little moment he has so he can spend as much time as possible with this wonderful life that he is so blessed to have.

They rest their foreheads against each other’s after their kiss ends. They grin at each other, blue eyes staring into brown.

“Happy New Year, Bear,” Phil whispers.

“Happy New Year, Phil.”

———————————————

Unfortunately, the festivities didn’t last much longer.

Two days after New Year’s Day, Dan and Phil had to bring Emily in for her two-month check-up, which they weren’t able to do earlier due to the holiday season. Normally, a check-up wouldn’t be a bad thing – they’d take her measurements, do a physical, ask a few questions, and they’d be on their way.

However, at this check-up, something new was happening – her first immunizations.

Now, Dan and Phil have been told multiple times that little Emily is incredibly calm, only crying when she needs her biological needs taken care of or when she needs attention, minus that one time last month where she had those random crying bits for no reason. She is generally very quiet and doesn’t react too-too much to anything crazy or out-of-the-ordinary.

But this might be a different story, and they can already tell that because it’s at the end of her examination, meaning it’s time for the vaccinations. She’s just received her rotavirus immunization, which was done orally, and now she’s in tears.

Phil holds her tightly in his arms, patting her back rhythmically. Dan, who is seated right beside Phil, runs a hand up and down the length of the back of her head. Emily’s face is bright red, her cries loud and her tears hot. She sounds like she’s in so much pain, and Dan and Phil can’t help but grimace at the piercing shrieks.

She hasn’t even had her actual shots yet. How will she handle those?

“Ssh, Baby, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Phil whispers in his little girl’s ear. Emily unfortunately only sobs harder, her face burying in Phil’s neck. “It’s okay, Em. We’ve got you. It’s okay.”

Dan leans over and kisses the top of her head multiple times. “It’s all okay, love,” he says to her. “You’re fine. You’re okay.”

She eventually calmed down after a few more minutes of comforting touches and words from her parents. While she’s not yet able to fully comprehend everything that was said to her, Dan and Phil believe she’s starting to realize that “I love you” and “it’s okay” among similar phrases are words of affection and security – saying those things to her are actually very helpful when having to calm her down.

But, things were not going to remain as calm as they are now – that much Dan and Phil knew for sure.

To help her get more comfortable, they sat her down on Phil’s lap instead of having her lay down on the examination table. Phil’s hands were holding her up and her back was resting against his chest, leaning into him. Dan knelt down in front of her, holding onto one of her hands, her little hand grasping tightly to his thumb. Her favorite pacifier was in her mouth, and her tears were dried, none falling anymore, though they’re positive more are going to fall in the coming minutes.

“Okay, so we’re going to be doing two shots today,” the doctor announces when he walks back into the room a few moments after getting Emily more comfortable. “We’ll try and get them done as quickly as possible. We’ll give you two a few minutes in-between them to comfort her, okay?”

Dan and Phil both nod their heads, and they both tighten their grasps on their daughter. They’re very nervous for how this is going to go – it’s probably not going to go very well. What young, innocent baby would enjoy having a needle stuck in their arm? Even Dan and Phil, who are grown men, don’t like it. Most people don’t like it at all.

Within a matter of seconds, the doctor was kneeling down beside Dan, the nurse behind him, and the shot in his hand. Dan and Phil begin their job of trying to distract her – Phil pressing kisses onto the top of her head, and Dan plays “This Little Piggie” with her, trying to keep her eyes focused on him, because, even though she doesn’t know what the shot is, it’s a foreign object to her and is most likely going to scare her before it is even used.

The second the needle was inserted into Emily’s arm, the little girl’s pacifier fell out of her mouth as she started to shriek and sob louder than Dan and Phil had ever heard before. They tried to put the pacifier back in her mouth, but Emily wouldn’t allow it to happen – she was so upset and uncomfortable. It broke Dan and Phil’s hearts, but she  _had_  to get these vaccines – they had to allow this to happen, and it hurt them so much to see her like this.

Dan leans over and presses his forehead against hers, trying to keep her from looking at what’s going on. He strokes her cheek to wipe away her tears and whispers soothing things to her to help calm her down. She still cries, but it is significantly quieter than earlier. Dan kisses her nose and her cheeks and smiles at her, managing eventually to get the tears to stop, right as the doctor places a Disney bandage over the new wound.

They go through the same process again once more – they got a few minutes to rest with Emily and keep her calm. Then, they did the same thing – Phil held Emily, Dan was knelt on the floor, and the pacifier had returned to her mouth. They did their best trying to distract her – this time Dan playing peek-a-boo and Phil whispering things in her ears. She was significantly calmer this time around, but she still cried a little bit, as they had expected her to do.

Afterwards, sporting two new Disney bandages, Emily rested in Phil’s arms, drinking her formula from her bottle while the doctor finished the examination. Dan and Phil kept looking down at their daughter with proud expressions, happy that this part of the day was now over, thinking to themselves that they wouldn’t have to go through this again until she was much older.

“She’ll get two more vaccinations at her three-month checkup,” the doctor announces at the end of the appointment.

Dan and Phil both groan loudly.

—————————————-

There was a week before Emily was born where Dan and Phil sat down and recorded and edited approximately a billion gaming videos. It was to build a stockpile of videos to post once Emily was born, when they wouldn’t have time or energy to sit down and make a video.

They didn’t do this with their regular channels – they knew those were going to be abandoned for a little while, not that it was anything new to the viewers, really. They both posted videos in the middle of October and then just let them sit there when Emily was born.

They did vlog the year of waiting for Emily and going through the surrogacy process, and that was posted to Phil’s secondary channel around three weeks after Emily was born. The audience had no clue Dan and Phil were having a child until that video was posted – they knew they were married, as Dan and Phil came out that previous year after their wedding, but that was it.

The internet broke for a day when both of those events happened – announcing their marriage  _and_ announcing the birth of their daughter.

So, the internet then knew why Dan and Phil weren’t seen online, with the exception of a tweet or an Instagram post every now and again. They knew the videos they were posting to the gaming channel were pre-recorded, and they knew they were too busy taking care of Emily to do a live-show. They understood and respected it, minus the occasional person who was selfish and wanted more content.

They posted a Day in the Life video around a month after Emily was born, but it was filmed two weeks after she was brought home from the hospital. They also made one around Christmas time, which was posted in early January. Aside from those, they haven’t exactly been posting that often.

And now, their gaming video stock-pile was dwindling down, going into the single digits. Would it be possible for them to make a gaming video or regular channel video while Emily was napping? Usually it took them around two or three hours to film a video – the usual amount of time Emily spends sleeping in one sitting – but for a gaming video, they would have to be loud, risking waking Emily up. And for a regular channel video, they would have to move all around the house for different skits, which could get quite loud, since they would be dragging their camera and lights everywhere, inevitably bumping into every surface possible.

And what if Emily ended up crying and wanting attention in the middle of filming? It would work out if it was just for a diaper change or for a feeding – they could easily just come right back and pick up where they left off. But if she wanted  _attention_ , then it would take a bit longer, since it would take her time to calm down and be able to be left alone again, but by that point, they would probably not want to sit down and continue filming.

Same goes for live-shows; if one or both of them are streaming, then there’s no way they’ll be able to hide having to change diapers and feed Emily. There’s no editing or taking out footage – they’re all going to see it.

They’d both love to get back into doing videos and live-shows regularly (or at least regularly in Dan and Phil standards), but with a two, almost three-month-old, it’s tricky.

They know that once she gets a better sleeping schedule, it’s probably going to be the best time to start filming, possibly even doing live-shows again. They just hoped their viewers would understand until that time happened. They’re sure most of them would, but there was still that little voice in the back of their head saying that people would get mad at them.

So, what they decided to do was write a little message to their viewers via Dan’s twitter, posting screenshots of the notes app, since they definitely couldn’t fit it into 140 characters.

_Hello, DanandPhilTWEETS SURPRISES!!!!!_

_(I was just told by Dan to leave this room so BYE FOREVER)_

_…_

_(He made me come back because he missed me so m_

_LIES ALL LIES STOP PHIL_

_Anyway, we have been posting pre-recorded gaming vids on the gaming channel because it’s really hard to film n stuff with a crying newborn baby. It’d be like having the drills from our first London apartment back but with a baby_

_ANYWAY_

_So we’ve been running out of those videos to post, and it’s still really difficult to find time to record (as you can tell by the absence on our main channels and YouNows) because Emily still has a hard time sleeping with a lot of noise happening and you know us – we can be VERY LOUD_

_And also work is a thing that we do, sooooooooooo there’s that_

_Unfortunately our channels are going to remain in its slightly inactive state until Em gets on a better sleeping schedule and is able to sleep for longer periods of time and all that jazz. Y’know, it’s very hard to bring lighting equipment around the house while also trying to be quiet we doN’T GET HOW FAMILY VLOGGERS WITH BABIES DO IT HOW DO YOU DO IT EMILY IS SUCH A LIGHT SLEEPER IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY SHE WAKES UP IF SOMEONE SNEEZES_

_…_

_But it’s not like we’re completely disappearing from the internet because that’d be dumb; we’ll still be roaming around on twitter and tumblr and blah blah blah so we can show off our child because HOW CAN YOU NOT WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY THAT CUTE_

_sorry that was a bit excessive_

_But yeah, maybe we’ll have a video on our main channels every now and again, and we’ve still got some gaming videos left to post, so it’s not like there’s going to be a Dan and Phil video drought WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU GUYS (*cough cough*)_

_So we hope you all understand, but we promise we’ll be back soon!!!!!!!!!_

_We’ll probably do like a big live-show celebration or something when we’re making our GRAND ENTRANCE BACK INTO THE WORLD OF YOUTUBE_

_(I was just told by Dan to jump out the window so GOODBYE FO_

_WE WILL SEE YOU ALL SOON!_

_Goodbye!!!!!_

_-danisnotfilming_

_-AFatheringPhil_

_-Emily who doesn’t have a username (which is a good thing bc she’s like almost three months old we’d be very concerned if she had one already ok we’re really going to go now BYE)_

—————————————

“Mum and Dad were calling and asking if we wanted to come up to Manchester for my birthday,” Phil says one evening when he walks into the kitchen. Dan is at the sink, washing the dirty dishes from their dinner. Phil had just given Emily a bath and a diaper change, and she’s resting in her crib, hopefully to sleep.

It’s the middle of January, meaning Phil’s birthday is approaching fast. And, if they’re being honest, they haven’t really been thinking about how Phil’s birthday is coming up because, as you can guess, of Emily and work. Phil actually almost forgot his birthday was coming up, but then, of course, the call from his parents reminded him that  _oh yeah_ , it’s January, his birthday month.

He, obviously, hadn’t thought about what they were going to do for his birthday. Every year he and Dan spend a weekend-or-so up in Manchester with the Lester family, but Emily had just traveled a lot (by baby’s standards) last month, so should they go up there? And if they do, would they go for a whole weekend, or would it be a day trip, like they had done at Christmas so that Phil’s parents don’t get woken up in the middle of the night by Emily asking for her poopy diaper to get changed. That certainly would bring down the holiday, wouldn’t it?

“Are we?” Dan asks as he turns off the tap, rubbing his hands with a towel as he turns around and looks at Phil.

Phil shrugs his shoulders. “I was hoping you had an answer, honestly,” he answers as Dan sets the rag aside and sits atop the counter beside the sink. “Because I really don’t know.”

“You’d like to go, I’m presuming.”

“I mean, it’s nice to visit,” Phil says, sticking his hands in the pockets of his pyjama pants. “And I know you like seeing them, too, and my parents have been asking about seeing Em again, so…” He shrugs his shoulders, his sentence trailing off.

“In my opinion,” Dan replies, gesturing to himself, “a weekend trip to your parents’ house would be doable.”

“Even with Em crying in the middle of the night?” Phil questions, walking over to his husband. “Wouldn’t that annoy them?”

“You were a baby once too, love,” Dan replies, stroking Phil’s cheek gently with his thumb. “And, plus, they stayed over when Em was first born, so it’s not like they haven’t ever experienced it with her.”

“Yeah, but that was because they were actually staying over to help take care of her,” Phil points out. “But I’m sure they wouldn’t mind…”

Dan shakes his head and runs a hand through Phil’s fringe. “It’s whatever you want to do; it’s your birthday. I’m fine either way.”

So, after a couple days internally debating, Phil decided that a weekend trip to Manchester was needed; it had only been a month since he had last been back, but he was already missing it. Perhaps it was only staying there for a day at Christmastime, unlike what they usually do. He was missing his hometown more than normal.  

So, the day before Phil’s birthday, the little family bundled up in their winter gear and put together their overnight bags before getting in their car, Phil driving (despite being not the best driver, but he does know the way to Manchester better) and Dan in the backseat with Emily. Music from Dan’s Spotify was playing from the speakers but still able to be heard. It was just for ambiance.

It was a four-hour trip, so time seemed to pass by slowly as they exited the bustling London and headed up north. Dan and Phil talked in hushed tones for a while, but Dan eventually pulled out his phone to look through Tumblr and Twitter once Emily fell asleep and when Phil really needed to concentrate on his driving.

They got to Phil’s parents’ home around mid-morning, and Kathryn and NIgel came out to greet them the second Phil pulled the car into the driveway. They gave Dan and Phil tight hugs as greetings, and of course they snuggled and kissed Emily as Dan and Phil got their bags out of the boot of the car and put them in the room they would be staying in – the one they always use that has a poster of Phil from a magazine – the one they’ve had for years and Phil still finds extremely cringey.  

After a lunch that Kathryn made for them and after giving Emily a quick feeding, Dan and Phil headed out to the woodsy area behind the house with Emily in a stroller, wanting to get a little fresh air and be out in nature; living in a busy city like London makes them miss the outdoors like this, but it’s one of the things that makes visiting Manchester so nice.

They spent an hour out there, just talking and enjoying the nice chilly weather. Emily enjoyed it a great deal – she was smiling widely and making little cooing noises at all the views. It makes Dan and Phil grin to hear her making her adorable noises; she had just recently started vocalizing a lot more than just crying, and sometimes she’s even able to laugh. She’s very vocal when she’s happy or excited, which lets Dan and Phil know she’s enjoying her time out here.

“Glad we came and visited, huh, Em?” Dan asks, walking beside the stroller, which Phil is pushing. Dan presses his cold hand to her forehead, and Emily just grins even wider up at him. “Can’t believe Papa almost didn’t want to take us this weekend.” He smirks at his husband.

Phil shakes his head as he keeps his eyes on the trail ahead.

They stop at the familiar field over by the river, standing up on the hill and looking around at the beautiful view ahead of them, the cold breeze brushing past their ears. They have this feeling in their chests that is just an overwhelming sensation of  _home_.

They always feel this way whenever they come back to Manchester – this feeling that this is home, but not in the way where it’s just the place where Phil was born and raised. It’s the place where their relationship began, the place where they fell in love, and the place where they started their careers together. Dan always tells their viewers that it’s the city where “Dan and Phil” as a pair and as a team was born – it was the beginning, and it was where they felt their happiest.

Sure, they’re beyond elated now, but remembering how blissful it was when their relationship was blooming and their love was being discovered is something completely different. Things were so much simpler then and it was just so easy.

But even then, now, they love their lives in the present more than anything. They’re at such a high point that they’re not even sure if it can go up more or not. Everything has just been falling into place perfectly and everything is making sense, and they have no reason to be upset. They, right now, are truly happy.

But taking little trips like this remind them of where they started and brings back all the flutters and emotions that they experienced when everything was new; it just feels like coming back home.

Clasping their hands between them, Dan rests his head on Phil’s shoulder and breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he whispers for no particular reason.

Phil just kisses the top of his head in response.

——————————————

They fell asleep that night in the guest room, Dan with his body curled at Phil’s side, and Phil on his back with little Emily on his chest. They had brought a baby mat for the baby to sleep on, but the three of them had fallen asleep after watching  _Wall-E_  (just for the nostalgia feels because they’re in Manchester and Manchester makes them feel this way) without even trying.

Emily must’ve been quite tired – she only woke up once in the middle of the night for a diaper change. She’s been getting better and better at sleeping longer and longer at night. Their doctors told them that around this time, she was going to start realizing the difference between day and night, and she’ll start sleeping more during the night and less during the day, and she’ll slowly switch to just sleeping at night. They’re now starting to notice it, and honestly, Dan and Phil are not ashamed to say that they’re relishing in it.

Phil woke up bright and early – which was quite surprising, as they still often times get up late if they don’t have anything going on– to Dan pressing sleepy and gentle kisses all over his face, occasionally nipping at his ear or on his neck. Phil smiled as he blinked one eye open, seeing Dan looking down at him with a smile on his face, noticing that his husband is now awake.

“Happy Birthday,” Dan whispers before kissing his lips swiftly, still hovering above him.

Right after Dan pulls away, Phil pecks Dan’s lips again, one hand holding onto his husband’s face, his other holding onto Emily’s back, the baby still fast asleep. “You’re up before me for once,” he says, his morning voice in full-swing, making Dan’s chest swell.

Dan brushes his nose against Phil’s. “It’s your birthday.”

“I’d completely forgotten,” Phil says sarcastically, Dan kissing the corner of his mouth. “I thought we’d just gone up here for nothing.”

Dan slaps Phil’s chest. “Shut up!” he exclaims, chuckling.

“You get more excited about my birthday than your own,” Phil points out, sitting up on the bed, reaching over to the nightstand, grabbing his glasses and slipping them on. Dan lays back down beside Phil and rests his head against his shoulder, once arm draping across his torso, below Emily.

Dan shrugs his shoulders. “I wouldn’t say that.”

Phil raises his eyebrows, not believing his husband’s response, but he presses a kiss to his forehead anyway.

Dan gives Phil his presents while they’re in the bedroom, just because it’s like a cute little family moment and they’re sentimental dorks. Dan gifted Phil with a pair of  _Steven Universe_ socks, a new mug, and a candle – all simple gifts that Phil would use and enjoy. Emily gifted him with a cry in the middle of Dan giving Phil his candle, asking for food.

After Emily’s feeding, the three left the bedroom and headed down to the first floor to the kitchen, where Kathryn was preparing pancakes. They ate their breakfast, had their coffee, and Phil’s parents gave him his presents.

Martyn and Cornelia stopped by, and the two of them, Dan, Phil, and Emily went on another hike out to the river, since it was so nice the night before, and Emily seemed to really, really enjoy going out there (“I can’t believe she actually enjoys going outside! It’s like she’s not even our daughter!” Dan jokingly said). They spent a lot of time out there, just appreciating how lovely the nature was.

They came back inside after a few hours, and they went out for dinner all together. Dan and Phil shared Phil’s free birthday sundae he got when Nigel told the waitress that it was Phil’s birthday (despite Phil telling him not to), and Emily looked quite upset when she didn’t get any (“no, Em, you’re a baby; you’re not allowed to have this stuff yet,” Martyn told her before he stole a bite of Phil’s ice cream).

When they returned home, Kathryn, Nigel, Martyn, and Cornelia all said they were going to sit outside, but Dan and Phil said they wanted to wash up a bit first before. So, they watched over Emily while the two of them went in the shower together.

Luckily no one said anything when it took Dan and Phil around an hour to get out of the shower.

Whatever.

They stayed outside, bundled in blankets and sipping on hot coco, Dan, Phil, and Emily all curled up together on a loveseat, feeling so comfortable and at home. It was just so wonderful being together all as a family, sharing time together and doing these rather simple things that would still just stick in their minds. They rarely get to do this kind of stuff because of their busy schedules, and they wish to just do more things like this back home.

They retired to their beds before midnight, as it had been a long day. Emily slept with Dan and Phil on the bed again, since the two just couldn’t resist letting her sleep with them. Plus, the baby mat wasn’t necessarily the most comfortable thing in the world to lie on for an entire night.  

With the lights turned off and the blankets draped over them, Dan presses a kiss to Phil’s lips. “That’s gotta be the millionth one you’ve given me today,” Phil says with a low chuckle.

Dan shrugs his shoulders. “It’s your birthday. I’m allowed to spoil you.”

“Whatever,” Phil says, though he kisses Dan’s chin afterwards. He turns his head down to the snoozing Emily. “You enjoy our little trip, baby?” He pecks the top of her head. “She’s worn out.”

“We’ve done a lot today,” Dan says, brushing the top of her head. Her little hairs seem to be getting thicker as time goes on – the ginger color is more prominent now than it was at birth. “I think she really likes coming here.”

Phil nods his head. “Well, it’s a good thing we do, too,” he says, swallowing a yawn.

Dan laughs and brushes Phil’s hair out of his eyes. “Why don’t you go to sleep?” he asks. “Gotta rest up for your next year of being an old man.”

Phil chuckles. “You like older men.”

“That I do,” Dan replies, kissing his lips.

“A million and one.”

Dan rolls his eyes as he settles down beside him, closing his eyes and getting comfortable against the mattress and Phil’s shoulder.  “Happy birthday, Phil.” He lets out a yawn and closes his eyes. “I love you,” he breathes. He says it so often, but it never, ever loses its meaning. It never has, and it never will. He can guarantee that.

Luckily it’s the same for Phil.

“I love you, too,” he says, his lips finding their way to rest in Dan’s hair. They linger there for a few moments before he closes his eyes and settles down, falling to sleep within minutes.


	4. Month 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: swearing, mentions of sex

Dan never thought he’d be the kind of person whose social media just became a platform to constantly gush about his child, but dear goodness has his Twitter basically become a shrine for his baby.

**@danielhowell:**  
               my baby is the cutest baby in the world fight me

**@danielhowell:**  
               em is trying so hard to roll over right now and im just over here like “wow if only i had that much motivation”

**@danielhowell:**  
               how is em still awake at midnight OH WAIT im her dad that explains it. Shes caught on so well

**@danielhowell:**  
               “yes, 999? my daughter is too cute for words and i die every time I look at her”

And, of course, his Instagram is basically filled to the brim of photos with Emily and Phil, as one would expect from Daniel James Lester. Literally, nearly every single picture that is on his Instagram is of Emily or Emily with Phil or Emily with the dogs.

He remembers telling Phil before Emily was born that he wanted to keep Emily just to themselves – he wanted to keep Emily theirs, and the internet was only going to get little glimpses of her. It was also partially because of privacy, because even though they came out to their audience and also told them about their baby, that doesn’t necessarily mean they have to know every single detail.

So, Emily was supposed to be kept out of videos for the most part, hence why you couldn’t see her that well in the Year in the Life video. That’s what their original intent was.

Well, after the second day in the life video, Dan, Phil, and their audience knew that  _no_ , he’s not only going to keep Emily to himself – he is going to share her with literally everyone in the world.

“She’s too adorable,” Dan says to Phil as he types a caption on his phone for a picture he took of Phil holding Emily. Phil is beside him, Emily sitting on his lap with her head laid on his arm, a plastic toy in her mouth. “I can’t not.”

“That was definitely grammatically correct,” Phil replies.

“Shut up!” Dan exclaims, shoving his husband’s shoulder.  

Phil laughs and pokes Dan’s the side of his head. “I’m just messing with you.” He looks up at the ceiling. “Well…not really, since it actually  _wasn’t_  grammatically correct, but-“

“Okay, okay, Mr. English Language and Linguistics,” Dan says, showing Phil his picture and caption before he posts it, nonverbally asking for his opinion and for if there’s any grammar mistakes. Phil nods his head in approval, so Dan posts it and sets his phone aside.

“You love me,” Phil says, resting his forehead against Dan’s.

“I do,” Dan replies.

Phil leans down and presses a kiss to Dan’s cheekbone, but he quickly pulls away, unlike what he normally does, where his lips linger. “Ew,” he says as he pulls away, grimacing.

Dan furrows his eyebrows. “What?” he questions.

“It wasn’t you; Em just dribbled on me,” Phil says, pointing down to his arm, where Emily had been; her mouth was closed, but she was drooling out from her mouth. Phil reaches over behind him and grabs a clean spit rag and cleans up his arm and Emily’s face.

“She hasn’t ever done that before,” Dan says, watching as Phil cleans her face.

Phil shrugs his shoulders, adjusting his hold on Emily. “I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal.”

———————————————–

“Hey, Mum…yeah, yeah, we’re doing fine. Um…we think we have a bit of an issue…no, we don’t think it’s too serious, but we were wondering if you…yeah, it’s with Em…she has a bit of a rash around her mouth, and we really don’t know what to do about it,” Phil says over the phone around a week after that little incident.

Since then, Dan and Phil noticed that Emily had been drooling a lot. Like, babies drool, yeah, but she was doing it, like… _excessively._  Like, almost what felt like more than usual. They had to put a bib around her neck constantly to keep her from getting it all over her clothes and every single surface in the house. It helped for a little while.

Then, Emily began forming a rash around her mouth that definitely didn’t help with the situation – she just looked like it was bothering her all the time (which it probably was), but they had no clue what to do. So, of course, turning to Kathryn Lester was a necessity.

Dan is over by the couch with Emily, whose eyes are watering because of the irritation developing around her lips while Phil roams around the living room, his phone up to his ear and his hand in the pocket of his pants as he walks around, listening to his mum.

“Um, it’s just red and irritated…yeah, there’s, like, two or three bumps, but it’s not baby acne…yeah, it really hurt her, but we’re not really sure what we can put on it to make it better…yeah…yeah, she has…” He stops pacing and raises his eyebrows in surprise. Dan listens closely, trying to hear Kathryn’s voice coming through the phone, but it’s rather hard to understand.

“Okay…okay, so it’s…yeah, okay…so what should we do? Okay…okay…alright, we’ll do that. Thank you so much,” Phil says, nodding his head. “Thank you, yeah. We’ll keep you in touch…alright. Love you, too. Bye.”  He pulls the phone away and ends the call.

“What’s up?” Dan asks.

“It’s completely normal,” Phil explains. Dan furrows his eyebrows. “Well, kind of. Most babies get it is what she meant by that. The rash is because of how much she’s been dribbling, so she said just to use an unscented skin cream or something like that around it, but mostly just keep wiping her mouth so it doesn’t get all over her skin.”

Dan sighs and looks down at Emily. “Well, looks like we’re going to be heading to the shop.”

————————————————

February just seemed to be the month where everything just got messier.

Along with the new drooling problem, Emily had recently discovered sometime last month that she can move her hands to her face. It’s adorable – sometimes Dan and Phil will walk into the nursery where she’s lying down, and they’ll just see her smiling as she pats her little hands all over her face, giggling proudly as she looks up at her parents.

It was cute.

Then she learned how to pick up things.

If she was lying on the floor and there was an object nearby, she’d reach out her little arms and try and grab it. At first, it was rather difficult for her to do, like it was too big for her to grasp. But, after hitting a growth spurt around the end of January, it suddenly became a lot easier.

Most of the time she would only hold an object if it was handed to her, but occasionally, Dan and/or Phil would walk into a room and see her holding a toy all on her own.

It was cute.

Then she learned she could put those things in her mouth.

It was fine at first – she’d do it with her stuffed Tigger plushie she’d gotten for Christmas from Dan (#branding), sticking one of the paws in her mouth, and then Dan or Phil would pick it up when she was done with it, getting baby slobber all over their hands, and Emily would just be lying there with a proud smile on her face.

It was like that for a bit. She’d happily put her stuffed animal’s paw or ear in her mouth, finding it a fun way to spend her time.

Then, she started putting other toys in her mouth. Little plastic rings that she had gotten from Kathryn, the toys on her car seat that Louise had given them, any toy within her vicinity, really.

It escalated from there – any object she could get her little hands on, she’d want to put in her mouth, whether that be the remote for the tele that just-so-happened to be lying on the floor, Phil’s phone that he forgot to pick up from the floor, a book that was on the coffee table that she could grab when she was sitting against the couch, anything.

Of course, Dan and Phil’s solution was to keep most things off the floor – make sure they were on high enough shelves that she couldn’t reach, or put them in a box or something else that she couldn’t get into because she couldn’t stand on her own yet.

Then, she started crying.

A lot.

It wasn’t on any schedule – she’d just start crying, almost like how she did during month one, except it was much harsher and so much more intense. Holding her and talking to her didn’t really do that much to help her, which made Dan and Phil both feel extremely useless.

They at first thought it was because they had taken those objects away from her. So, they got more toys to hopefully satisfy her needs. That didn’t help that much – she’d “chew” on them, but then start crying moments later. Then, they thought it was the rash, so they started putting even more cream over it. That only seemed to make it worse. So, was it colic? Could she have it at four months, or was that just a one-month to two-month-old thing? What if she  _did_  have it? What would they have to do?

So, they took Emily to the doctor to see what was going on, because they literally had no clue what to do.

They were surprised with what they found out.

“Emily is starting to teeth,” the doctor told them once he finished his examination of Emily, who was sitting comfortably on Dan’s lap, a plastic ring in her mouth, not crying for once.

Dan and Phil both raised their eyebrows. “Teething?” Dan questions. “Already? I thought that wasn’t supposed to happen for a few more months.” He looks over at Phil, who shrugs his shoulders.

That’s what they were told when they went to those parenting classes before Emily was born – teething happens around six months, but some might not even get teeth until their first birthday. Emily’s not quite three months old, yet she’s already teething? That doesn’t make sense.

“It’s different for every baby,” the doctor explains. “And it appears Emily’s teeth are deciding to start coming in early, which is also why she’s been drooling so much recently.” He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s nothing to worry about. Her actual teeth might not appear for a few weeks or even months, but the teeth are just…’getting ready’, if you will.”

“So she’s not going to have teeth right away,” Phil says.

The doctor nods his head. “Correct. So, it’s nothing to worry about – just keep letting her try and chew on things because that can sometimes help ease the pain. You can also take a clean finger or a clean toothbrush without toothpaste and just kind of rub it on her gums, and that might help her, too. She also might be more irritable at night when she’s trying to sleep as well, so just be patient with her.”

Dan and Phil look over at each other with a sigh. She had been doing so well; she had been sleeping during the night and taking two naps during the day, and all of her biological needs have been toned down, so it’s been easier to find free time. They had been thinking of returning to YouTube again, but now that this was happening…

…whatever. They have to make sure Emily is okay. She’s their priority, and if that means putting YouTube off for a little bit longer, then they’re ready and willing to do that for her. YouTube was just going to have to wait.

—————————————————

Valentine’s Day was coming up. Normally, they’d go out to dinner together, maybe go to a movie, and shamelessly give each other chocolates because why the fuck not?

But, when the day was approaching quickly and Emily’s rash and irritation with her teething was getting worse, they decided that perhaps Valentine’s Day might not be celebrated with a date so they could stay home and look after their daughter.

And they didn’t mind – of course, they loved Emily more than anything in the world, as you should know full-well by now, and they could just spend the holiday cuddled up with her, perhaps with a movie they’ve seen about a billion times playing on the tele, some take-out, and the dogs curled up at their feet. Maybe have some fun when Em went to sleep, if she didn’t wake up because of her teething.

They were actually looking forward to it – it would just be a quiet night in, just the five of them spending some time together.

“No, no, no, I can watch over Em if you need me to,” Louise offers she is told by Dan what he and Phil were planning on doing for Valentine’s Day.

“But then you won’t get to spend the day with Liam,” Dan replied.

“But you and Phil haven’t gone on a date since Emily was born,” Louise pointed out, jabbing an accusatory finger at her friend.

Dan bites his bottom lip and sticks his hands in his pocket. “Uh… _yes_ , we have.”

Louise raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Louise continues to give him a “I definitely know for sure that you’re not telling the truth” expression. Dan rolls his eyes and huffs. “Okay, fine, we haven’t. So what?”

“You two haven’t gone on a date in nearly four months!” Louise exclaims exaggeratedly, her arms flying out to her sides. “ _Four months_!”

“We didn’t go out on that many dates  _before_ Em was born!”

“Oh, that’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one, Howell,” Louise replies. “I know you two liked to go out to the movies or to restaurants together.”

Dan shakes his head. “Those weren’t always dates.”

“Were you alone?

“…yeah.”

“Did he hold your hand?”

“Sometimes, but-“

“Did he pay for the movie or the dinner?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t-“

“Then they were dates,” Louise says, settling back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. “And I know you’ve been missing those since Emily arrived.”

Dan sighs, his shoulders slumping forward. “You’re making me feel like a bad parent,” he whispers, basically agreeing with her statement, just not outwardly.

Louise laughs. “Oh, dear, every parent on the planet wishes they could go on a date with their significant other to get away from their baby.” She places a hand on her chest. “I’m  _very_ guilty of that.”

Dan runs a hand through his hair. “But she has the rash issue, and she’s teething, so she’s really irritated all the time now, and I feel awful leaving her with Phil’s brother nearly every day, so I would feel terrible leaving her  _again_ during the night, and-“

“Daniel, I really don’t mind watching over Emily while you and Phil go out and have a date,” Louise says, placing a comforting hand on his arm. “You two deserve it. Go out to dinner, see a movie, have a little fun if you know what I mean.” She nudges his arm.

Dan gives an unamused expression, and then runs a hand over his face. “Lou, I swear to God-“

“Get away for a weekend! Stay in a hotel or something! Get away from parenting for a bit! Liam and I really don’t mind. We’d love to watch over her. She’s a delight. We love taking care of her.”

Dan sighs and crosses his arms over his chest. He’d love more than anything to have a free night with Phil – time for them to just spend together alone, not worrying about Emily waking up or whatever, and not having to talk about work. Just relaxing and spending time together.

Louise is right – he has missed their little impromptu date nights they used to have. He misses watching a film they’ve already seen in theaters, where they sit in the back and cuddle up together, mostly paying attention to each other. He misses going to overly expensive restaurants where they’re mostly surrounded by old people, but to them, it’s only each other in the room. And he misses coming home and making out on the couch like they’re teenagers.

It was always so lovely and nice, and it just kept the romance alive. Not that the romance is dying – it’s not; it’s alive and thriving, but it was just needed, nonetheless.

They love Emily dearly, yes, and they understand that she requires so much of their time and attention, and they love taking care of her. They love being her caregivers and being there for her more than anything, but  _dear goodness_  what Dan wouldn’t give for some alone time with Phil.

“I’m not sure about a whole weekend,” Dan says, knowing that if that were to happen he would go crazy from not knowing what Emily was doing at every second, “but maybe a date night would be nice?”

Louise squeals and claps her hands loudly. “I’m so excited for you two!” she exclaims. She clasps Dan’s shoulder. “And we would be more than happy to take care of Emily while you two have your date! This is going to be so good for you and Phil – I guaran _tee_  it.”

————————————–

On Valentine’s Day, Dan and Phil left Emily with Martyn and Cornelia as they usually do, deciding to not have Louise watch her for literally the entire day, because that was just asking too much from their friend.

Some of their co-workers had decorated the hall where their offices were for Valentine’s Day – those glossy hearts and pink streamers from the party store that just look incredibly cheesy but you can’t help but just smile as you stare at them, wondering why in the heck someone would hang those up.

Phil gave Dan his box of chocolates early (he was originally going to give them to him when they went out on their date that evening, but Dan was complaining that he had low blood sugar…he really didn’t, but he was trying to tell himself he did so that he could have chocolate because he knew Phil had it with him) and they procrastinated from working by eating them and guessing their flavor and all that stuff that people would normally record and put it on YouTube and make it a challenge, but Dan and Phil just do it because they are major procrastinators most of the time.

Of course, they had to return to the whole reason why they were there – to do work.  They got their usual messages from Martyn and Cornelia with updates, pictures, and/or videos, which made Dan feel better about going out with Phil tonight – because while he might not be with Emily 24/7, at least he gets updates on her, so it’s not like he’s not completely out-of-the-loop. It helps to ease a lot of his parental anxieties.

And soon, the day was over, and Dan and Phil picked up Emily from Martyn and Cornelia’s. They were going to head back home, replenish her baby bag and spend an hour or two with her before dropping her off at Louise’s house. The dogs were just going to stay at home while they were out.

“Now, you two take as much time as you need, and feel free to call if you need us to keep her over for the night,” Louise says as she takes the baby bag out of Phil’s hand, winking at them.

Dan clears his throat and adjusts his hold on Emily’s baby carrier. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

“Yeah, probably not,” Phil adds, laughing nervously.

Louise shrugs her shoulders, sending a smirk in their direction. “You never know.”

Dan and Phil spend about five minutes saying goodbye to Emily, giving her kisses and snuggles, having to be pulled away from their baby by Louise, who basically pushed them out the door, screaming “you two go have fun!”

They started off their evening by going to the cinema to see a film they had been meaning to see that was luckily still in theaters. They were the only ones in the theater, so they were able to sit in the middle and cuddle up without feeling awkward. They shared a popcorn that had Malteser’s mixed in it (for nostalgia’s sake – it’s what they used to do when they first got together) and threw them at each other at random times during the film because they’re just huge dorks.

Dan felt just like a teenager again – his head laid on Phil’s shoulder and their hands delicately touching on the armrest. It was like they were first starting to date; the butterflies were there, and the shared glances they had during the quiet moments of the film were so timid yet nice at the same time.

It’s Valentine’s Day – he’s allowed to be cheesy.

After the film, they went to a nice restaurant, where they sat in a booth near the window, their arms reaching across the table so they could hold hands and their feet bumping into each other underneath, both because they’re so tall and because they’re so sickeningly romantic with each other. They normally don’t share that much PDA, but it just felt right tonight – it had been too long since they had been on a date.

They ate from each other’s plates, sipped from each other’s glasses of wine, and stared at each other with loving glances as they just talked to each other about nothing in particular. It was just so nice to be able and sit down and talk and not have to also be worrying about Emily crying or needing something in the middle of their conversation. It was so needed and so nice to be able to do.

And once their dinner was over and with the alcohol lightly buzzing through their systems, they took the “scenic” route home (AKA just the longer way), and when they got there, they spent a little bit of time in the bedroom together, which was desperately needed.

And when they lie together on the bed after they were done, their breathing rushed and their eyelids drooping, they can’t help but hide their smiles as they cuddle up, resting from their activities.

“We need to do this more often,” Dan breathes, closing his eyes and letting his body catch up with his mind.

A few seconds pass before Phil speaks up. “You know,” he says, his voice low; Dan turns on his side and rests his chin on Phil’s chest, as if telling him he was listening, “we didn’t check our phones more than twice while we were out.” He opens one eye to look over at Dan.

Dan smiles and presses a kiss to Phil’s chest. “This was needed.”

Phil nods his head in agreement. “Indeed it was.”

After resting up, they took a quick shower together, and then texted Louise, telling her they were on their way over to pick up Emily to end their little Valentine’s Day date night.

“So, how was it?” Louise asks after Dan and Phil reunite with Emily once they arrived at her place.

“It was nice,” Dan answers, showing off a toothy grin.

Phil nods his head. “Yeah, it really was; it was needed.”

Louise quirks an eyebrow and looks over at Dan. “And you almost weren’t going to do it,” she says, poking his chest.

Dan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He looks down at Emily, who is snoozing away in her baby carrier, her pacifier in her mouth and the skin cream all around her mouth. Phil reaches down and pokes her cheek affectionately and gently so she doesn’t wake up. “Well, I think we need to get this little bugger home.”

Louise smiles and shrugs her shoulders. “Well, whenever you two need to get a little break from parenting, we’re the ones to call!” She nudges Phil’s shoulder with her elbow.

Dan looks up at Phil, and the two can’t help but grin cheekily at each other. “We’re going to need to do this again soon,” Dan says, not taking his eyes off Phil, his heart warming just as it did when they first got together. It honestly has never stopped, even after all these years.

“Definitely,” Phil agrees.

Louise shakes her head. “You two need to stop being so cute.”


	5. Month 5

“Baby food! How exciting,” Phil says for no particular reason as he and Dan go down an aisle at Tesco’s, seeing a shelf completely filled to the brim with little jars full of baby food – just what they were looking for.

It is now March, and Emily is four months old (time just seems to be flying by so fast! As Dan and Phil would say, “we’re all dying”) and she just seems to be growing more and more every single day. She’s doubled her birth weight, she’s starting to try to communicate, her teeth are slowly but surely coming in, she is trying to learn how to roll over, and now she’s about to start adding baby food into her diet.

They had her four-month checkup a few days ago, and they were given the okay by their doctor to add in one serving of baby food a day after around a third of her normal bottle-feeding. She’ll eventually get more and more baby food, but she’ll still have to have formula up until she turns one, in which she’ll move on to actual milk. By that point, she’ll have already moved on to more solid food instead of this pureed goo or whatever it is.

“So flavor. Much food,” Dan adds, putting his hands on his hips as he looks over all the varieties, peeking at the various labels, seeing what’s available. He picks up a jar and grimaces when he looks at it. “Gross…pear, spinach, and prune.” He fake gags as he puts it away. “That sounds absolutely disgusting.”

“Well, we can only give her ones with one ingredient right now, so we’re safe from that for now,” Phil says, laughing. He places his hands on his hips. “Y’know, if the baby food challenge was still a thing, this would be the perfect excuse for us to do it.”

Dan shakes his head. “We are above the baby food challenge, Phil; we don’t follow the trends,” he says sassily.

“Says the guy who did the Blindfolded Makeup Challenge, the Roast Yourself Challenge, Watching Your First Videos, Watching Baby Vid-“

“I get it, and you can stop,” Dan says, though he’s laughing. He shoves Phil harshly.

“Excuse me,” Phil says jokingly as he gestures to the cart where Emily’s baby carrier is situated, the baby chewing happily away on a toy, “but our daughter is learning by our example, and if she begins to learn your abusive ways, it’s really going to make us look bad, and you’ll be the one entirely responsible.” He walks forward with a grin, and he leans his forehead against Dan’s.

Dan rolls his eyes. “We’re in the middle of Tesco’s, so I can’t kiss you right now,” he says.

Phil pulls away and gives a smug expression. “Sucks for you,” he replies, sticking his tongue out between his teeth. Dan shakes his head at him as they turn back to the shelves. “Alright – baby food. That’s why we’re here. That is our mission. We need to focus.”

“How much are we getting?” Dan asks, furrowing his eyebrows as he picks up a jar with a green lid, it labeled as having bananas. “These aren’t that expensive.”

“I think we’ll just get a few to start out,” Phil answers. “Maybe, like, one of each, since they’re a pound a jar, and we can try them out, see which ones she likes, and keep getting the ones she does?”

“Or are we going the organic route, because these are two pounds,” Dan says, showing Phil the jar he was looking at.

Phil sighs and places his hands on his hips. “I think it would just be better to get the regular,” he replies.

“But the organic-“

“They’re basically the same product,” Phil says, grabbing the “regular” version of the banana jar and shows it to Dan, pointing to the ingredients list. “Just one has ‘organic’ in front of it.”

“So it’s better,” Dan says, placing his hands on his hips.

“And more expensive.”

“By a pound!” Dan exclaims. “It’s not that bad.”

“It’ll add up,” Phil replies.

“A  _pound_ , Phil.”

“I’m just saying-“

“Why don’t we let Emily decide?” Dan suggests, gesturing to Emily, who, as if on cue, immediately stops chewing on her toy and looks up at her parents. She takes the toy out of her mouth, dropping it onto her stomach, drool dripping out of her mouth. Her rash has mostly gone away, but she still has the dribbling problem, and she will have that until her first tooth comes in.

Phil reaches over and grabs a spit rag from their baby bag, which was placed in their cart, and he wipes up Emily’s mouth. “She can’t talk.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Dan replies, taking the jar out of Phil’s hand. He sticks the organic one close to Emily’s face, allowing her to look at it. She stares blankly at it, her eyes trying to focus on it. Then, Dan shows her the regular one, and she has a similar expression to it.

“Dan, I seriously think we should just-“

“Wait,” Dan interrupts, pulling the regular jar away from Emily. He sticks both of them into her view. A few seconds pass, and then Emily squeals as she looks at the organic jar.

“Oh, come on!” Phil exclaims as Dan pulls the jars back with a smug grin. “She doesn’t know how money works!”

Dan shrugs his shoulders as he puts the jar in the cart, putting the regular one away on some random shelf. “The baby wants what the baby wants,” he replies, grabbing all the other organic jars and dumping them into the cart without a care in the world.

Phil sighs and slumps his shoulders. “But it’ll add up…” he mumbles as he watches Dan, who pushes the cart back down the aisle proudly and confidently.

————————————–

“A week?” Phil asks, his eyebrows raising in surprise.

Dan nods his head. “Unfortunately,” he answers, shrugging his shoulders as he hops onto Phil’s desk.

Dan had just gotten out of a meeting, where he was informed that they would like him to help with a documentary that is being filmed in Spain – not necessarily being  _in_  the documentary, but helping out behind-the-scenes. Dan knew that it would just be him – not him and Phil – going, so he was a little unsure of it. He requested if he could ask Phil about it; would it be okay with him leaving behind Phil to take care of Emily by himself for a week, or would it be best if he just stayed home and passed the job onto someone else?

The two have both been alone with Emily at some point, usually only an hour or two. But a whole week? That was something neither of them had  _ever_  experienced nor had ever planned on happening.

The whole entire world knows that Dan and Phil are attached at the hip and rarely do anything separately. Everyone knows you need to have them together – it’s like a package deal. If you want one of them, you’re going to get both of them. If you separate them, the universe will actually implode. But, sometimes, people forget that.

“Like…a  _whole_  week,” Phil repeats.

“I haven’t agreed to it; I wanted to get your opinion on it,” Dan explains, resting his arms on his legs.

Phil nods his head, pushing his glasses back up on his nose. “And it’s for that one documentary they’ve been talking about, right?”

“Yeah, but I would just be helping to film,” Dan says. “And I’d be there for a week or so.”

“Do you want to go?” Phil asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

“That’s not really what I was asking,” Dan says, shaking his head.

“It’s what  _I’m_  asking,” Phil replies, earning an eye roll from Dan. Phil shrugs his shoulders. “Do you want to go?”

“Do  _you_  want to handle Em by yourself for seven days?” Dan questions, leaning closer to Phil, setting his feet down on the armrest. “Because if you can’t, I won’t go.”

“Help would only be a phone call away if I need it,” Phil replies, reaching up and taking Dan’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers. Dan doesn’t look entirely convinced of Phil’s strange confidence with the thought of taking care of Emily alone for a week.

Dan honestly thought Phil would be freaking out, saying he couldn’t take care of a baby by himself, even if said baby was his own. Then, Dan realized that Phil is a lot more laidback and that it would be  _Dan_  freaking out if he had to take care of Emily by himself. Phil appears to be more open and willing, though he probably is a little bit nervous and just isn’t sharing it. Dan is thankful for that, because if Phil was more open about nerves, that would just make Dan even more anxious than he already is.

Dan sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know…”

“If it would make you feel better, I could have my parents come down for part of the weekend while you’re gone,” Phil says.

Dan shakes his head. “No, no, no, no, no…” he mumbles. He exhales deeply, his mind feeling incredibly confused.

“Dan, if you want to go, that’s completely fine. If you don’t want to go, that’s fine, too. It’s up to you.”

“What do  _you_  think I should do?” Dan asks.

Phil shrugs his shoulders. “I mean, if they asked  _you_  to do it, then that means they trust you to do that job. But ultimately, it’s up to you to make that decision.” He presses a kiss to Dan’s hand and squeezes it tightly, giving him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine with whatever you decide to do.”

Dan bites his bottom lip. He stares down at the carpeted floor, seeing the indents in it from the wheels of Phil’s chair being rolled over it constantly, and he smells the candle that is burning at the corner of his desk, his senses becoming distracted by it all.

“You sure you’d be fine if I went?” Dan asks, his voice quiet.

Phil nods his head and pats Dan’s cheek lovingly. “I’ll be fine,” he replies. “We’ll Skype and text and call and whatever while you’re gone, and I’ll send you about a billion pictures of Emily every day.”

Dan snickers and looks at Phil with a fond expression. “That sounds like you’re making sure  _I’ll_  be fine while I’m gone.”

Phil shrugs his shoulders. “I mean, have to make sure my husband isn’t completely missing out on our baby,” he explains. He presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek, and then pats his knees. “Now, why don’t you go tell whoever that you’re going, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan replies, getting up from his spot. He leans down and kisses Phil’s cheek affectionately. “Thank you.”

Phil raises an eyebrow. “For what?”

“I dunno; I just kinda felt like saying it.” He smiles and goes over to the office door. “Love you.”

“Love you, too!”

———————————————

“Say bye-bye to Daddy!” Phil says in his baby voice as he holds Emily in his arms, waving her little hand for her.

It’s a week later, and they’re at the airport, dropping Dan off so he can be on his way to Spain for the week to help with the documentary. It’s a mid-morning flight, so they got up earlier on this Sunday to have some breakfast together before Dan finished packing (he’s still a procrastinator with that), quadruple-checked that he had his passport (they didn’t want another VidCon 2017 incident), and now they’re here, saying their goodbyes for the week; in a few hours, Dan will be on his way to Spain.

Emily coos and reaches out her arms for Dan. Phil smiles and hands her over to Dan, allowing him to hold her. Emily grins and grasps onto Dan’s shoulder.

“Bye-bye, Darling,” Dan tells her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, amidst the ginger hairs that just seem to be growing and growing more and more every time he looks at her. Dan adjusts his hold on her so that they’re nose-to-nose. “Be good for Papa, yeah? It’s going to be just you and him for the next week, and he’s going to need a lot of sleep, so don’t pester him too much.”

Emily makes a noise that sounds similar to a hum, as if she’s trying to say the letter M. Dan kisses her nose, and she giggles afterwards. Dan can’t hide his grin as he passes her back to Phil.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Phil says, tucking some of her strands of hair behind her ear.

“Well, with her teething, you never know,” Dan replies. He wraps an arm around Phil’s shoulders, pulling him into a small embrace. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Phil replies, kissing his lips gently and tenderly, not caring that they’re in the middle of an airport. They hold hands in public a lot of the time, but hugs and kisses are rare to happen outside of the home, just for the sake of their privacy; even though they’re out, that doesn’t mean they want to share too much PDA with the world – that’s something they like to keep for themselves. Sometimes there’s a quick kiss in their gaming videos, but that’s only happened two or three times since they came out almost a year and a half ago.

When they pull away, Phil squeezes Dan’s shoulder and pats his cheek. “Don’t fall in love with any hot girls while you’re there; you have a baby at home.”

Dan laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling and his dimples appearing. “Of course not,” he replies, though he knew Phil was joking. It’s something Phil always teasingly says when Dan is traveling without him.

“Be safe, have fun, all that good stuff.”

“I’ll call you when I get to the hotel.”

“Please,” Phil replies, kissing Dan’s forehead. “Well, we’d better let you go, otherwise you’re going to be running through the airport again.”

“Traveling – my favorite thing to do,” Dan says sarcastically. He presses one more kiss to Emily’s cheek, and then another quick one to Phil’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, now get moving!” Phil exclaims, shoving Dan forward. Dan takes no shame in flipping him off as he walks off. He turns around a few moments later to see Phil and Emily still standing in that same spot, Phil smiling as he helps Emily wave goodbye to him. Dan bites his bottom lip as he waves back, hoping they don’t see the tears in his eyes.

This was going to be _hard_.

————————————————-

Six hours later, Dan was in Barcelona in a nice hotel with a beautiful view of the city.

Work wasn’t starting until tomorrow, so Dan had all the time in the world to do whatever he wanted while he was here, but really, all he wanted to do was go back home to London and be with Phil and Emily.

He hasn’t been gone that long, and he’s already missing them like crazy. He honestly started getting homesick the second he got on the plane, it not having even left the ground yet.

It was probably because he hadn’t traveled without Phil in a long time – honestly, the last time they traveled without each other was sometime before they got married. That was nearly two years ago. So, this was very strange and weird and Dan honestly doesn’t want to go through it again.  

Dan’s always had mild anxiety while flying, despite how much he does it/has to do it. It’s mostly just being claustrophobic, not necessarily about the fear of the plane crashing or because of turbulence. It’s just the lack of space and the feeling like the walls are closing in on him sometimes. Flying with Phil always makes it so much easier – he’ll let him sit in the aisle seat so he doesn’t feel so confined, he’ll offer to let Dan hold his hand, and he’ll let Dan sleep on his shoulder to distract him from the fact that they’re on a plane.

But being there without Phil made it slightly more difficult, but at least it was only a four-hour flight, so it wasn’t as long of a trip as, say, America or Japan. This was doable, but it was still incredibly hard being without Phil.

He falls back on his bed and pulls his phone out from the pocket of his joggers. He turns it on, as he had shut it off during the flight so it wouldn’t distract him while he slept. He waits as the bright screen flashes up, a few seconds passing before the device fully turns on, notifications from social media and text messages from Phil pop up a few moments later.

Dan smiles as he goes to his text messages and sees all the messages from Phil. There’s about twenty of them, which makes him grin like an idiot. He pulls them up and glances through them.

**Phil  
** Emily is already missing you So am I   
(10:31)

**Phil**  
Or maybe she’s just teething idk  
(10:33)

**Phil**  
Spoiler alert she was just teething but I’m sure she misses you too   
Because I miss you  
(10:45)

**Phil**  
Fun fact: Emily does not like peas  
(A photo of Emily sitting in her high chair, a bib tied around her neck, and green baby food all over her face, bib, onesie, and little table, her face looking quite upset, tears forming)  
(13:08)

**Phil  
** Or maybe she’s teething again   
(13:14)

**Phil  
** Spoiler alert she was just teething but I’m sure she also didn’t like the peas  
Because I tried it and it was gross   
(13:29)

**Phil**  
Don’t judge me I was just curious  
We are not doing the baby food challenge   
(13:30)

Dan laughs as he looks through more of the texts, which are just filled with Emily and Phil’s crazy antics. It gives him a warm feeling in his chest and makes him feel happy, like he’s almost back at home with them somehow.

He pulls up Phil’s number and calls it, since he hadn’t told him he was there yet. He brings the phone up to his ear, pulling his knees up to his chest as he does so. The phone literally only rings once before Phil picks it up.

“Hey!” Phil exclaims into the phone.

Dan smiles a closed-mouth smile. “Hey,” he replies. “I made it to the hotel.” He looks around the room; he hadn’t turned any of the lights on, the tele has remained off, and the bathroom has remained undiscovered; that’s usually what Phil would do when they arrive at a hotel, so Dan hadn’t done that just out of habit, as if he was waiting for Phil to call him over, asking him to look at how big the bathroom was or how comfy the bed was and how he was never going to leave it.

“How is it?” Phil questions.

“It’s nice,” Dan replies, looking around at the room. “It’s, like, pretty big, and there’s a nice view.”

“And how was the flight?” Phil asks, sounding concerned. “Was it okay?”

Dan nods his head. “It was weird, but I slept most of the time, so it was fine.” He shrugs his shoulders and lets out a little laugh. “Is it bad that I already want to come home?”

Phil chuckles. “It’s only a week,” he says. “Then you’ll be back and we can snuggle with Emily and the dogs all we want.”

“Speaking of Em, how are you doing with her?” Dan asks, crossing an arm over his chest.

“It’s been going surprisingly well,” Phil replies, sounding quite enthusiastic. “I mean, it’s only been six hours, so I haven’t gone completely crazy yet, but it’s been fine!”

“But she’s teething a lot, huh?”

“Unfortunately, yeah, but she’s stopped crying for now, so hopefully she’s feeling better now.”

“Is she napping right now?”

“She is sitting right next to me,” Phil says. He pauses for a few seconds, and Dan can hear him whisper “wanna say hi to Daddy” to Emily, which Dan can’t help but grin like an idiot at; he covers his face with his hand as he hears Phil put the phone up to Emily’s ear.

“Hi, baby,” Dan says lovingly.

“Ah!” Emily replies, which makes Dan laugh loudly.

“Are you being good for your papa? You aren’t causing any trouble?” Dan asks, biting down on his knuckle because he’s smiling so widely.

“Mmm!” Emily says, basically humming in response. She hasn’t said any actual words yet, but Dan and Phil are sure that’s going to be happening sometime soon, considering how much she’s vocalizing. She beginning to try and mimic words that Dan and Phil say, though she doesn’t know what they mean.

“Well, I love you, Darling, and continue to be good for your papa, yeah? Keep him sane.”

Emily coos, and Phil takes the phone away from her. “I think she really misses you,” he says.

“I miss her,” Dan replies, nodding his head. “And I miss you a lot, too.”

“I miss you, too, Bear, but you’ll be back here soon,” Phil says. “But you sound tired, so I think you should try and take a little nap…wait, when was the last time you ate?”

Dan rolls his eyes; Phil does this sometimes, where he’ll almost act like a concerned parent. It’s just his over-protective side coming out. “Last time I ate was this morning,” he replies honestly.

“Okay, scratch that: get yourself some room service and then go to sleep.”

Dan laughs and nods his head. “Okay,” he says. He closes his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. “Can I Skype you before I go to bed, or will that be too much trouble with Em?”

“It shouldn’t be a problem at all,” Phil replies. “I’ll leave my Skype open and I’ll be there when you want to call.”

Dan smiles. “I love you,” he says.

“I love you, too,” Phil replies. “Only a week, Bear; you’ll be back in no time.”

“I wish I was that optimistic.”

Phil laughs. “Go take care of yourself, and I’ll be ready to Skype when you are.”

“Okay. Talk to you in a bit.”

“Ditto.”

——————————————

This was honestly the longest week of Dan’s entire life.

It was longer than the week before meeting Phil for the first time. It was longer than the week he was waiting to find out if he got accepted into Manchester University. It was longer than the week leading up to his and Phil’s trip to Japan – both times.

It was just unbelievably long.

Filming lasted from nine in the morning until two in the afternoon every day of the week, where he just stood behind the camera. He helped with that and wherever else he was needed. It wasn’t the most exciting thing in the world, so that didn’t help with the time going by slowly.

Martyn and Cornelia kept sending their texts about Emily throughout the day, which were always nice to look at during breaks. Dan and Phil kept an ongoing text conversation to keep each other sane because during the beginning of the week, they were starting to notice the effects of not being with each other (it was almost like they were going through withdrawal).

They’re a very dependent couple – they depend on each other in every circumstance. Dan always thinks that he is more reliant on Phil, but really, it’s equal; Dan is just more vocal about it, whereas Phil just tends to keep it to himself. But they both do rely on each other in every way possible whether people know it or not.

Once Dan’s work was done and when Phil go off from work and picked up Emily, they’d call each other and tell them about their day and all that’s been going on. Those calls could last upwards of two or three hours, but they were never quite as long as the four-and-a-half long Skype conversation they had back in 2009 (which they always refer to as their “record time”, since they’ve never quite been able to beat that), but they were long. Then, they’d part ways for an hour or two, and then Skype before they both settled down for the night to go to bed.

That’s basically how the entire week went. Dan missed his family so much, especially when Phil showed Dan some of the things Emily was learning – she was now able to roll from her stomach to her back, she’s trying to sit on her own, and all this other stuff that she’s just been working on doing when Dan was back in London, and she was now doing or getting better at while Dan is away.

He doesn’t know – he for whatever reason felt like he was just missing out on so much, even though he’s only been gone for a week. Perhaps it was just being away from her for such an extended period of time, where he could be experiencing these things with her first-hand, but instead, he’s relying on Phil and Martyn to tell him. And he appreciates them doing that, but really, he would just prefer actually being there with her and experiencing it with her.

But when Saturday arrives and it’s time for him to leave, he’s bursting with excitement. He enjoyed his time in Spain, but he is more than ready to head back home.

He sends Phil about a billion emojis as he waits in the airport for his plane to arrive, most of them the praying hands emoji. In return, he gets a picture of Emily, whom Phil is lifting up in front of a mirror in their parlor, her eyes staring out the window.

**Phil  
** When will my dad return home from the war?  
(20:18)

Dan shakes his head but can’t hide his smile.

**Dan  
** such a stale meme wtf  
(20:19)

**Phil**  
Your mum’s a stale meme  
(20:19)

**Phil**  
I’m just kidding please don’t tell your mum I said that  
(20:19)

—————————————-

Six hours and one semi-decent nap later, Dan was back in London, feeling quite relieved to be back home. He was tired and was bound to be incredibly cranky in the morning, but he was back and ready to be with his family once again.

Phil and Emily were there waiting for him when he got off the plane, Phil looking like he was relying on coffee to stay awake, and Emily looking wide awake. Dan is unashamed to say that he fast-walked up to them and wrapped his arms unbelievably tight around them, pulling them close to him. Phil is quick to embrace him back, burying his nose into Dan’s curls.

They remain there for a few brief moments before Dan turns his full attention to Emily, whom he takes out of Phil’s arms, pressing a million kisses onto her face as she coos in response.

“Don’t I get any kisses, too?” Phil says jokingly once Dan has completed.

Dan laughs and brings his lips to Phil’s, pressing them together and kissing him without a care in the world. The familiar touch is so comforting and melts his insides just like it did for the first time back in 2009, and he has to stop the kiss prematurely because he’s smiling so much.

He presses his forehead against Phil’s for a few brief moments, just savoring the moment, and then he pulls away, taking Phil’s hand in his free one, signaling that he’s ready to start heading home. “I missed you so much,” Dan says. “It’s so glad to be back.” He looks over at Emily. “I thought you weren’t planning on bringing her with you.”

Phil shrugs his shoulders, squeezing Dan’s hand. “She was teething when I was about to leave, so I figured I might as well take her with.” He reaches over and squeezes Emily’s cheek. “She wanted to see you, I bet.”

Dan presses a kiss to the top of her head and smiles. “Well, I wanted to see you, too,” he says to her. Emily makes some kind of noise and presses her little hand up to Dan’s cheek, which makes his heart melt.

Dan lets out a sigh of relief. “I’m never leaving for that long again,” he says, resting his head against Phil’s shoulder as they walk to luggage claim.

Phil shakes his shoulder. “I’m never letting you leave for that long again.” He laughs. “Just a warning: the house is a mess, since I didn’t really have time to clean, so…yeah, we’ll deal with that later. Don’t get mad at me.”

“I don’t care; I’m ready to be back home.”


	6. Month 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: swearing, sickness/illness

“Do you want to sit in here while Daddy practices piano, huh?” Dan asks to his daughter, whom he is holding in one arm, with a steaming mug of hot coco in the other hand.

It’s a cloudy afternoon on a Saturday, and Dan and Phil surprisingly don’t have anything to do. Usually they might have something for work that they need to get taken care of, or sometimes they’ll be spending the weekend filming some videos, but they were pleased to see that this weekend was basically free. Phil has decided to take this opportunity to work a little bit in his garden in the backyard (“I know it looks like it’s going to rain, but I’m going to take my chances!”) while Dan watched Emily inside.

Dan gets into these moods on occasion where he just feels like playing the piano for an intensely long amount of time, usually until his fingers ache and his wrists sting with pain (“It’s all for the  _arts_!”).

This doesn’t happen that often, as Dan usually only wants to practice for a few minutes each day. But sometimes his perfectionist side comes out and he’ll want to rehearse until he gets a piece absolutely faultless, even if it takes him an entire day.

And today, he’s in one of those moods. So, while watching Emily, Dan sat down at the large white grand piano (A Steinway and Sons Model B Classic Grand, which they started saving up for when they were living in their flat before this house; it’s a very, very nice piano, but Dan and Phil are not going to allow Emily to use the piano – if she decides to take piano lessons – until they think she is responsible enough; if she wants to play piano, they have Dan’s white Yamaha up in the master bedroom for her to play on) to perfect the piece he had been meaning to finish learning how to play for a while – “Aerith’s Theme” from  _Final Fantasy VII_ (because he’s still such a  _Final Fantasy_  nerd and that song makes him emotional, even if he won’t admit it out loud).

“Ah!” Emily exclaims, which Dan takes as an affirmative, even though it’s just her trying to mimic conversation, as she has been trying to do recently; she doesn’t understand words at all, but she does know that if someone is speaking to her, she should attempt to respond, even if she has no clue what they’re saying to her.

He sets down his hot coco on a side table next to the piano and he sits Emily on the baby mat right next to his piano bench. “You can sit down here while I play horribly, yeah?”

Emily merely smiles up at him with that adorable little grin of hers, and that’s when Dan knows that  _yeah_ , she doesn’t understand a single thing he’s saying…either that or she actually  _does_  know what he’s saying, but she’s just trying to not hurt his feelings.

Dan takes his seat on the bench, and he runs his fingers over the glossy keys…well, they would be once he wiped the dust away from them. Yeah, it’s been a while since he’s played on this piano; he’s played a little bit on the Yamaha (mostly because he’s able to change the volume on it so he can play quietly when Emily is sleeping), but he really just hasn’t played piano a lot in general since Emily was born. Obviously, he has plenty other priorities, and playing the piano has been put to the side for a bit, but it feels nice to return to it after being away from it for what feels like forever.

“Don’t judge me too harshly, okay, Em?” Dan says, stupidly wiping the dusty keys with his black jumper. He sighs; he’s going to have Phil wash this after this.

He grabs the notebook where he keeps his music notes. As always, he doesn’t use sheet music; he learns by ear and writes down the notes on a piece of paper. He can’t read sheet music that well, no matter how many times he’s tried to learn, but he thinks his technique just works a lot better for him.

He cracks his wrists hastily before beginning to play a few scales to warm up: B-flat, C, F, and G: the only ones he really managed to learn from his psycho piano teacher before he quit. She managed to get that much wedged into his brain – she would scream at him at the beginning of rehearsals if he didn’t have a scale memorized, so Dan literally spend hours every night running through his scales on his shitty plastic keyboard. He has only managed to remember those four, the “most basic” of the scales, according to his piano instructor.

After that, he looks down to see that Emily is just staring up at him, as if waiting for him to start playing the actual song. So, that’s exactly what Dan does – he slowly begins to play the beginning of the piece, which is rather simple – it’s a pattern of one measure of major, one of minor. Dan would consider it a more simplified version of the main melody.

He goes through the introduction of the piece, and then he stops and makes little notes on his sheet of paper – don’t rush the eight notes, don’t play the left hand harmonies too loud, et cetera. Whatever things he needed to remember.

He then played through that section of the song again, paying extra attention to those certain details he had written down. During this time, Emily is leaning against one of the legs of the piano bench, allowing her to sit up. She’s getting better at being able to sit unsupported, but usually Dan and Phil think it’s just best to let her lean against something just to help her out a little bit…and also so they don’t get over-protective and freak out, thinking she’s going to fall onto the hardwood floor.

Emily leans forward and grabs her toes, grasping them in her hands, a thing she has started doing a lot more recently. She leans even more forward and pulls her feet up to her face, managing to stick her toes in her mouth. She tastes them for a few brief seconds before she grimaces, realizing it’s not meant to be put in her mouth. She pulls away and makes a disgusted noise, causing Dan to stop playing the piano.

“What, am I that bad?” Dan questions, looking down at her with his eyebrows jokingly lowered. He shakes his head and turns his attention back to the piece, running through from the beginning another time. He’s still messing up on the accidentals, so he needs to remember that those notes change from how they were in the measure before.

Emily looks over to the side-table right by her. Next to her baby mat, there is a stack of papers almost as tall as her. Curiously, Emily reaches over and takes one of the papers, which contains Dan’s notes for playing the “Yuri on Ice” piano solo.

Emily doesn’t know – obviously, as she is a baby – but Dan worked on learning that piece for months and months and months before he was able to play it all the way through without making any mistakes, and that piece is freaking  _difficult_. He hasn’t played it in a while because he knows he won’t ever be able to play it as well as that one time, but he had considered picking it back up and seeing how well he remembered it.

Well, let’s all hope he had the first portion of the song memorized, as Emily decides to put the piece of paper in her mouth, her slobber smearing the gel ink Dan had used to write down the notes and rhythms of the beginning of “Yuri on Ice”.

Hearing the sound of crinkling paper, Dan stops playing and glances down at Emily, seeing her basically eating his paper.

“Oh, Em, don’t do that!” he exclaims, tugging the paper out of her mouth. He looks at the damages – it’s pretty smeared, and it just makes Dan’s barely legible handwriting even worse. He sighs and looks down at her, and she has an expressionless look on her face and drool coming out of her mouth.

Dan shakes his head. “How lovely,” he says, setting the piece of paper back down on the stack, making mental plans to try and rewrite what had been ruined. “You cheeky little bugger.”

“Ah!” Emily replies.

“You’re so freaking proud of yourself. I can’t believe you.”

“Ah!”

Dan reaches down and pulls her up, placing her on his shoulders, holding her tightly. “I think you’re going to get some time alone to play,” he says, getting up from the piano bench. “I’ll let you go play with the dogs so you don’t ruin my music anymore, yeah? And yeah, it was kind of my fault for putting it on the floor, but still.” He begins walking across the hall to the parlor, where the dogs are situated. “And don’t you dare mess up my hair, either; Papa and I are filming once you go down for your nap, and I would rather not have to redo it.”

Just as he says this, Emily’s hands grasp onto Dan’s curly hair, tugging lightly at the locks.

“Goddamn it; I trusted you.”

“Swear jar!” Phil yells from the kitchen, where he has just conveniently entered the house from outside, needing to fill up his watering can.

“Shut up!”

————————————–

“Darcy, you’re really good with Em,” Dan says with a smile on his face as he watches Louise’s daughter play with Emily in the sandbox, taking sand and putting it in the five-month-old’s hands, the grains falling through the little girl’s fingers.

It’s a Saturday morning, and Louise needed Dan and Phil to look after her oldest child for a little bit, as she had some errands to run. Dan and Phil decided a fun way to spend their time would be by taking Emily and Darcy to the playground near their house, where it would be Emily’s first trip there. They were told that now would be a good time to take her out to playgrounds and parks and let her explore.

And Emily always gets very happy whenever she’s with Darcy, so Dan and Phil were more than willing to let the two girls have some fun for a bit at the park.

“Thank you,” Darcy says with a smile.

“When you get a bit older, you might be the one to babysit her,” Phil suggests, patting Darcy’s shoulder.

“Really?” Darcy asks, sounding quite surprised at the thought.

Dan and Phil laugh and nod their heads. “Yeah; why not? You would be perfect for the job,” Phil explains just as Emily lifts her sandy hand to her mouth, about to taste it. She’s still been in that phase where she wants to lick or taste everything in sight; she’s learning which things are okay to eat, and what things are not, but it doesn’t always catch on right away.

He reaches out and pulls it away from her. “No, Em; you can’t eat that,” he says. He pulls out a baby rag from the baby bag and wipes off Emily’s mouth. The little girl pouts but turns her attention back to the sand, tapping it with her hands, getting her entire outfit covered in sand.

“When will she be able to talk?” Darcy questions, beginning to attempt to mold some of the sand into a little hill, but it’s too dry to do anything with it, really.

“Not for a while, unfortunately,” Phil answers.

Dan shakes his head. “But not as articulate as you,” he elaborates.

Darcy furrows her eyebrows. “What does that mean?” She picks up a little toy shovel and begins sifting through the sandbox, as if trying to find buried treasure.

“She won’t speak in full sentences,” Dan explains. “She might say one or two words, but she won’t understand what they mean and they won’t always make sense.” He shrugs his shoulders. “When she gets a bit older, she’ll be able to speak just as clearly as you.” He pokes her cheek, and Darcy grins widely at him.

“Can we go play on the swing set now?” Darcy requests, pointing to the swings just a few feet over.

“Of course,” Phil says as Dan lifts Emily out of the sandbox. Phil holds out his hand for Darcy, and he helps her stand up and get out of the sand. She stomps out the sand from her shoes before they make their way over to the swings.

Darcy sets herself down on the normal swing, while Dan places Emily in the baby swing right beside her, settling her down so she is comfortable. Emily isn’t vocalizing or making too many noises, which is normal because she’s in a new situation, as she’s never been to a park before.

Right away, Phil begins swinging Darcy high in the sky, her squeals echoing throughout the mostly empty park. There are a few other kids and their parents over by the slides and the rock-climbing wall, so, in normal Dan and Phil fashion, they stayed over where no one else was, in the farthest corner of the park.

Dan pushes Emily as gently as possible in the swing, as it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea if he were to push her too hard, considering she’s still quite young and a lot can shake her up, so he just gently pushes her back and forth.

They remain on the swings for a few more minutes before Dan and Phil decide it would be a good time to head back home, as it was going to rain soon.

On the way to the car, Emily in Phil’s arm and Darcy holding onto one of each of Dan and Phil’s hands, Darcy looks up at Dan as she skips forward. “Y’know, my mummy lets me have ice cream when we’re done at the park,” she says confidently.

Dan quirks an eyebrow; he knows that’s not the truth, and Phil is also very aware of that. “Oh, does she?” Dan asks.

Darcy nods her head. “She does.”

“Well, that’s quite nice of her, isn’t it?” Phil replies, removing his hand from Darcy’s to pull his keys out of his pocket.

“It is.”

“Are you trying to hint at something, Darcy?” Dan questions as Phil unlocks the car doors.

Darcy looks up at the sky. “Maybe…”

“Are you  _lying_  to us, Darcy?”

“ _No_!” Darcy responds a little too quickly.

Dan laughs as he opens the door for Darcy and shakes his head. “You’re not getting it,” he says, patting her head.

Darcy pouts, earning a laugh from both Dan and Phil.  

————————————-  
A few days later, Dan and Phil decided to bathe Emily in the regular bathtub for the first time. She, of course, had her baths in the sink up until this point, so this was a rather special occasion for the baby. And they figured she would be rather excited.

Except, for some reason, she wasn’t. In fact, it was the complete opposite.

Instead of being open to the new adventure and slipping into the tub with ease, allowing her fathers to wash her with ease, she cried and sobbed as Phil tried to place her into the lukewarm water. She did that thing that babies do where they go limp and try to slip out of the grasp, but Phil managed to catch her before she fell to the tiled floor.

“C’mon, baby – it isn’t going to hurt you,” Phil says as he and Dan try to console her after that little incident. They’re seated on the floor, the water in the tub just getting colder and colder. Emily is wrapped up in a blanket and resting against Phil’s chest as she cries, her face turning a bright red. “It’s going to be fun! You were supposed to enjoy this!”

“It’s just water!” Dan tries, running his thumb up and down the length of her tear-stained cheek. “You normally love bath time!”

She doesn’t stop crying – in fact, it seems to only get worse. Phil places her up on his chest so her head is resting on his shoulder, allowing her to cry on his shirt, her fingers grasping it. Phil runs a hand up and down her back and rocks slightly back and forth.

“Should we just have her take it in the sink?” Phil asks over the sound of Emily crying.

“I think we can get her to take it in here,” Dan replies, gesturing to the tub. “We just need to figure out what’s bothering her.” He runs a hand through Emily’s hair. “She ate just an hour ago, so it’s not that, and she doesn’t need her diaper changed, and her naptime isn’t for another three hours, so I have no clue what’s wrong.”

As if on cue, Emily lifts her nose up off Phil’s shoulder and sneezes before coughing twice, her crying momentarily ceasing as she does so. Dan and Phil both give shocked expressions when they hear her, and they look up at each other, as if trying to figure out if what they heard was real or not.

“Um…do you wanna grab the thermometer?” Phil asks Dan. “Clean it off first?”

Dan nods his head and gets up. He goes to the medicine cabinet above the sink and rummages through its mostly unorganized state, fishing out a thermometer that really, honestly, hasn’t been used as much as it should be, but whatever. He takes the cap off and runs the tip of it under the cold tap water, and then brings it over to Phil.

Phil takes it and turns it on, and it luckily still works. He, as gently as he can, opens Emily’s mouth, despite her protests, and places the device underneath her tongue. Emily pouts and looks as though she is about to start crying again, but Dan leans down and pecks her forehead multiple times and Phil massages her back to keep her comfortable.

After a few seconds pass, the device beeps, and Phil removes it, and he and Dan both look at the screen together.

_39.83°_

“Crap.”

—————————————

So, Emily was sick. Her first illness.

“Normally babies get sick for the first time earlier than this, so you two are quite lucky,” the doctor told them as he wrote a prescription for the medicine they were going to get for Emily.

It was just a normal cold – she had a fever, a stuffy nose, and a bad cough, and it probably was caused by their trip to the park. For a person with a fully developed immune system, that would be fine – just rest up and you’ll get better in a week or so.

For Emily, it was pure torture. She was irritable, wouldn’t sleep, and was just in the worst state Dan and Phil had ever seen her in.

“She threw up again,” Dan announces, holding Emily close to him as he rushes into the bathroom on the first floor.

Phil comes out of the office. “Again?” he questions.

“ _Yes,_ Phil,  _again_ ,” Dan says irritably, the sound of water from the tap being heard.

Yeah, Dan and Phil aren’t in that good of a state, either.

They, of course, have had to tend to Emily’s needs since this whole situation has started. It wasn’t easy at all – just like when she was a newborn, she was up in the late hours of the night, she needed to constantly be handled, and all that other stuff. They’ve stayed home from work to be with her, they’ve stayed up late to be with her, and they’ve basically given up on taking care of themselves to be with her.

So, naturally, Dan and Phil haven’t gotten a whole lot of rest, so now they, too are, incredibly irritated lately, often taking out their frustrations out on each other.

Yeah, things just aren’t that pretty currently.

“Do you need help?” Phil asks as he steps into the bathroom doorway, seeing Dan, looking as frazzled as ever, take a hand towel and wipe Emily’s face gently, the little girl sniffling and her eyes watering.

“ _No_ , I’ve got this,” Dan answers.

“Where’d she throw up?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yeah, so I can clean it up.”

Dan turns off the tap and shakes his head, throwing the towel into the hamper that’s right by the shower. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But I wanna help,” Phil says.

Dan frowns as he pulls Emily up out of the sink, holding her to his shoulder. “There’s not really much you can do.”

Phil frowns as he moves out of the way, letting Dan walk out of the room. Dan turns off the light with his shoulder as he leaves, and he heads towards the direction of the stairs that lead down to the first floor. “Well, will you let me know if there  _is_  anything I can do?”

“Yeah,” Dan says without a lot of enthusiasm as he heads downstairs.

“…alright.”

And that’s basically how things went for the entirety of while Emily was sick – irritated Dan, irritated Phil, and irritated Emily. Everything was off-balanced in the world, and they honestly couldn’t wait until Emily got better.

“Do you need me to call over a neighbor or Louise or Martyn and have them walk the dogs?” Phil asks when he sees Dan pass the parlor. Phil is sitting on the couch in the parlor, Emily trying to fall asleep in his arms. The dogs are sitting over by the front door of the house, taking glances up whenever they hear someone move.

“Why?” Dan calls.

“Because the dogs haven’t been on a walk since Emily got sick, and they don’t just want to play in the back garden,” Phil replies, watching as Emily’s closed eyelids flicker before she lets out three coughs.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan replies.

“Well, it’s too late for that now,” Phil says without even thinking.

He hears Dan groan, and he can bet he’s rolling his eyes right now. “We can take care of it.”

“When?”

“When Em goes to sleep, I can take them out, okay?” Phil knows full-well that whenever Dan ends a sentence with “okay” in a harsh tone, that means he’s incredibly exasperated and doesn’t want to do what he just said he would do.

Phil shakes his head. “What you need to do is rest when Em goes to sleep.”

“Well, with you yelling, I don’t think she’s going to be going to sleep.”

“You’re in a different room! What am I supposed to do?” Phil asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Uh,  _come in here_?”

“Em is trying to go to sleep! She needs to stay still!”

“Put her in the fricking crib!”

“She wanted attention! She’s sick, Dan!”

“Oh, I  _didn’t know that_. I was  _completely_  unware.”

Phil sighs. “Whatever.” Looks like the dogs are just going to have to wait a little bit longer.

And so is Phil’s patience.

————————————

They sleep at different times in order to keep their eyes on Emily. Definitely not because they get mad at each other quite easily.

It’s hard, they’ll admit, but they’re too goddamn stubborn to give it up. And they’re too tired to really control what they’re saying to each other.

They  _never_  fight. Ever. Well, not “ever”, but basically because the last time they fought was in 2012. That was another lifetime ago. Other than that, they might have a little disagreement that is easily resolved, and often times their domestic banter might seem like fighting (when really it’s just their kind of humor), but they’ve never full on  _fought_.

And this kind of fighting that’s going on right now is not the same as in 2012 – in 2012, there were just silent treatments and days without talking to each other in order to avoid getting into an argument.

This, here, there’s bickering, there’s side-comments, and there’s a multitude of eye rolling. They’re so tired and they’re so concerned for Emily that they never stop and think about what they’re about to say to each other, which can lead to some nasty things being said.

And while it might not  _seem_  nasty to other people, it is to them; what they say to each other is never outright. It’s always in-between the lines but yet so easy for Dan and Phil to figure out because they’ve known each other for so long and they know how these things work.

It’s hard. It’s not like they  _want_  to be fighting. They absolutely hate this, but there’s not really that much they can do until Emily gets better and things start getting back to normal.

“Dan, I’m sorry! Okay, I’m sorry! How many times do you want me to say it?” Phil asks.

They’re arguing. Again. What’s new?

They’re in the living room; the dogs are in the basement because they heard shouting, and Emily is just sitting off by herself, playing with toys. She’s beginning to get a little better, but the arguing doesn’t seem to be.

“You were supposed to give her the medicine at a certain time, and I told you about a hundred times to do that! Yet, for some reason, you didn’t! What the heck, Phil?” Dan exclaims. His face is pink, he’s running his hands through his hair, and he can’t stay in one place.

Phil is the opposite – he’s trying to maintain composure, as he often tries to do. “I forgot! I’m a human, and I forget things.”

“Write it down! Put it in your phone! Tie a shoelace around your finger! I don’t freaking care, just do what I ask you to do!”

“I gave her the medicine!”

“Yeah, when I reminded you of it when I got back from the shop!” Dan exclaims, slapping his hands to his sides. “That’s not how it works, Phil; you’re supposed to do it on your own.”

“I’m sorry!” Phil exclaims. “What more do you want me to say? I’m really drawing a blank, so please, by all means, tell me what I can do.”

“Do what I ask you to!”

“Dan, I told you I’m sorry!”

“That’s not going to fix-“

“Tell me what I can do  _right now_ to get you to stop being mad at me.”

“I’m not mad, I’m just irritated that you didn’t do a simple task.”

“Dan, all I-“

Right at that moment, Emily begins crying, her face a bright pink and her eyes closed tightly. Dan and Phil instantly turn towards her, watching as hot tears drop from her eyes. Dan and Phil’s shoulders slump and their faces soften, relieving the tension from their faces.

Emily looks completely upset and completely distressed, and it’s probably because of all the loud noises. A hint of guilt rushes over Dan and Phil’s bodies as they watch and hear her cry loudly, shrieking and sobbing as if in pain. Completely forgetting about their previous argument, they both rush over to her together. They kneel down beside her, and Phil is quick to take the little girl into his arms, holding her tightly to him.

“Oh, don’t cry,” Phil whispers into her ear. “It’s okay; it’s okay.”

Dan reaches over and rubs Emily’s back, his thumb drawing invisible circles and other various shapes as well. Emily continues to cry, though it quickly slows down. Phil rocks her gently back and forth in his arms in an attempt to calm her down, pressing little kisses to the top of her head.

As she begins to go silent, Dan and Phil turn to each other, now noticing the bags under their eyes, the tired expressions, and the poor posture. Every ounce of anger that had been in their bodies only a few moments ago is quickly wiped away.

“I’m sorry,” they say at the same time, causing them to laugh afterwards together, their heads falling back merrily.

“I am really sorry, though,” Phil says afterwards, adjusting his seating so he’s closer to Dan. It’s a small gesture, but it makes Dan feel a lot better. “I’m sorry I didn’t do what you said. I should’ve listened to you more, because I knew you were stressed and tired.”

Dan shakes his head and takes Phil’s free hand in his. “No,  _I’m_  sorry. I was being really rude to you when I shouldn’t have been, and I was being such a dick,” he says. He furrows his eyebrows. “Does that count as a swear jar?”

Phil laughs and shakes his head. “You’re fine,” he replies, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Dan’s cheek.

Dan sighs with relief and smiles at his husband. He leans his forehead against Phil’s shoulder. He lets out a yawn and closes his eyes, feeling a weight off his shoulder.

Phil kisses the top of Dan’s head. “Want to get this sick little one to bed, and then we can go take a nap, too?”

“You read my mind.”

“Always do.”


	7. Month 7

“You know, I appreciate how much all of you are worried about if we’re getting enough sleep considering how tired we look, but I can assure you that we are fine,” Dan says with a laugh as he reads through the chat that is constantly moving up the screen on his laptop.

Dan and Phil have collectively decided that right now would be a good time to put their YouTube channels back into action. They feel as though they have a lot more time to record when they need to, and Emily is getting to a point where she doesn’t need to be watched at every moment when she’s awake, though, of course, it is always important to know where she is.

But that’s beside the point; she’s six months old, so she’s still needy but not  _as_ needy as, say, a one-month old, thus making time for filming and live-shows significantly easier.

Dan and Phil have both already recorded one video for each of their main channels, and they’re planning on filming some gaming videos soon, but for now, they figured they’d just ease into the process by doing that live-show that Phil had promised in that note they put up on Twitter a few months back, which is exactly what they’re doing now.

They’re in the office, seated on the sofa with the laptop balanced on their knees. The dogs are playing on the floor, and Emily is seated across from them, playing and exploring with some hand-me-down toys that Louise had found and gave to her. She’s often times quiet when she’s playing by herself, which is why Dan and Phil have allowed her to be in the room.

Phil chuckles and nods his head as he rests his chin on his hand. “We’re all good, guys!” he exclaims. He also reads through the chat, and off-camera, he bumps his foot against Dan’s, and Dan tries his hardest to hide his smile. He hooks his foot around his husband’s ankle. “Just a little tired; it’s been a long week.”

“Work and babies and videos has been our week,” Dan explains. “But it’s nice to know that we’re going to be back to YouTube because we have been missing it quite a lot.” He looks over at Phil, and his eyes search his husband’s face. “‘Cause, you know, it was and still is our lives, and it felt weird to leave it for so long, even though it was really the best thing for us, but we know you all have heard that from us about a billion times before.”

“My constant need to apologize has rubbed off on you,” Phil says to him, grinning though it’s slightly difficult for the audience to see.

Dan shakes his head and bites his bottom lip as the corners of his mouth turn upwards slightly, his dimples giving it away that he’s smiling. “Perhaps it has,” he says. He clears his throat and adjusts his hair. “But, yeah, we are very excited to be back and doing all of this fun stuff again.”

“It’s like reuniting with an old friend,” Phil adds.

Dan nods his head in agreement. “And, of course, in classic Dan and Phil fashion, videos on the main channel are going to be-“ he begins chuckling, as he can’t think of the words to use, “-not updated that often? What am I even saying?”

Phil shakes his head. “I have no clue what you’re trying to say.”

Dan sighs and rubs a hand over his forehead. “I’m blaming it on having too much caffeine earlier.” He exhales and then looks back at the screen. “Okay, so main channel videos aren’t going to be up regularly, just as it was before.”

“Sorry! Those videos just take too long to make regularly,” Phil says.

“Inspiration for the videos and making skits and editing those just take way too long, yeah,” Dan further explains. He looks over at Phil. “Well, you just sit down and start filming most of the time.”

Phil shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah, most of the time I do. Like, 90 percent of the time I do, but sometimes I’ll plan one out, though not in much detail as you do.” He points at Dan. “You lock yourself in the office and just stare at your computer for a week when you want to make a video.”

Dan rolls his eyes and lets out a noise that’s a mix between an exhale and a cough. “Okay, that’s an over-exaggeration.”

“But it’s  _basically_  what you do,” Phil says, giving Dan “that look”.

Dan shakes his head. “Whatever.”

“What do you even do when you’re planning a video? Like, why does it take that long?” Phil questions.

“I am reaching to the deepest, most darkest points of my soul and trying to find some kind of topic that fits into my existential lifestyle while also being humorous to other people, which usually just ends up being me making fun of myself.”

Phil nods his head. “Nice.”

Dan tries his hardest to hide his grin, and he doesn’t reply verbally.

Phil continues searching through the chat, seeing various questions, people asking them to visit their country, and asking them to kiss and hug and whatever (which has replaced the “where is Phil” and “where is Dan” questions).

“‘How is Emily doing?’ Anna in the chat has just asked,” Phil reads aloud. He peers over at her from above the laptop and sees her trying to properly fit a circle peg into its opening on one of those toys that’s putting shapes into their holes. “She’s doing very well, thank you for asking!”

Dan nods his head. “She’s been making a lot of progress these past few weeks. Her second tooth came in, she’s able to roll over, and she’s…well, ‘talking’,” he uses air-quotes, “a lot, so she’s, yeah, she’s doing really well.”

“And she just recently recovered from her first cold, which was an experience,” Phil continues. “But she’s all fine and healthy now, so nothing to worry about.” He shows a thumbs-up to the audience, smiling happily. He clears his throat and looks through the chat again. “People are asking if she’ll be in any future videos.”

Dan sighs and relaxes back against the couch, Phil draping his arm over the back of the couch behind him – a simple, normal thing for Phil to do when they’re not on camera, but it’s definitely going to be screenshotted and become people’s profile pictures and the muse for their phanart.

“Okay, so we put her a lot on our social media-“

“You do it more,” Phil interrupts laughing.

“-we are both guilty – we put pictures up of her all the time and all this other stuff, but I don’t think she’s going to be in that many videos.” He shrugs his shoulders. “We know how much you guys love seeing her, and we love showing her off, but she’s probably not going to be in a lot of videos.”

“Unless they’re, like, Day in the Life videos, considering she’s been in two, technically three of those already,” Phil says with a laugh.

Dan chuckles and nods his head. “Very true. But, like, normal four-to-ten minute Daniel Howell/danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil videos are not going to contain much Emily.”

“She’s a baby, so she doesn’t understand much of what’s going on, and she doesn’t always have that good of an attention span,” Phil explains.

“Yeah, so unfortunately no Emily is in the future for main channel videos. But, perhaps during live-shows that we’re doing together, she can make an appearance if she’s willing.”

Phil laughs as he reads the chat. “‘Is she willing to make an appearance now’ is what most people are asking,” he says, looking over at Dan with a wide smile.

“Oh, you’re all in it for your parent!phan fix, huh?” Dan asks jokingly, shaking his head at the webcam. “That’s all you love us for now – our domestic life where we’re married and raising a child and two dogs. Wow, people; I feel loved.”

Phil pats Dan’s cheek briefly before turning his head out of the shot, calling Emily’s name. Emily turns her head around to face Phil, her hand still hitting the square peg she was now playing with on the floor. Phil gets up from the couch, adjusting the laptop so it was now fully on Dan’s lap, and he walks over to Emily, picking her up and bringing her over to Dan.

He sits back down beside his husband, settling Emily down on his lap. His arm returns to where it had been, while his other arm wraps around his daughter. “Here she is,” Phil says, patting Emily’s stomach.

Dan looks lovingly down at her before adjusting the laptop so all three of them were properly in-frame. “She had just been playing over on the floor,” he explains. “So if you heard some weird noises in the background, that was her.”

“Everyone in the chat is just saying they’re amazed at how big she’s gotten,” Phil says, grinning. He looks down at Emily.

“Yeah, well you can’t exactly tell how big someone is based on a few Instagram pictures,” Dan explains, reaching over and pinching Emily’s chubby cheek. “She was, what, three kilo when she was born?”

“She was 3.4 kilo and 48 centimeters when she was born,” Phil explains. “And now, at six months, she’s, like eight kilo and 66 centimeters.” They had just gone to her six-month check-up, which is why the numbers were so clear in his head. He removes his arm from behind Dan and lifts Emily up so she’s standing on his knee with his assistance, and she immediately begins bouncing slightly, giggling. “So, she’s definitely bigger.”

“It’s as if she’s growing literally every day,” Dan says. “Her growth spurts have stopped for the time being, but still.” He reaches over and holds one of Emily’s hands in his, her fingers instantly curling around his pointer finger without a moment’s hesitation. “She’s getting bigger.”

“Are you going to cry?” Phil questions, laughing slightly.

Dan snickers and shakes his head. “I can assure you I am not going to cry.”

“Dan’s a crier in case you couldn’t tell.”

“Shut up!” Dan exclaims, hitting Phil’s shoulder lightly with his hand.

Phil shrugs smugly. “You can’t hide from these things; you have to own up to them.”

“By crying in front of thousands of people?”

“Give the audience what they want, Dan. Give the audience what they want.”

Dan shakes his head and points his thumb to his husband. “My husband, everyone.”

“Ah!” Emily shrieks as Phil sets her back down so she’s seated back on his knee.

“Agreed,” Dan says.

——————————————–

Dan and Phil knew positively that they weren’t going to be attending any YouTube conventions this summer, despite their decision to enter back into the world of making videos. Starting that up again was fine, but traveling to Summer in the City, Playlist Live, VidCon, and others would be asking far too much from them, if they’re being honest.

So, unfortunately, they’re not going to be able to see their other YouTube friends this year, as the time when they get together is usually at these conventions because it’s just much more convenient. But Dan and Phil aren’t ready to leave Emily for, say, a whole week while they’re in another country, and they don’t want to bring her to any big conventions yet. Perhaps she will attend with them in the future, when she doesn’t take two naps a day and has to eat five or six different times throughout the day. And also preferably when she’s potty trained.

One of their good friends, Cat, who lives in California, had the idea that she come up to London for a weekend to spend some time and to meet Emily, as she hadn’t actually gotten to see her in real life yet.

She would be in London for Summer in the City in August, but she would be busy with her panels, meet-and-greets, and meeting/collabing with other YouTubers during that time, and Dan and Phil had no clue what their schedules would be like, either – they wouldn’t be going to the convention, despite it being in their hometown, but YouTubers were probably going to want to make videos with them or invite them out and all that other stuff, and also work was probably going to interfere slightly, too.

But, having Cat come up to London and letting her stay with them for a weekend would be nice, since they probably wouldn’t be able to get together during Summer in the City.

So, on an early Saturday morning, Phil drove to the airport while Dan and Emily were still fast asleep at home, but were (hopefully) going to be awake by the time Phil returned with Cat.

Phil got there only a few minutes before Cat’s plane landed, and when she arrived, he greeted her with a welcoming hug and a bright smile, instantly chattering to each other about everything that has been going on since they last saw each other, which was last summer.

Cat collected her bags and the two of them loaded up the car and headed back to the house, making a quick stop for coffee for him, Cat, and (because Phil is such a nice husband) for Dan.

When they got to the house, Phil helped Cat carry in her bags, and when they entered the house, they saw the lights were on, meaning Dan was awake.

The dogs appear at the doorway the second Phil and Cat enter the house, their tails wagging as they hop up onto Cat, their tongues sticking out of their mouths. Cat instantly kneels down, dropping her backpack, and pets the dogs affectionately, saying how cute and adorable they are and how big they’ve gotten since she last saw them.

A few seconds later, Dan walks down the stairs, looking almost like he just threw on his day clothes haphazardly, meaning he probably woke up only a few minutes ago. He is holding onto Emily, who is still in the onesie she had been sleeping in – a white one with cartoon cows printed all over it. The little girl is wide awake, but Dan definitely looks really tired.

“There’s the Sleeping Beauties,” Phil says with a laugh, causing Cat to turn her attention away from the dogs and to Dan and Emily. She squeals with excitement and rushes over to Dan, and she wraps her arms around him, hugging him for a few brief moments.

“Hi! I’m so excited to see you!” Cat exclaims, pulling away, smiling at her friend.

“I’m glad to see you, too,” Dan replies, adjusting his hold on Emily, who was staring intently at Cat.

Cat gasps as she looks over at Emily. “And is this who I think she is?” she questions, giving a wide, open-mouthed smile as she reaches out her hands for the baby.

Dan laughs and nods his head. “This is Emily,” he introduces, looking over at his little daughter, who has an unreadable expression on her face. He bounces her lightly in his arms. “She just woke up, so she’s not that enthusiastic.”

Cat chuckles as she shakes her head. “Oh, I don’t mind; she’s so freaking cute!” she exclaims. “Can I hold her?”

“Go right ahead,” Dan says, passing Emily over to her. Emily’s pout gets bigger the more she gets away from her dad, but Dan doesn’t seem to notice.

Cat takes a hold of Emily, holding her slightly awkwardly at first, but Dan helps to adjust her so Emily is comfortable. “Hi!” Cat says, getting her face fairly close to the little girl’s. She turns to Phil. “Oh, she’s adorable.”

Emily’s eyes begin to water, and she turns her head to look at Dan, her eyes reading something that’s almost like “please take me away from her”. Dan bites his bottom lip when it fully hits him that  _oh yeah_  Emily hasn’t met Cat yet – this wouldn’t normally be a problem, but lately, Emily has started crying or gone silent whenever someone she’s never met looks at her or tries to interact with her. It freaks her out because she’s so used to only seeing this handful of people – Dan, Phil, and their families and their friends that live in England that are able to visit her easily.

So, Dan’s positive Emily is going to start crying at any moment because she has never met Cat or even seen her before.

And sure enough, as Cat begins to try and rock her, which is slightly awkward because of the position Emily is in (she’s not in both of Cat’s arms; she’s resting on her chest and shoulder), tears stream down the baby’s cheeks, and she closes her eyes as she begins to cry loudly, letting her body go slightly limp as she tries to escape from Cat’s grasp. Dan and Phil’s faces go pale and their eyes widen.

“Wait, why are you crying?” Cat asks, patting Emily’s back. She looks over at Phil. “Did I do something wrong?”

Phil shakes his head. “She’s never met you before, so she’s not really…comfortable around you yet?” he says. He reaches over and Cat gives him Emily, and he cradles her to his chest. “It’s nothing you’ve done, don’t worry; it’s just stranger danger, I guess.”

“Oh, I feel so bad,” Cat replies, putting a hand over her chest.

“For what? It’s nothing you could’ve really prevented,” Dan says, shrugging his shoulders as he walks over to his husband and daughter, running a comforting hand up and down Emily’s back.

“I made her cry, though,” Cat says, feeling kind of helpless in the situation Emily is in – Dan and Phil are trying to calm her down, and if she were to try and help, she would only make it worse.

“Don’t worry about it; she’ll get used to you by the time your stay is over,” Phil says. “It just takes some time. It’s nothing you’ve done.” He gives her a warm smile, and Emily has fully calmed down now, her crying stopped. “But, anyway, enough about that; you must be really tired, so we’ll take you up to the guest room and you can rest up for a bit of you need to.” He looks down at Emily and grins at her. “C’mon – let’s show our guest her room!”

“Ah!” Emily shrieks, her attitude a complete 180 from when Cat was holding her.

Phil walks up the stairs as Dan picks up Cat’s bags from the floor, following his husband up the stairs with a grin. Cat remains down in the foyer for a few seconds longer, trying to decide if this was a good idea or not.

——————————————

“I feel bad,” Phil tells Dan a few minutes later, after getting Cat settled into her room and leaving her to rest up before they were going to take her out to breakfast. Dan and Phil are now currently in the living room, drinking their lukewarm coffees while catching up on an episode of an anime they’ve been meaning to finish.

Dan furrows his eyebrows and turns to his husband. “Feel bad about what?” he asks, blindly reaching over to the armrest of the couch. He grabs the remote and pauses the tele, since they watch subbed anime, so they don’t want to miss anything.

“I feel bad that Cat feels bad,” Phil says, frowning as he looks down at Emily, who is seated on his knee, playing with a toy, not paying attention to really anything else going on around her.

“You were the one to tell her it was all good, though,” Dan points out, draping an arm around Phil’s shoulders comfortingly.                                  

“I know, but I still feel bad,” Phil replies, leaning into Dan’s touch. “I know we can’t control it and that it’s just Emily looking out for herself, but I still feel like it’s my fault.”

Phil is the kind of person who, no matter what the situation is, takes other people’s emotions onto himself. If something bad is happening around him, he’ll often times feel personally responsible for it, even though he had nothing to do with it. He’s learned to get better at it over the years, but sometimes that side of him just can’t help but come out.

“It’s not your fault, babe; it’s nothing you should be worried about,” Dan says, pressing a kiss to Phil’s slightly stubbly jaw – he hadn’t had time to shave that morning, and honestly, Dan’s not complaining one bit. “Like you said: Emily will get used to Cat hopefully by the end of her stay here. That was only the first time Emily had met her, so she was bound to be a little nervous around a new person. You know how she has been lately.” He gestures down to Emily, who looks up at her dad at the mention of herself. Dan smiles and runs a hand through her hair.

Phil nods and pulls Emily closer to his chest, resting his chin on top of her head. “I know,” he says.

Dan rubs Phil’s shoulder firmly. “So, it’s nothing to worry about. Don’t think any of this is your fault, because it’s not. You’re fine, she’s fine, we’re all fine.” He kisses Phil’s shoulder through the fabric of his shirt.

Phil smiles softly and leans over and pecks Dan’s lips. “Thank you,” he says. “You always know exactly what to say.”

Dan smirks proudly and lays his head on Phil’s shoulder. “I learned from the best.”

————————————

Once Cat woke up from her little nap, they took her out for breakfast and more coffee (because more is more). Cat became very cautious and timid around Emily, not looking at her for too long and not really speaking to her, either. Dan and Phil tried to make it seem like they didn’t notice when, really, it was quite obvious how much Cat was avoiding their daughter.

After that, they just kind of wandered around the city, stopping at a few places along the way just because and all that fun stuff. They had a small lunch back at the house (Phil made them go back home because he forgot to water the houseplants that morning), hung out there for a little longer, and then went out for afternoon tea.

They had to admit – it was a little awkward, but not because of Cat or whatever. It was because it was two guys, a girl, and a baby together at a table in this beautiful little venue that was mostly filled with middle-to-elderly aged women who actually do afternoon tea on a regular basis (unlike Dan and Phil, who have only done it a handful of times, and it was usually just with American friends who wanted the “full British experience”, even though most people in England don’t do afternoon tea), who love to come up and say hi to Emily, which just made everything worse.

Of course, Emily would start crying, and then Dan or Phil would comfort the baby, and the elderly woman who approached them would turn to Cat and say, “oh, your baby is so adorable”, and then Cat would have to awkwardly tell her that Emily was not hers. The woman would give Dan and Phil a confused expression, not needing any further explanation, and then she would return to her seat, giving Dan and Phil questioning looks from across the room.

This happens a lot if they go out with, say, Louise, Bryony, or any of their other female friends, so Dan and Phil are completely used to it. They knew the moment they decided to have Emily that they were going to get confused looks from people if they were out and about with their child, even though they think by now that people should have stopped judging them or whatever it is they’re doing when they’re staring at them with uncertainty.

And as things just seem to be going swell for Cat, she felt awkward, thinking she should have lied to the woman and thanked her for calling her “daughter” cute, but she doesn’t understand fully that this is a thing that Dan and Phil literally go through every single day of their lives.

Even when Dan and Phil first told her about their relationship back in, like, 2013 or whatever (Dan and Phil, back when they weren’t out to their audience, would often times wait a while before telling a friend that they were together, just to make sure they could trust the person to keep such a huge secret), Cat was the same way – if someone would ask when the three of them would go out for dinner after a convention or something if she and Dan or if she and Phil were dating if either Phil or Dan, respectively, were in the bathroom or something. Cat knew she wasn’t supposed to say “oh, no, Dan and Phil are dating”, but she’d still awkwardly say “no, we’re all out together just as friends”.

And when Dan and Phil were out, the same thing would happen, but Cat still wouldn’t say “oh, no, Dan and Phil are the ones who are dating - ” (even though they had been married at that point, but that’d just be a whole other issue if the waiter/waitress ended up being against gay marriage or whatever) “-not me and Dan/Phil”.

Afterwards, she’d feel bad and think she should’ve lied to make things less awkward for both them and the person asking, when in all reality, Dan and Phil don’t mind at all. They’re so used to this that it is just like second nature to them. Whenever they go out with friends, it’s always the most awkward thing, but they don’t care about it at all because they’ve been together for so long and have been through it so many times before.

Literally, things like this happen all the time, even when they weren’t out – people will think Dan and Phil are just friends going out together, so some waiters/waitresses or other people will think it’s okay to flirt with one of them. Whenever they’re out with friends, they’ll think Dan or Phil are dating other people and not each other. Whenever they’re with Emily, some people will assume only one of them is Emily’s father and the other person is a friend or a cousin or whatever.

They’ve been through this all so many times before that it really doesn’t matter, but to Cat, she feels really bad about it all.

“I’m really sorry,” Cat apologizes once Emily has calmed down and is back in her high chair, playing away with the toys Dan and Phil had luckily thought to bring so she could keep herself entertained.

Phil slowly turns his head and looks over at Dan, a normal expression on his face, but in his eyes, that look of worry is there.  Under the table, Dan reaches his hand over and holds Phil’s securely in it, their fingers intertwining.

“There’s no need for you to apologize, really,” Dan says to Cat, but also partially to Phil.

Cat shrugs her shoulders. “I just didn’t know if you wanted me to lie or something…sorry,” she says.

“Cat, you’re fine,” Dan replies, smiling at her. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We deal with this kind of stuff all the time. It’s still an odd thing for us to be…well,  _out_ , I guess you can say, and exposed.” He shrugs. “So you did absolutely nothing wrong.” He looks over at his husband. “Right, Phil?”

Phil nods his head and grins at their friend. “You’re fine, Cat,” he adds as Dan squeezes his hand comfortingly.

Cat closes her mouth and smiles. “Thanks,” she mumbles as she looks down into her mug of tea.

————————————-

That evening, they were going to have dinner back at the house, since they had already eaten out twice that day. So, after their afternoon tea and finishing strolling about London, they all went back to the house, talked and all that fun stuff for a bit while Emily took her afternoon nap, and they played with the dogs because Cat cannot get over just how adorable the shibes are.

Then, around eight at night, Phil headed into the kitchen to start making dinner while Cat, Dan, and Emily were in the living room. Dan and Cat were scrolling through social media, and Emily was on the floor with the dogs, doing what she always seems to be doing – playing.

Dan and Phil are unashamed to say that they have really been pushing the “intellectual” games, like the “putting the shaped peg into the right hole” game and similar things, and Emily does seem to be enjoying playing them, too, which helps a great deal as well.

Phil shouting Dan’s name interrupts Dan and Cat’s social media time, and the two put their phones down. Dan turns his head towards the door leading out of the living room. “Yeah?” he calls back.

“Can you come help me, please?”

“Yeah, one sec,” Dan replies, setting his phone down on the coffee table. He gets up and smiles at Cat. “I’ll be right back.”

Cat nods her head as Dan turns and leaves the room, calling Phil a hopeless dork as he does so. Cat shakes her head; even when they’re not trying to be, those two are literally the cutest couple on the face of the planet. It still surprises her that after being together for so long that the two still act like they’re first falling in love. They are certainly a lucky couple.

She sets her phone aside and looks down at the floor, where Meme-o and Buffy are lying lazily on the floor by the fireplace, Emily with her back facing them, her eyes focused on the toy in front of her.

Cat gets up from the couch and kneels down beside the dogs, rubbing Buffy with the pads of her fingers. The dog doesn’t move; she only relaxes into Cat’s hand. Cat then reaches over to Meme-o and scratches behind his ear at the same time, his eyes closing at the feelings.

This continues for a few brief moments before Cat realizes that Emily is looking at her. Cat’s first instinct is to pull away from the dogs, as perhaps she didn’t want her to touch them. So, Cat lifts her hands off the fur and places them in her lap, chewing on her bottom lip, feeling almost imitated by the six-month-old, as if she had just intruded on something she really shouldn’t have.

Emily continues to stare at Cat, and Cat isn’t entirely sure what Emily’s thinking right now, but for whatever reason, she doesn’t think she should move, otherwise Emily will attack (despite the baby’s inability to move without rolling over or the assistance of another human).

Cat clears her throat and smiles awkwardly. “Hi,” she says, not sure what else to do.

Luckily the little girl didn’t cry. Emily, instead of vocalizing a response in some way, turns back to the board she was playing on, her face now away from Cat. Cat furrows her eyebrows, thinking the little girl was just ignoring her now. So, she prepares to get up and return to the couch.

Instead, she is interrupted by Emily reaching over, a green star peg in her hands. She looks expectantly at Cat.

Cat, very confused, gets back down on her knees and points to herself. Emily doesn’t respond, as she probably doesn’t know what that means, so Cat reaches over and holds Emily’s hand over the peg.

“Do you want help?” she asks as she guides Emily’s hand over to the board. She helps her place it in the correct spot, the block sliding in perfectly into its destined spot. “You did it!”

“Ah!” Emily exclaims, smiling as she looks up at Cat briefly before turning back to the two other pegs that need to be placed in. She picks up a cylinder and holds it out to Cat.

So, Cat helps Emily finish her little board toy, putting all the pegs in the correct spots. Afterwards, Cat and Emily play with one of those animal sounds wheels, where Emily just enjoys listening to the animal sounds instead of trying to make them, though Cat soon realizes that Emily is only six months old and probably won’t be making animal noises for a while.

“Looks like Emily’s found a new best friend,” Dan’s voice sounds from the entrance to the living room. Cat turns around to see Dan and Phil standing together in the doorway, wide smiles on their faces, as they had just witnessed Cat playing with Emily.

Cat laughs. “I’m going to steal your child,” she says, reaching over and loosely hugging the baby, who is trying to work out how to spin the wheel on the animal sounds toy. “She’s mine forever.”

Phil shakes his head. “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t do that, considering…you know…she’s our baby.”

“Too late; we’ve already made plans. Haven’t we?”

“Ah!” Emily shrieks as she manages to push the wheel just a tiny bit, though it still lands on the cow, where it had been previously. Cat instantly turns her attention away from Dan and Phil to help Emily out.

Dan looks over at Phil, a smug look on his face. “I told you everything was going to work out,” he whispers.

Phil rolls his eyes and kisses the side of Dan’s face. “Okay, Mr. I’m-Always-Right,” he replies as he walks away from the doorway, heading back to the kitchen.

“Hey, that’s Mr. Lester to you!” Dan calls back.


	8. Month 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: swearing, sickness/illness/vomiting

“Ah!” Emily exclaims, lifting a toy block from the tower she had just knocked over a few moments ago up to Dan, who had just been getting ready to stand up and go to the laundry room to help Phil sort through the clothes, just as he had promised to do because he’s such a good husband.

Well, Phil’s probably not thinking that right now, as it has been around twenty minutes or so since he was supposed to be down there with him, but Emily keeps insisting on building a tower with her blocks, knock them over, and then start all over again.

“You wanna…you wanna do it again, baby?” Dan asks through gritted teeth, putting on the fakest smile he could muster. How many times would this be that he’s put together a block tower with Emily? Like, fifteen times? How many more times was she expecting to do this?

Well, she’s a baby, so she doesn’t understand the concept of her parents having things they need to do, and she thinks that her parents have all the time in the world for her.

Which, you know, Dan and Phil would  _love_  to have, but unfortunately, that’s not how the world works.

“Dah!” Emily says. She’s been trying harder and harder to say more words, so her little vocabulary is slowly but surely growing. She’s been trying to imitate her parents’ conversations when she hears them, but usually it just comes out as gibberish.

“I’d love to, Darling, but unfortunately, I have to go be an adult,” Dan says, picking Emily up, resting her feet on his knee so she’s standing up. She shifts her weight so it’s on her feet, and she drops the block she had been holding on the floor. Dan bounces her on his leg for a few brief moments, smiling as Emily laughs – it’s one of her favorite things to do lately.

Dan then sets her back down on the ground so her back is on the carpeted floor. The second he does so, Emily slowly rolls over so she’s laid on her stomach, which she has just recently perfected. Normally, a baby her age should be learning to crawl, but Emily only just learned how to roll over – as that week when she was sick last month didn’t really help her want to do anything – so it’ll be a while before she’ll start crawling.

Emily fully rolls onto her stomach and grabs the block she had dropped. She bangs it on the floor for a few seconds, and then looks up at Dan expectantly.

“I’m not building another tower, babe,” Dan says, shaking his head. “I have to go help Papa.”

Emily coos, as she definitely didn’t understand what Dan just said. She begins banging the block on the floor again.

Dan reaches down and takes the block out of her hands. Emily pouts, and Dan is tempted to hand it back to her and forget about doing laundry, but he remains firm in his ways and tries not to let her sadness get to him. “I’ll play afterwards, okay? We can build as many block towers as you want.”

He reaches over and grabs the cardboard box that the toy blocks go in. He begins to pile the blocks inside, Emily watching intently and curiously.

She’s a baby, so her mind isn’t fully developed and she doesn’t understand many things. One of those is “object permanence”. That might seem like a foreign term, but it’s something babies learn as their brains develop.

In laymen’s terms: Emily doesn’t yet understand that if an object is put away, it still exists. Meaning, when Emily sees an object put into a box or if Dan or Phil leave the room, because they aren’t in her sight, she thinks they’re no longer there and don’t exist.

So, as she is now seeing Dan put the blocks in the box, she now thinks that the blocks don’t exist anymore. Dan can expect her to start crying in a few minutes, so he calls the dogs over so they can comfort her and be with her while he’s finishing up doing the laundry.

Once all the blocks are in the box, he sits up Emily so she’s sitting against the couch. She looks upset, as he had expected, but the dogs are lying next to her and poking her with their noses and resting their paws on her lap, so he’s sure she’ll be fine.

He leaves the room and heads down to the basement, where Phil has already basically finished sorting through the washed clothes, which are mostly Emily’s onesies and other outfits.

“She was making me repetitively build a tower with those blocks your mum gave her, but she would just knock it down right afterwards and ask me to build it again,” Dan says as he starts folding up the last of the onesies while Phil fixes the stacks of the ones already folded.

“Well, you know what the doctor told us,” Phil replies. “She’s really going to like repetitive stuff this month.”

“I know, I know, but I literally built that tower with her, like, seven thousand times.”

“Literally seven thousand times?”

Dan laughs and shoves Phil’s shoulder, nearly pushing him onto the tiled floor. “Fuck off,” he says.

“Up-up-up! There’s some money for the swear jar!”

Dan pushes Phil again, the two of them chuckling. “Screw you.”

“I know how badly you want to, but Emily is still awake, and I don’t think the laundry room is necessarily the-“

Phil is interrupted by a freshly washed and neatly folded pastel green onesie being flung at his face.

A few minutes later, when they had finished their job and were bringing the clothes upstairs to put them away, they stepped into the parlor to see if Emily was doing okay, and they were surprised to see that the box of blocks had been knocked over and Emily was hitting them on the coffee table while the dogs had started chewing on them.

Emily looks proudly up at her dads. “Ah!” she exclaims, lifting her block.

Phil laughs. “Looks like she couldn’t wait for you!” he says, sticking his tongue out from between his teeth afterwards. He elbows Dan’s arm lightly.

Dan shakes his head. “I cannot make another one, Phil.”

Phil shrugs his shoulders before turning around and leaving the doorway. “She seems to think otherwise.”

————————————-

“Your birthday is coming up,” Phil says on an early Saturday morning (somehow they’re up before the sun fully rises, so they decided to take advantage of it), where they’re out walking the dogs with Emily in a stroller, her eyes closed as she sleeps away.

“It is?” Dan questions, furrowing his eyebrows, as he looks up at Phil, squinting his eyes from the sun.

“It’s June.”

“Already?”

Phil laughs and nods his head. “Yep, it’s already June, babe.”

“I swear yesterday it was your birthday,” Dan says, shaking his head in disbelief. “There’s no way it’s June already.”

Phil pulls his phone out from the back pocket of his jeans and turns on the screen, showing Dan the date below the time on his phone, the date reading 3 June. “Your birthday is a little over a week away, Dan,” he says.

Dan pouts. “Does that mean I have to talk to my family?” he asks, referring to his parents, aunts, uncles, and whoever else he doesn’t talk to on a regular basis.

Despite how much he enjoys celebrating other people’s birthdays, he really doesn’t like his birthday, because he’ll usually have the obligation of interacting with his own family, which isn’t always the easiest or most fun thing for him to do.

Dan’s never had the best of relationships with his family, minus his grandparents. His parents were constantly busy when he was growing up, so he mostly spent his time with his grandma and grandpa, who luckily lived nearby. His grandparents were the ones who most often went to his plays or recitals or anything else he did.

His parents only went to a couple of the many, many, many,  _many_  theatrical productions he did, and encouragement was something he never verbally received. He knew his parents cared about him and all that, but they weren’t very open about showing it to him. They just weren’t always  _there_  for him.

Then, of course, when Dan started talking to Phil, he kept it a secret because he knew for sure his parents weren’t going to approve of it at all.

He didn’t tell them until he and Phil decided they wanted to meet in person, and, as he expected, his parents were  _definitely_  not open about it. At the time, Dan was, as any teen would be in this situation, very pissed off, which definitely caused a lot of fights between him and his parents.

But Dan realizes now why they were so upset– Phil was four years older than him, lived four hours away, and he makes videos on the internet, which can sound wrong if worded that way. That didn’t exactly scream “safe” to his parents, but after a lot of begging and having a two-hour long Skype session with Phil, they agreed to let Dan visit him…reluctantly, of course.

Dan and Phil got together on that visit, as most people should know, but Dan kept it a secret for a while. His parents were the kind of people to use words like “gay” as an insult, and they also probably would have no clue what the term “bisexual” means – Dan could bet his parents only knew straight and gay and not any of the other sexual orientations that existed. If he tried to explain it to them, they definitely wouldn’t understand.

But they found out eventually, when Phil was visiting Wokingham for the first time. They were kind to Phil and all, but they just grew distant, as if they weren’t exactly sure how to react to it all. Dan admits it’s a big thing to find out, but from that moment on, they just became distant.

And they started fighting when Dan got fired from his job, they started fighting when his parents thought he was spending too much money to go see Phil all the time, and they started fighting when they found out Dan was posting videos of himself on YouTube.

That was one of the many reasons why Dan decided to go to Manchester for uni. Well, that and Phil was there. But he really also just wanted to get away from his family and all the drama he seemed to be causing. Perhaps if he was just far away, everything would be fine.

Well, they only grew more detached. They rarely spoke, and Dan only came to visit for the Christmas holidays, spending the rest of his time with Phil or in his dorms.

And of course when Dan decided to drop out of uni after his first year, his parents almost completely stopped talking to him. They were obviously upset that Dan had “given up” and was now relying on YouTube for money, but little did they know what things were bound to come for him and Phil.

Eventually they’ve gotten around to speaking to each other more often, but sometimes bringing up topics like YouTube or Phil just aren’t really the best things to do, so it’s almost like Dan has to put on a completely different persona when he’s around them.

Yes, they were there at the wedding, they helped out with Emily when she was born, and Dan, Phil, and Emily visited them at Christmas time. But Dan can honestly say that’s some of the most interaction he’s had with his family in a long time, and things weren’t always perfect. There was a lot of bickering, and a lot of times there’s moments of just complete silence between them. It’s hard, but it’s what Dan has had to deal with his entire life, and he’ll probably be living like this for the rest of his life.  

Dan’s extended family are pretty silent, too. He only ever sees them on birthdays or Christmas, but before they met Phil, they would always bombard him with questions like “when are you going to settle down with a nice girl” or “when are you going back to uni? You can’t rely on your fifteen minutes of fame forever” or other rude things.

And when they met Phil, they weren’t quite sure how to react, as Dan had never come out to them or told them about having a significant other. They all met him sometime around 2013 – four years after they started dating – at a Howell family gathering, They were all very confused, and Dan was sure they were all making disgusting comments and faces when he and Phil turned their backs to them.

It’s quite sad, but some of his aunts and uncles didn’t even bother to attend his and Phil’s wedding, and not even because it was too far of a drive or something – basically all of them live in Southern England, not too far from London, perhaps the farthest being a two-hour drive.

Phil reassured Dan and told him that it was okay and that the wedding would have been absolutely terrible if they had come, as they probably would’ve just scowled at them the entire time, but instead, all the people there seemed very happy and excited for them.

And if Dan’s being honest, he didn’t tell most of his extended family about Emily; he just basically told them via a Facebook post when she was born.

Adrian was chill throughout the whole ordeal, but when 2012 happened and fans found him and started messaging him constantly about Dan and Phil, they drifted apart as well. They took some time to heal and rekindled a year later. They still don’t talk that much, but they definitely do more than Dan does with their parents. Adrian and Phil are also close, too; they get along really well, and sometimes it almost seems like they’re more of brothers than Dan and Adrian are.

Dan’s grandparents are quite supportive as well. Dan was so sure they were going to disown him when he told them he was bisexual and dating a male – as the two are very traditional Christians – but they were proud of Dan for coming out to them, and they were so happy to see him with so much joy and love, which he only really started to display after being with Phil, as they had told him. They are also two of the only people in Dan’s family who even watch his content – Dan’s parents don’t even watch his videos on YouTube.

So, Dan’s family is a rough subject, and that’s one of the reasons why he hates his birthday, because he’ll probably have to interact with them, which isn’t the easiest thing to do.

While, on the other hand, he absolutely adores talking to Phil’s family – they’re all charming people and are nonjudgmental. Dan gets along with them well, and they’ve honestly become Dan’s one true family over the course of his relationship with Phil. They’re always so supportive and loving to him and Phil in everything they do, and Dan couldn’t ask for a better family.

But Dan knows that it’s always been the thing to go back to their respective parents’ homes on their birthdays, which makes Dan’s birthday just one of the most stressful times of the year – even more stressful than convention season or Christmas.

“I mean,” Phil says, slipping the phone back into his pocket, “that’s up to you.”

“But you’re my husband and you’re meant to give me advice,” Dan points out.

Phil sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to us spending another birthday alone and at home,” he explains. For Dan’s 26th birthday, Dan had managed to convince his parents to come up on a later day instead of on his actual birthday, claiming that he was seeing friends – which they did – but the day mostly consisted of him and Phil in their pyjamas and playing around a billion rounds of  _Mario Kart_  and eating their body weights in pancakes.

But, Dan didn’t manage to escape his parents coming up to celebrate – they ended up coming on the 13th or something like that for a day visit, which was awkward and not enjoyable, and Dan would have much rather preferred they didn’t come up at all, but they insisted they came to deliver his present and whatever.

“But I don’t know how your parents would feel about that,” Phil continues. “They might get offended, you know?”

Dan groans. “Can’t we just make up some excuse again?” he asks. “Is there something we can say that we’re doing so that we don’t have to go?”

Phil purses his lips for a few moments, considering. “Well, I mean, we could go with the ‘we just want to spend your birthday at home because of Emily’ excuse.”

“But they know we went to Manchester for your birthday when she was, like, three months old,” Dan points out. “They definitely wouldn’t believe that if we said we weren’t going because of Em. And I’d feel bad that we’re using our daughter as an excuse to get out of something.”

“Claim I have a migraine?”

“That’d be lying.”

“Maybe by some magical force I’ll wake up with a migraine?”

Dan rolls his eyes and laughs. “I don’t think that’s how things work, unfortunately,” he replies, following the dogs by the leash over to the side of the pavement, where they both wanted to sniff the dandelions growing there. Phil follows over.

“Well, we’ve still got a week to figure out what we’re going to do,  _and_  your parents haven’t called or anything, so we’ve got time.”

“True,” Dan says as he tugs on the leashes, trying to get the dogs to move away from the dandelions, because if he doesn’t, the dogs would stay there forever. He sighs, slumping his shoulders. “I just don’t want to have a stressful birthday.”

Phil smiles softly and squeezes Dan’s shoulder gently. “You’re going to have a great birthday; I promise.”

Dan sighs and relaxes his shoulders. “I hope you’re right.”

——————————-

“…so, we’re not really sure what we’re planning on doing, yeah, so…” Dan says absentmindedly into the speaker of his phone as he strolls through the aisles of the Tesco’s near his house, pushing the cart that has Emily in her baby carrier in it as he looks through the shelves before him.

It’s an evening after work, and Phil is unfortunately stuck in a meeting, so Dan decided to take a quick stop at Tesco’s to grab things to make a stir-fry while he’s gone, which would hopefully make Phil’s day just slightly better.

But, on the way to the shop, Dan’s mum randomly called, and to just make Dan’s day even more stressful than it had already been, she was asking about what he wanted to do on his birthday and what time he, Phil, and Emily were going to be down in Wokingham.

He and Phil hadn’t yet settled on an excuse for what to do about his birthday, so Dan just started rambling to his mum about how they hadn’t planned what they wanted to do on his birthday, but that they were planning on staying in London on the actual day.

“I thought you three were coming down here?” his mum questions, and Dan can bet she’s furrowing her eyebrows and one of her hands is on her hips as she roams around her living room.

Dan bites his bottom lip and looks down at Emily, who is busy playing on a toy phone. She has recently loved taking either Dan or Phil’s phones or their keys, so what Dan and Phil decided to do to stop that was get her little toy versions. She gets bored of the quite easily, but if Dan and/or Phil are using the real thing, it can distract her if she has a baby version.

He feels a little bad; he thinks that perhaps he should go down there, considering Emily has only seen Dan’s mum two times at this point. Dan doesn’t visit his parents as often as Phil does (despite Dan being closer to his compared to Kathryn and Nigel), and his parents don’t come up and see them a lot, either. They only visited once right after Emily was born, and then the next time they saw them, it was Christmas. Since then, there haven’t been any visits.

He feels bad because Emily doesn’t know his side of the family that well. Emily is quite accustomed to Phil’s side, but she’s only met Dan’s parents, brother, and grandparents. She hasn’t met anyone else, and maybe this would be a time for her to do so?

But with how rude and judgmental Dan’s family is, he isn’t entirely sure of that idea. Sure, to Emily’s face they’d treat her kindly. But behind her back, they’ll talk about how odd it is that she’s a daughter of two “gay men” (in which Dan would roll his eyes without them knowing and say the word “bisexual” in between coughs) and how it’s “not good for her to be raised this way”, “she needs to have a true mother”, “she’ll turn into a gay just like those two”, et cetera.

All those mean comments would just make Dan not want to see his family even more, but he knows that they’re bound to happen. He knows his family despite not keeping in close contact with them.

“Um…we weren’t sure, like I said,” Dan says as he pushes the cart along, trying not to get in the way of the other people around him. “We didn’t know if friends wanted to go out for dinner with us or if some friends were going to come over or not.”

“It’s not that long of a trip; you three could just come down for a couple of hours, talk with the family, and then go back and hang out with your friends,” his mum suggests. “That way you can have all your festivities in one day.”

Dan sighs; she doesn’t understand that what he really wanted was to just spend the day with his little family, probably doing absolutely nothing and not really spending too much time socializing until the evening, when he, Phil, and probably a couple of their close friends like Bryony, Wirrow, and Louise would go out for dinner and a few drinks while Emily gets watched by a neighbor. And then they’d come home and cuddle together as a family again. That sounds like the ideal birthday to him, really. Nothing stressful.

But what Dan’s mum is wanting it to be is just the opposite.

“I feel like that’d be too much,” he explains. “Like…I’m sure Emily would get worn out quite easily, as would me and Phil…I feel like doing it all in one day would be bad.”

“Postpone your friends’ dinner? You said you hadn’t planned it yet, correct?”

_Damn it_ , Dan thinks to himself as he reaches over to a shelf and grabs the bag of rice he and Phil always get, but suddenly, it just doesn’t sound good anymore. He sets it down and goes back over to Emily and the cart, pushing it out of this aisle.

“Yeah, but…I don’t know. I’m not exactly sure what I want to do,” Dan explains.

“Daniel, your birthday is only a few days away; we can’t put it off until the night before, you know.”

Dan resists the urge to roll his eyes. “I understand, Mum, and we’re working on it; I promise.” Without warning, as he turns out of the aisle, he hears a gasp from in front of him, and Dan spots a teenage girl wearing one of Dan and Phil’s old merch shirts – the purple“classic” Dan and Phil shirt – looking at him with wide eyes. “Um, Mum, I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

Without waiting for a response, Dan ends the call, and right as he places it into his pocket, the girl rushes up and smiles at him.

“You’re Dan Howell,” she says, as if he didn’t already know what his name was. She sniffles, and Dan thinks it’s because she’s going to start crying or something.

“I am, indeed,” Dan responds, laughing. “What’s your name?”

“Beth,” she replies. “I’m a huge fan of you and Phil. You two are…well,  _amazing_ , and oh my God, I’m so sorry that I’m tearing up.” She wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand.

Dan shakes his head and gives her a genuine grin. “It’s all okay,” he says, giving her a quick hug. “Do you want a picture?”

When he pulls away from her, he adjusts the shopping cart so Emily is facing away from the girl. Even though Emily is in some of their videos and has practically taken over their Instagrams and Twitters, they don’t really like her being in pictures with fans.

The thought of that never settled right with them, so they had posted on Twitter a couple months back that said  _yes,_ if you see them out in public, you can come up to them (if it looks like they’re not busy) and say hi and ask for a picture and a hug and whatever, but don’t interact with Emily (mostly because they’re strangers and strangers still freak her out) and don’t take a picture with her. Dan and/or Phil will not allow her to be in any pictures with them, and they won’t allow her to be in any individual selfies or whatever with the fan(s).

They’d had a few issues with that before, where fans would ask to see Emily if she was with them, but Dan and Phil would always decline. Once they put that message out to their fans, though, they respected their wishes and have stopped asking to see their daughter. It just made it a lot more comfortable for the new parents.

Beth nods her head rapidly as he takes out her phone, unlocks it, and hands it to Dan. Dan takes it and opens up the camera and gets close to her. He takes a few pictures, and then hands the phone back to her.

“Oh my God, can I give you another hug?” Beth asks, putting the phone back.

Dan laughs and hugs her again briefly. “It was nice meeting you,” he says, patting her back as he pulls away.

“It was nice meeting  _you_!” Beth exclaims. “Sorry for interrupting you.”

Dan shakes his head. “It’s no problem,” he replies as he takes a hold of his cart once again, slowly beginning to walk away.

“Thank you so much,” she says. She turns around and goes towards whom Dan assumes is her mum and dad.

“Nice shirt, by the way!” Dan calls before steering the cart towards an aisle Dan had already been down. He hears a gasp and a few coughs. Dan tries not to think too hard about it as he puts back the things that had been in his cart.

“I think we’re going to be lazy and just have pizza tonight, Em,” Dan says. “I don’t feel like cooking.”

“Gah!” Emily exclaims.

“You’re still getting your baby food; you don’t get pizza ‘till your older. You’re still stuck with your pureed vegetables or whatever and your formula.”

“Ah!”

“You have  _way_  more enthusiasm than I have ever had in my entire life.”  

As he pulls out of the aisle, he spots Beth over by her parents in the same spot she had been when he turned down the aisle. She’s excitedly showing her parents the pictures of them, bouncing on the tips of her toes. He smiles as he heads to put the cart away, but he overhears Beth say something happily to her parents.

“It’s a good thing I think my cold is over!”

—————————————————

A few days later, the day before Dan’s birthday, he felt like absolute shit. Literally. He had the worst headache in the world, he felt absolutely drained, and his stomach ached terribly. He was so tempted to stay home from work and sleep the day away, but he figured that perhaps it was because of the stress of planning what he was doing for his birthday and that it would go away later on in the day.

He and Phil had reluctantly made plans to head to Wokingham for Dan’s birthday; they would spend the full day there and head back up to London that evening, and they would see their friends on the weekend to celebrate with them.

So, Dan figured “oh, it’s just me not wanting to actually celebrate my birthday; maybe my body is just trying to make me sick so I can’t go tomorrow”, so he thought nothing of it. Maybe when he went to work and kept himself busy, it would go away.

Except it didn’t. When he got to work, it almost got  _worse_. As he stared at his computer screen, his eyes got heavy and his headache seemed to just increase in intensity the longer he just sat there. Every few minutes, he would have to rest his head on the desk with his arms covering his ears so any noises and bright lights don’t make it worse.

It wasn’t a migraine; he doesn’t get those like Phil does. Phil gets really bad migraines at least, like, once every one or two months that are really bad where he literally can’t move from his bed. Dan’s headache wasn’t that bad; it was just a horrible headache and stomachache and Dan was just hating his life.

Phil convinced him to go home and rest, even though Dan felt bad because they were taking tomorrow off for his birthday. But Phil reminded him that Dan was literally getting no work done because he was feeling so ill and gross.

So, once Dan agreed, he drove him home during their lunchbreak, where Dan just rested at home while Phil returned to work. All he did was try to sleep and rest as much as he could, hoping that it would help him feel better. If he slept it off, perhaps he’d be okay by tomorrow.

He didn’t get out of the bed the rest of the day until in the middle of the night, when Phil was fast asleep beside him and Emily was asleep in her crib in the nursery. Dan had been sat up in bed because his stomach really started hurting while he had been sleeping, and it was so bad that it woke him up.

He was now distracting himself by going on Tumblr, liking all the early birthday messages and artwork from their followers and seeing all the lovely posts from people, which were all so lovely to see, but it didn’t always work with him trying to feel well.

After around fifteen minutes, he felt his stomach lurch uncomfortably, and he instantly knew what was going to happen. With some strength he didn’t even know he had, he jumped out of the bed and rushed out of the room, going straight to the bathroom on the other side of the hall. Without even turning the light on, he finds his way to the toilet and sits in front of it, breathing heavily as he tries to calm himself down so he doesn’t throw up.

He coughs a few times, closing his eyes tightly. He breathes heavily a few times afterwards before he ducks his head into the toilet. He coughs harshly before he fully throws up.

Only a few seconds later, as he’s finishing, Phil comes into the dark room and kneels down beside Dan without a word, not even turning on the light because he knows it’s going to bother Dan. He runs his hand up and down Dan’s spine, waiting patiently for him to finish.

When Dan does pull away, tears are streaming down his now pale face. His throat and stomach hurt, as if they’re both tied in knots that will take forever to untie. If he felt comfortable enough, all he would do would be crawl into a ball in the center of his bed and just lie there forever.

“Do you think you’re going to do it again?” Phil asks in a calm voice a few moments later.

Dan ponders for a few moments, but he’s not really too sure of an answer. His stomach still hurts, but it could just be because he just threw up, or it could also be because it might happen again. So, as to not freak out Phil more than he probably already is (despite his tranquil demeanor), he shakes his head.

“Okay,” Phil says, getting up from his spot. He steps over to the sink and grabs a hand towel and runs it under cold water. Then, he fills up a little paper cup with cold water as well. He takes these and goes back over to Dan, handing him the cup. “Swish it around your mouth, yeah?”

Dan, with a shaky hand, takes the cup and does as Phil asks him to, spitting the water out into the toilet, Phil reaching over him to flush it. Then, Phil takes the wet rag and runs it over Dan’s sweaty forehead, being cautious to not rub too hard to disrupt him even more. Dan sniffles and lifts a hand to his eyes, wiping away the tears that he wasn’t allowing to fall.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Phil says to him, nuzzling his nose against the side of Dan’s face. “You’re okay. You’re fine.”

Dan coughs and closes his eyes tightly. “’m sorry,” he says, his voice rough and quieter than usual. His throat really burned and it hurt to talk, but he’s sure if he tried to sip water at the moment, it would only come straight back up, unfortunately.

“Don’t apologize; you’ve done nothing wrong,” Phil replies. “You still feel like you’re not going to throw up?”

“I dunno,” Dan replies.

“Do you wanna take a bath? It’ll help calm you down,” Phil suggests, gesturing to the bathtub that is just a few feet away. “Would that help at all?”

Dan nods his head, mostly because if he says he wants to go lie down in bed, he’s going to feel the need to throw up again or something. So, Phil runs the bath for him and undresses him once the bath is ready. Dan sits in there by himself with his head laid back on the wall, trying hard not to focus on him feeling ill. Phil left him alone in the bath, letting him stay in there for as long as he needed to.

When Dan was done, Phil came back in and dried off Dan and gave him fresh pyjamas to wear. Dan attempted to take paracetamol, thinking he was going to be able to keep it down, but he had to spit it out otherwise he was surely going to throw up.

So, they just returned to bed, where it took Dan a long while before he was able to fall asleep due to his illness and just being shaken up from the little accident. But, Phil stayed up with him, not falling asleep until after Dan did.

————————————————

When Dan woke up the next morning, on his birthday, he still felt quite ill and lightheaded – his stomach was sore, his throat still hurt, and his headache was better but still there. He was able to swallow water, but taking medicine or eating was a no-go. And he  _definitely_  wasn’t leaving the bed unless it was an emergency.

“Looks like we’re not heading down to your parents’ house today,” Phil says as he walks into the bedroom, seeing Dan sitting up in bed, Emily seated across from him. Dan is building a block tower on top of a hardback book, and Emily is watching intently as he does so, meaning she’s probably thinking of a way to knock it down.

Phil had just gotten off the phone with Dan’s parents, telling them that they wouldn’t be going down to Wokingham because Dan got sick. It almost seemed as if Dan’s parents didn’t really believe the excuse, despite it being real, but they agreed with it and made plans to meet up sometime later, once Dan got better.

Dan, who looks completely and utterly tired, looks up at Phil with a small smile. “I might be on the verge of death because of how sick I feel, but I’m not complaining whatsoever about the circumstance.”

Phil laughs as he walks over to Dan’s side, placing his arm around his husband’s shoulders. “I mean, you are going to have to go to the doctor tomorrow if you’re not feeling better.”

Dan shrugs his shoulders. “Another excuse to not see my parents?”

Phil chuckles and kisses the top of Dan’s curly hair. “Of course,” he says.

“Maybe I should thank the sick viewer on Twitter for hugging me and getting me sick,” Dan says, placing the final block on the top of the tower. “She really helped me out with this whole situation.”

“You do that,” Phil replies right as Emily knocks down all the blocks, squealing with delight. The two shake their heads and look up at each other happily.

“If I didn’t feel as sick as I do, I would kiss you right now,” Dan says, clearing his throat afterwards.

Phil shakes his head. “Such a romantic,” he replies. Dan smirks, and Phil can’t help but kiss his forehead, rubbing a hand up and down his back. “Happy birthday, Bear.”


	9. Month 9

Sometimes when Dan and Phil are filming a gaming video, they’ll let Emily sit in the office while they’re doing it. If she’s having a particularly good day and will stay semi-quiet (not loud enough to pick up on camera), Dan and Phil allow her to sit in off-camera but still within their eyesight, where she’ll play and roll around or scoot around to entertain herself while Dan and Phil attempt to entertain their audience.

She’s starting to understand basic commands from her parents fairly well. She knows what “give Papa/Daddy the toy” means, what “Em, sit down” means, and she knows what “no” is, but she doesn’t always do as she is told with that one.

Currently, Dan and Phil are playing a game for their channel, the camera set up in front of them on the desk, recording their commentary and banter that always seems to bring out a great deal of innuendos and a strange look into what they think about things.

Emily is sat right beside their desk, laid on a blanket as she rolls around with her favorite toy, her stuffed animal rabbit that Kathryn had gotten her from the gift shop in the hospital right after she was born. Before a few days ago, she had never really had a favorite toy – she’d honestly play with anything Dan and Phil put in front of her, finding some way to make it entertaining to her, even if what she ended up doing with it wasn’t the way she is supposed to play with it (i.e. throwing it…and sometimes breaking it).

But now, she can’t go anywhere without her stuffed bunny at her side. Dan remembers failing to tell that to Louise one time when they were going out on a date and were leaving Emily in her care for the night. They had brought the bunny with them, yes, but they had forgotten to tell her that Emily can’t go to sleep without it.

So, in the middle of their meal around the time that they put Emily down to sleep, they got a frantic phone call from Louise, who was asking what she was supposed to do because Emily was crying hysterically every time she was taken out of the living room, and that’s when they realized that they had forgotten to tell her this new very important piece of information.

All the other toys have been put aside at the moment, and Emily now nine times out of ten will play with her bunny and not anything else. Dan and Phil bet that in a few days she’ll switch it up to something different.

So, she’s been pretty quiet all day, mostly because the way she plays with the stuffed animal is by putting it in her mouth (don’t worry – Dan and Phil wash it every day…as in they sneakily take it away from her when she’s sleeping and wash it, then put it back before she wakes up; one time Phil messed up and forgot to put it back, and things were disastrous), so Dan and Phil allowed her to be in the room with them while they played their game for a new video.

They had around twenty minutes of footage to work with at this point (well, more like eighteen because there were some really long Heart-Eyes Howell/Love-Eyes Lester moments that needed to be cut down, despite how much their viewers would want to see the entirety of it), so they were going to keep filming for a little bit longer, and then one of them would edit the video tomorrow, hopefully to be able to put it up the following day.

However, twenty minutes is a long time for a baby with a slightly short attention span and doesn’t always want to stay put for too long. Dan and Phil have learned that she likes to go from room to room or from place to place after certain amounts of time because sometimes she gets very bored and needs something new to do.

So, Emily is starting to get bored being in the office, but she knows that if her parents lay down a blanket for her to sit on and they’re off doing something without her, that she is meant to sit there and remain there until they take her to another room.

But Emily is quite bored of just sitting there and playing, and she’d much rather be downstairs watching the tele or having one of them read her a book, so what she decides to do is start talking to get her parents’ attentions.

“Ah!” she exclaims, lying herself down on the blanket, one side of her face pressed up against the floor. It’s almost as if she’s hoping her adorableness will distract her parents from doing what they’re meant to be doing.

Instead, neither of them turn their heads towards her. “Please be quiet, Em, yeah?” Dan requests, afterwards mumbling “edit that out” under his breath, then returning to his louder, “video” voice as he tries to explain to Phil what they’re meant to properly do in the game they’re playing.

Emily frowns and sits up from the floor. She grabs her rabbit plushie and hits it against the floor just to make some kind of noise.

“No, Em, don’t do that,” Phil says without taking his eyes off the computer.

Emily shrieks and makes a few more baby noises, going back and forth from lying on the floor to sitting up. “Ah!”

“Ah,” Dan repeats, finally looking over at her.

“Dah!” she replies. She’s gotten fairly close to saying words like “dada” or “papa”, but they know at this point that it’s all still just baby babbling, and none of it really makes sense or is something that Emily can comprehend. She won’t actually start talking properly for a while, but her vocalizing and random noises are helping her out a great bunch with progressing it all.

“Dah,” Dan says, smiling his dimply smile as he stares down at her. Phil grins fondly at this whole interaction and makes a point to turn the camera so both Dan and Emily are now the only ones in the frame, the little girl not in full focus but still able to be seen.

“Aaaah!” Emily exclaims, shaking her head.

“Aaaah,” Dan repeats, doing a similar motion.

“Gaah!”

“Gaah!”

“Bah!”

“Bah!”

It continued on like that for a bit before Dan and Phil took Emily down to the living room, where they let her play with the dogs while they finished up recording their video. However, only five minutes into continuing, Emily continued to shriek downstairs because the dogs were tickling her with their fur and because they were licking her. They ended up having to halt recording until it was time for Emily’s hour long nap in the afternoon.

When it came time to editing the video, however, they didn’t cut any of that part out of the final video, though; they knew the fans would enjoy it and gush about it for weeks to come. Sometimes they can be nice people to their fans.

—————————–

It happened when they least expected it.

It had been just a normal rainy day in dreary London, England, nothing really interesting going on. Dan was upstairs in the office doing something for work while Phil was in the living room, answering emails, the dogs laying right beside him as he types away on his laptop. Emily was down on the floor, playing with some toys and babbling to herself.  

Phil wasn’t really paying much attention to things going on around them; he was just looking through the messages sent to him and Phil, his glasses falling slowly down his nose and his back curved in what should be an uncomfortable way into the back of the couch.

He knew Emily was just keeping herself busy on the floor and was fine right where she was, and she hadn’t seemed to be getting bored yet. She had just taken her nap and was wide awake, having a lot more energy than both Dan and Phil combined.

But they weren’t expecting anything interesting to happen; they just thought they would spend these next few hours working and finishing up important things, and then they’d make dinner later tonight and finish up that show they haven’t had time to finish, and then perhaps just have some cuddling time as a whole family and whatever. It was just a normal day, nothing quite special happening going on.

Phil would look up over the top of his computer screen every few seconds to check and see what Emily was doing, making sure she wasn’t getting into trouble or doing something she wasn’t supposed to do. Nothing really bad was happening; maybe she’d be eyeing Phil’s phone, which was on the coffee table, but she was unable to actually grab it.

She’s still continuing to be very interested in Dan and Phil’s things, constantly taking their phones or keys whenever they’re not looking. They’ll let her have them for a bit, since the toy versions of those things don’t work, but it’s very tough to get it back from her afterwards. They don’t choose to hide them like most parents, however; that’d only make her want them more if she did ever see them.

She also has been loving throwing things, since she has now realized she has the ability to do that. She’s always been quite fascinated with her ability to drop things, but the second she realized she could throw an object, she’s been doing that more and more lately. As stated earlier, Emily knows what the word “no” means, which she hears a lot when she’s throwing things, but she doesn’t always pay attention to it.

But, instead of causing any kind of ruckus or whatever, she was just busying herself by sifting through the box of toys Phil had set out for her. She was just picking things out, looking at it for a few brief moments, and then setting it back where she had taken it from. While she does seem to have a fascination with throwing things (which causes a mess), she loves “organizing” her toy boxes for fun. She likes to just move around everything in it and put the things in some random order that seems to make sense to her.

And that’s just what she was doing; just sitting there, going through the box, pulling out a toy, looking at it, and then putting it back. And that’s all Phil expected her to keep doing for the next probably half hour or so.

After a few minutes of not looking up at Emily, Phil glances up and over to the box of toys, only to see it abandoned, but each toy was still neatly put away. Phil thought perhaps she rolled over somewhere else to play with something new.

He heard Emily cooing over by the armchair. He looks over, confused, since she hadn’t been over there previously. When he looks up at her, he’s surprised to see that Emily is on all fours, moving slowly towards one of the bookshelves, unsteady arms moving towards it.

Phil takes a few seconds to process what was going on, not fully realizing until moments later that  _oh my God_ , Emily was crawling.

She was crawling. There she was: crawling slowly and slightly unsteadily, but she was doing it.

They always knew she was going to be doing it soon, but they honestly did not think it was going to be happening  _now_. They didn’t know when they were expecting it to happen, but they definitely didn’t think at this moment. They hadn’t thought she was quite ready for it yet.

Well, they’re obviously wrong, considering she’s doing it right now.

Phil set his laptop aside, almost putting it on top of Meme-o’s head in shock. He grabs his phone from the coffee table in front of him and pulls up the camera and prepares to film it. Before he hits record, he calls Dan’s name excitedly and asks him to come down to the living room.

Only a few seconds later, when Phil has started recording Emily crawling on the floor, the sound of Dan bounding down the stairs. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?” he asks, sounding completely concerned and scared.

“It’s nothing wrong, don’t worry, just look!” Phil replies happily, walking over closer to Emily, who nearly fell down. “She’s crawling, Dan!”

Dan steps next to him and looks down at Emily, a gasp of shock and excitement escaping from his lips. Right as he does so, Emily unfortunately falls down onto her stomach onto the wooden floor. Dan leans down and picks her up, holding her in his arms, smiling proudly at her. “Baby, you were crawling!” he exclaims. “You just crawled for the first time!”

Phil stops recording and presses a kiss to the side of Emily’s head. “You did so good, Em! You were doing it!”

“This is huge,” Dan says to Phil, his eyes widening as he bounces Emily in his arms. “She’s not just going to be sitting in one spot or rely on rolling over to move somewhere!”

“And crawling is the first step to walking,” Phil replies, nodding his head. “She’s growing up so fast.” He runs over the top of her head.

“And I can’t believe you managed to record it; no one ever is able to do that,” Dan says, laughing. “I thought we were always going to have the worst luck with that.”

Phil nods his head as he goes to the photos app, seeing that he successfully managed to record around thirty seconds of Emily crawling for the first time. “I think I’m gonna post it,” Phil announces.  

Dan furrows his eyebrows. “No, I wanna post it,” he says, reaching forward for Phil’s phone.

“Why do you get to post it? I was the one who took the video and saw her doing it first,” Phil points out, already heading to his Twitter app to post it, while also trying to think of some funny caption to go with it.

“Yeah, because you were  _with_  her.”

“That doesn’t make a difference!” Phil exclaims, walking away and into the hallway. Dan is quick to follow, however, and he is persistent. “I’m posting it!”

“No, you’re not! Stop! Phil, marriage is about compromise!”

Phil was the one who ended up posting it, much to Dan’s dismay.

——————————————

When Emily hit six months old, they didn’t have to go to the doctor for her every month like they had been doing since she was born. It was nice to not have to go there what felt like all the time, even though the appointments were extremely helpful because it let Dan and Phil know they were on the right track with Emily and were doing things right and that she was progressing just as she should. Even then, the doctor or Kathryn were always a phone call away if they were concerned about something, but they realized that learning things on their own was essential, since they can’t always rely on someone else.

But, yeah, sometimes that little extra help from their doctor is helpful.

“She hasn’t gotten sick since that one incident a few months back, right?” the doctor questions as he checks Emily’s eyes with that light device. Emily is seated on Dan’s lap with her bunny stuffed animal in her hands and Phil right next to her. This is Emily’s first doctor’s visit since she was almost six months old, so she doesn’t remember this place too-too well, but it seems familiar to her probably.

“Right,” Dan and Phil say simultaneously.

“She’s a lucky one; normally kids get sick around two or three times by now,” the doctor replies, pulling the light away from Emily’s eyes. She blinks rapidly to help adjust her eyes back to the normal lighting of the room.

“Really?” Dan asks, sounding surprised. He looks at Phil, who shrugs his shoulders. “Wow, I wish I had her immune system.”

The doctor chuckles as he sits back in his seat, typing a couple things into his laptop on the desk in front of him. “She must have a pretty good daycare, too. Very clean, probably.”

“Oh, she doesn’t go to daycare,” Phil corrects as Dan takes Emily and stands her up on his leg. She giggles and starts attempting to bounce as Dan holds her up with his hands, making sure she doesn’t fall off. “She goes to my brother’s house when we’re at work.”

“You haven’t started her up at daycare?” the doctor asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Were we supposed to?”

“Nine months is usually the marker for starting it up,” the doctor explains, turning away from his laptop and crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s so she can gain some more social skills and meet other kids, you know? It’s helpful for her to start learning how to interact with other children, and considering she’s your only child, she hasn’t been getting that much.”

Dan and Phil look over at each other, not sure what to think of this new piece of information they’ve just been given. Have they been neglecting to help her with such an important life skill? Sure, Dan and Phil are antisocial and don’t ever leave the house, but they shouldn’t force that upon their child.

“And it’ll also help her get exposed to germs,” the doctor continues.

Phil furrows his eyebrows. “We  _want_  her to get exposed to that?” he asks.

He nods his head. “Helps build up the immune system, believe it or not,” he explains. “Getting exposed to germs and bacteria helps the development of a healthy immune system, despite how contradictory that sounds. Daycare is a great place to get her exposed to that.”

Dan feels a pain in his chest, and he moves closer to Phil, who places a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing it firmly. Dan sets Emily back down in his lap and wraps his arms tightly around her, pressing his nose into her ginger hair.

“So, what I would recommend for you two is to find a daycare that you think would work best for Emily as soon as possible. That way she can start gaining more interaction with children her age, and you can take a load off of your brother,” the doctor suggests. “She won’t start regular nursery, as you know, until she’s around three or four years old, and then of course after that, she’ll start primary school.”

Now Dan just feels really bad. Have they really been asking too much of Martyn and Cornelia to look over Emily while they’re at work? Was that something they shouldn’t have been doing? What should they have done instead? Should they have started right when they wanted to go to work again so she could get an early start?

They thought they had everything figured out at this point, but as it turns out, there’s so much they just don’t know. Being parents to a newborn baby isn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world. There are so many things they don’t quite understand, and there’s a lot they still need to learn on this journey.

As the doctor concludes the appointment by explaining a few more things and checking over Emily once more, Dan and Phil don’t necessarily pay attention. Dan is paying more attention to the thoughts on his mind, and Phil is keeping his eyes on Dan, looking over him.

Dan looks up at Phil, and his husband smiles at him and mouths “it’ll all be fine”. Dan feels a slight relief in his chest, but the pressure is still there.

While there isn’t a lot they have figured out yet, and there’s so much they haven’t quite learned yet, at least they’re doing it together.

——————————————

As directed by the doctor, as soon as they returned home from the appointment, they set out to look for a daycare near them that would be work for Emily. They had planned on doing some work things when they returned home, but they put it aside because their doctor made them believe that this was an urgent issue that needed to be addressed as soon as possible otherwise Emily couldn’t be “saved” or whatever. That’s just Dan’s overly anxious side coming out.  

They searched and searched for a few hours, researching daycares in the London area, preferably near either their home or BBC, that way if something went wrong, they would be right there (this was by Dan’s request, and Phil obviously agreed).

They ended up choosing one that Louise had recommended, as it was the one she had Darcy go to for a short while. It was small and was run in a quaint little neighborhood near where Dan and Phil lived, which helped ease a lot of their stress about that.  

Dan and Phil had a lengthy phone conversation with the owner, who answered each of their questions kindly and in a way that made them feel safe about sending Emily there. She didn’t pay too much for Emily being there for four-to-five days a week from nine until four, so that was nice (not that they really cared about how much it was; all they really cared about was Emily’s safety, and if they had to, they would pay the most outrageous price for her), and there were currently six children attending, two of them close to Emily’s age, one was younger, and the other three were past the age of one, so that would surely help with the social things.

And within a few days, Dan and Phil were driving their little daughter to the daycare instead of sending her to Martyn and Cornelia’s house in the mornings before they headed to work. It was weird, knowing Emily was going to be somewhere completely different while they were at work.

They weren’t going to get the text updates anymore; they were only going to get a phone call in case of an emergency or an accident, which was going to be quite weird. The photos app on their phones were filled with literally hundreds of pictures and videos of Emily being her adorable self, and they’re not going to get sent those anymore.

And, Emily was going to be interacting with children that Dan and Phil don’t know; that was also very strange. She was going to be playing with toys that weren’t hers. Dan and Phil weren’t going to be the ones to control what she ate during the day based on what they packed in a baby bag. They don’t even bring a baby bag to the daycare – this woman running it and is going to be watching over Emily takes care of it all.

It’s going to take a lot of getting used to.

“I hope she’ll be okay,” Dan says to Phil. It’s a Monday morning, the day of Emily’s first time at daycare. They’re on their way to the daycare, Phil driving because Dan is too nervous to do it himself, despite him being the better driver of the two (though Phil has certainly improved since they got the car right after they got married).

“I do, too,” Phil replies, instead of his normal “oh, it’ll be fine”. He’s not even bothering to hide his anxieties about leaving Emily at daycare. “I don’t know if she’ll like it or not.”

“Well, we all know how she gets around new people,” Dan says, leaning his head against the window. “She screams bloody murder.”

Phil nods his head as he turns the car down the street the daycare is located on. “It’s probably going to take her a while to get used to it all,” he says. “She really liked going to Martyn’s, and she always seemed so happy over there, but she’s been around Martyn since she was born, so that helped. This’ll just be…new.”  He reaches over and places his hand on Dan’s thigh, but he doesn’t say anything more.

“I’m nervous,” Dan says, shaking his head as he places his hand over Phil’s. “This is more terrifying than any horror film I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Phil pulls the car into the driveway of the daycare center. One other car parked on the street is leaving, so they can guess that at least one of the children is already here. Phil puts the car into park and gets out of the car rapidly, wanting to get this all done and over with, while Dan takes his time.

Phil pulls Emily out of her car seat. The little girl insisted on taking her bunny plushie with her, so she’s holding tightly to it as she looks around at these unfamiliar surroundings. The expression on her face is unreadable, so Dan and Phil can’t exactly tell if she’s nervous or happy or whatever, so that doesn’t exactly help them out, either.

They take her inside the small house, the lady who runs it standing there to greet them. They share a short conversation, Dan nervously looking around the room, seeing toys and colorful pictures basically everywhere. One of the two-year-olds is there, walking around and picking out toys to begin playing with, and the other kids would be arriving within a short amount of time. Emily has her eyes set on a little toy chest in the room by the tele, so once they’re done talking to the lady, and once Dan and Phil have said their proper goodbyes by pressing a billion kisses to her face and hugging her relentlessly, the lady takes Emily out of Phil’s arms and brings her over there.

Dan and Phil stand there for a few brief moments, just watching Emily get set down on the floor by the chest. Without a look back at Dan and Phil or some kind of salutation, the little girl crawls over to the chest and opens it up, beginning to sort through the toys, already showing interest in wanting to organize it in some way.  

“She looked completely calm,” Dan says as they’re driving off to work. The look on his face is one of disbelief. He had honestly been thinking that Emily was going to freak out, since she always used to burst into tears whenever she was around new people, but instead, she was completely fine. She must’ve grown out of that phase of not wanting to be around strangers.

“She didn’t even look back at us when we left,” Phil comments, shaking his head. “She’s turning into such a brave little girl.”

Dan pouts. “I want her to want to be with us all the time. I felt my pride just crumble into a billion pieces in that moment.”

“Same.”

Dan sighs. “She’s really growing up.”

“She really is…are you crying?”

“Shut up.”


	10. Month 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: minor injuries

“Say ‘papa’ for me, baby? You wanna say ‘papa’?”

“Pa!”

“Good, good! Now say it twice in a row, yeah? ‘Pa’ sounds too old to me, and I’d rather not be reminded of how old I’m getting.”

“Ah!”

“You’ve forgotten a consonant, Em; wanna try it again?”

Instead of doing as she was asked to do, she only climbs out of Phil’s lap and over to the opposite end of the couch, seemingly uninterested.

Phil frowns and crosses his arms over the top of his chest. “I thought you loved me, Em; I’m hurt knowing that you’ve abandoned me,” he pouts.

Emily looks completely bored in whatever her papa has to say, so she climbs off the couch and goes to the floor, lying there for a brief period of time before crawling away to play with Buffy, who is laid in front of the tele, a squeaky toy in her mouth.

“I helped create you, I feed you, I clothe you, I provide a roof over your head, I keep you entertained…the least you could do is love me,” Phil says. He pauses for a few moments. “And, you know, say ‘papa’. Just once, please. Then I’ll stop. And maybe I’ll give you one of those snacks you really like that are kind of expensive. Please.”

Dan’s laugh sounds from the entrance to the living room. Phil turns around to see him walking in with his laptop in his hands. “Babe, you know that she literally has no clue what the word ‘papa’ means, right? It’s just gibberish to her. Everything is, really.”

“Let me live my life for once,” Phil says as Dan takes his seat beside Phil on the couch, laying his legs across his husband’s lap lazily, nonverbally asking for a foot massage. Phil, because he’s such a nice husband, does so instead of rejecting. Dan smiles as he opens up his laptop to scroll through Tumblr.

“I’m just saying that she’s not actually going to start talking until she’s much older. It’s a fact of life that you’re going to have to live with,” Dan explains, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

“But she’s saying ‘dada’ sometimes, and I feel left out that she hasn’t said my name yet,” Phil says.

“Like I said, dear, she doesn’t have any idea what she’s actually saying. She probably has no clue that ‘dada’ or ‘dad’ or whatever is me and ‘papa’ is you. To her, she’s just making some noises that sound like that.”

“It still hurts me,” Phil says.

“You’ll get over it,” Dan replies with a smirk on his face.

Phil rolls his eyes. “You’re the most supportive husband on the face of the planet.”

“Aren’t I?” Dan says, shrugging a shoulder. He turns his attention back to the laptop and begins scrolling through the “phan” tag on Tumblr, which he does often, to like fanart and some memes their fans make of him and Phil and whatever.

He used to always avoid the phan tag at all costs back when he and Phil weren’t out; he’d stay within “danisnotonfire” or “dan and phil” and similar tags, trying his hardest to stay away from the art that was technically depicting their romantic relationship, though sometimes he couldn’t help but like a piece of art that was so good, but also depicted, say, Heart-Eyes Howell or something like that. The viewers would, of course, freak out, but Dan would remain silent, as everyone expected him to.

But once he and Phil were out, Dan didn’t hesitate for too long to branch away from the regular Dan Howell artwork; he now felt he was able to fully appreciate some of that artwork. Viewers freaked out when they saw him liking art of him and Phil clearly being romantic or something of the sort, and it took quite a while for them to all calm down from that…Dan’s pretty sure they still freak out about it, but are probably just less vocal. Perhaps all the jokes they could make about it have been used.

But, yeah, Dan just loves looking through all the phanart and just seeing all their viewers supporting his and Phil’s relationship just makes him feel really good and really happy.

Somedays he thinks they shouldn’t have waited so long to tell them; yeah, in 2009 they were basically out (but just didn’t say anything), and then they pretended they were just friends for a long while, and then dropped hints the closer the date of their wedding got. But, they never actually told them until after their wedding. Dan almost thinks they should’ve told everyone when they got engaged, or perhaps sometime even before then; sometimes he thinks they waited way too long.

But he also, at the same time, is really happy they waited so long because their viewers were so calm and weren’t overly pushy to get information. When they got engaged, their viewers were still very aggressive with questions and were pushing the theory that they were together a great deal, so it felt a lot easier and calmer when he and Phil started dropping surprises on them to get them used to changes – the books, the tour, the films, the move, Dan’s rebrand, et cetera. They got them so used to all these surprises and used to seeing them being more almost flirtatious with each other that it was honestly no surprise when Dan and Phil announced they were together and had gotten married.

Sure, it still  _literally_  broke the internet, but it was still no surprise to their viewers.

And, honestly, Dan’s just happy with where they are now. He doesn’t have to worry about hiding his affection for Phil in public, he doesn’t have to pretend like Phil is just his friend, and he doesn’t have to do all these other things that he had to do previously. But at the same time, he’s really glad he had to do all that because it makes all of this just feel so worth it. It just feels easier, if that makes any sense.

He’s just happy, really. And thankful. And very fortunate. All those similar adjectives.

Among all the phanart are little posts from their viewers – comments about a video or whatever. A lot of people like to put little things about Emily; their viewers are absolutely obsessed with their daughter, as one could probably guess. They just love her, which warms Dan’s heart.

_“I hope sometime soon they make another DITL with Emily in it because she’s too cute and I need more of her in my life.”_

_“Guys I literally cannot stop thinking about how Emily is Dan and Phil’s daughter and she gets to see Dan and Phil every day and they get to see her every day and I’m so jealous of all three of them I can’t.”_

_“Emily is almost one year old and I just feel like time is passing by so quickly I legit remember them posting the YITL video like yesterday but it couldn’t have been that long ago it doesn’t feel like that we’re all dying omg”_

_“Whenever Emily shows up in a liveshow I can’t stop smiling she’s literally the cutest baby in the world”_

_“I swear the way Dan and Phil look at Emily is the most precious thing in the entire world it gives me heart palpitations”_

_“Emily is literally the luckiest baby in the world bc she has the most genuine and loving parents on the face of the planet”_

Dan smiles to himself as he reads that one. He moves the laptop around and shows it to Phil. Without a word, Phil leans forward and reads the short post. He smiles, the light in his eyes brightening. “Aw, that’s so nice,” he says, sitting back in his spot.

“I know,” Dan replies. He doesn’t like posts like this, so he leaves it be as he continues scrolling. “It’s so sweet of them that they think we’re good parents.”

Phil laughs and shakes his head. “Oh, c’mon, we’re not bad,” he says. “A little questionable at times, but not bad.”

Dan smirks. “But we’re not, like, fantastic, either.”

“We’re in that awkward in-between where we’re good, but not great.”

Dan chuckles and nods. “Accurate,” he replies. He hums in contentment as he continues to look at different posts. “You’re a good papa, though.”

Phil smiles softly. “You’re a good dad.”

Dan leans over and presses a small kiss to Phil’s lips. “Love you,” he says before going back to his scrolling.

“Love you, too.”

————————————————-

“She needs to stop figuring out how to do things,” Phil says with his hands on his hips as he observes Emily, who is right below him, holding onto the couch as she unsteadily moves across the furniture, basically walking, though they’re not counting these as her first steps.

This is an important mile stone –  a few months back she had learned how to sit upright without any help, around two or three months ago she learned how to roll over, last month she learned how to crawl, and now she’s holding onto furniture to help her walk and get to other places faster. This is important because it means she’s very interested in wanting to learn how to properly walk.

So, she’s taking the first steps (pun not intended) on her own by figuring out how to hold onto furniture and using that to help her get around. They knew she had been curious about learning how to do it, since she paid extra attention to watching Dan and Phil when they walk, which was a sign that she was ready to start doing it.

And now, here she is, doing it just fine for her first try, and it’s settling in that  _dear goodness_ , she’s growing up and is learning how to do so many things in such a short amount of time, and it just feels like this is all going by so fast.

Dan, who is filming the event on his phone right beside Phil, sighs. “She’s growing up, and I can’t keep up with all of this,” he adds, shaking his head. “She’s going to be fully walking soon, she’s going to be talking soon, and all this other stuff.”

Phil leans down and picks up Emily in his arms, holding the young child to his chest. Emily looks up confusedly at her papa, as if wondering why he was taking her away from the activity she had just been getting fairly good at doing.

“You need to stop growing up, okay? You need to stay little eternally,” Phil says to her.

“You are never allowed to get any older than you are right now,” Dan adds. “You will stay a little, tiny, innocent, pure human being for the rest of your life. We are forcing this upon you.”

Phil reaches over and takes Emily’s little hand in his. “Deal? Deal. There. It’s settled. You are never allowed to grow up.”

Dan pats his husband’s back. “Good work, Philly.”

Phil grins proudly at Dan, and Dan shakes his head and chuckle in response. “We’re such idiots,” he mutters.

———————————————-

They were still sending Emily to the daycare center every morning when they had to work. They found that Emily really, really enjoyed visiting it; the owner was lovely and nice, the other kids were fun for her to play with, and she always left with a happy smile on her face.

Whenever Dan and Phil were dropping her off, Emily always recognized the way they got there when she looked out the window, so she’d get all giggly and excited, and it just made Dan and Phil happy to see her like that.

A week after her first time at daycare, she did have a little cold, but not as bad as her first cold a few months back. She had the sniffles and a bad cough, but she recovered quickly, and it really wasn’t something they were worried about, unlike her first cold.

Everything just seemed to be going fine. Well…then something happened that freaked Dan and Phil out beyond belief.

It had just been a regular weekday – Emily had been dropped off that morning at daycare, and right after, Dan and Phil went to work, doing their usual visiting each other’s offices when they should’ve been working and procrastinating by sending each other random emojis that they didn’t know existed.

But then, randomly at some point after lunch with only around three hours before they were set to go home, Phil walked into Dan’s office, talking on the phone. Dan furrowed his eyebrows as he watched Phil motion for Dan to get up.

“What’s going on?” Dan mouths to him.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Phil says into the phone. “We’re on our way over to get her.”

This instantly freaked Dan out. Phil was clearly on the phone now with the daycare, but as to what, Dan has literally no idea. Why did they have to go pick her up? Did something go wrong? What was happening, and was Emily okay?

As if on autopilot, Dan shuts off his computer and grabs his phone and keys. He follows Phil out of his office, shutting off the lights and locking up the door after while Phil finishes his call.

“What’s going on?” Dan asks again as Phil leads him down the hall, away from their offices. “Why are we leaving?”

“Em fell,” Phil explains. “She figured out how to climb onto a chair, and she wasn’t really playing attention and she slipped off and fell. She hurt her head, so we’re just going to take her and bring her home.”

“Did she say how bad it was?” Dan asks, feeling a pain in his chest. “Like, how bad her injury is?”

“She didn’t; she said there’s a bruise, but not how bad it is. She just won’t stop crying apparently, so we might need to take her to the doctor.”

Dan pouts as he feels a sickening feeling settle in his stomach. It hurts him to think that she’s in pain without them being there to help mend it right away. Whether the pain is not that bad or the opposite, it’s still scary to think of her in pain and he and Phil aren’t there with her to comfort her. It’s scary to them, and it’s one of the things they were worried about with sending her to daycare.

They weren’t worried with Martyn and Cornelia because they knew they would watch her every move, but at a daycare, a caretaker can’t single out one kid to watch over all of them, and Dan and Phil do understand that; they’re not blaming her whatsoever for what happened, but it would have just been easier to prevent if they’d left Emily alone with Phil’s brother.

They’re just worried sick, as any parent would be in this kind of situation, and it’s not really easy to figure out anything out because they’re so focused on making sure that their child is fine.

—————————————

Phil had already informed their boss that they wouldn’t be at work for the rest of the day so they could tend to their injured child. Luckily he understood and let them go. And since head injuries are so unpredictable, he said if they needed to stay home tomorrow, they were allowed to do so. Dan and Phil were absolutely thankful to have such an understanding boss.

So, they headed straight on their way to the daycare, hoping nothing too terrible was going on with Emily’s injury. The thing that Dan couldn’t help but think about, however, was the fact that the floors were wood in the daycare, so he was just hoping that she hadn’t hit her head too badly and that everything was going to be fine.

When they arrived at the daycare, Emily’s face was tear-stained and a bright shade of red, but she was no longer crying. A bright purple bruise was already forming on her forehead, and Dan and Phil could only imagine just how much pain she must be in right now. She’s never really fallen or been dropped or anything, so this was new.

The caretaker apologized profusely for the incident, but Dan and Phil told her everything was fine; babies go through this kind of stuff all the time, and it definitely wasn’t her fault. It was just a little minor accident. Emily would be fine in no time…hopefully.

They decided to just take her home and see how things went, and if she didn’t get any better by tomorrow morning, they would take her to the doctor. Dan was praying that this wasn’t serious and that it was just a bump on the head, but honestly, you can never really tell with these kind of injuries. All Dan wanted to do was take away all of the pain she was probably feeling.

Dan sat in the back with Emily as Phil drove them home. Despite Emily not crying, she still looked like she was hurting a great deal. Who wouldn’t with a bruise as big as hers on their head?

It was a decent sized bruise – probably around two or three centimeters long, starting at the top of her forehead and going slightly into her hairline. It was a deep shade of purple now, and the colors were bound to change to even darker shades as they day progressed, and then it would gradually fade. But, it was swollen a lot, so they would definitely have to ice it once they got home.

She just looked like it hurt a lot, and Dan wished he could take the pain away from her. Honestly, he knows he’s definitely over reacting to this all, but he’s such an anxious parent and any injury just freaks him out. To most parents, they wouldn’t leave work just because their kid fell and hit their head, but to Dan and Phil, this was unbelievably scary and they needed to be with her straight away.

He’s really trying not to be a helicopter parent, but he’s also trying to not be his parents, who were distant and didn’t really care if something happened to him or his brother. They’d just say “suck it up and move on with your life”, and that never really settled right in Dan’s stomach.

He’s trying to be that middle where he he’s not too over-bearing but also not distant; the perfect combination. But, he’s still incredibly over-protective, as is Phil, and any thing that goes wrong just freaks him out. It seems like his plan of being the perfect middle doesn’t seem to be going quite well, as he’s definitely leaning towards the helicopter parent side more, as much as he really doesn’t want to be.

Because obviously he wants his child to have independence, but not  _too_  much. He just needs the perfect middle so everything just feels right.

When they got home, Phil put some ice in a plastic bag and wrapped it in a towel while Dan sat with Emily in the living room, cradling her wounded head close to his chest so she felt at ease and comforted. Phil sat down next to them and handed the bag of ice to Dan.

Dan settled the bag of ice on top of Emily’s wound. Emily closed her eyes at first, the coldness of the ice chilling her at first, but she relaxed quickly afterwards. “Does that feel nice?” Dan asks her in a gentle voice. “I hope it does. You really hit yourself hard there.”

“It was a nasty bruise,” Phil says. “It’ll unfortunately be sticking around for a while, I’m guessing.”

“But let’s hope it’s nothing more than a bruise,” Dan replies, pulling his legs up onto the couch. Phil drapes his arm around the back of the couch, behind Dan’s head. “I really don’t want to visit the doctor again.”

“I’m sure it’ll all be fine,” Phil replies. “I don’t think it’s a concussion or anything. She hasn’t thrown up or seemed really disoriented. It was probably just a bad fall.”

“I hope so,” Dan says. He lets out a sigh as he runs a hand down Emily’s back.

Phil knows this look like the back of his hand – Dan has something on his mind but isn’t willing to say it aloud, but luckily because Phil knows Dan so well, he can guess exactly what he’s thinking about.

“We can send her to Martyn and Cornelia tomorrow if need be,” Phil says. “Like, if she’s fine and we can go to work, but we don’t want to send her to daycare if you don’t want to.”

Dan thinks about that prospect for a brief amount of time. He’s tempted; it would be rather simple to just send Emily to Martyn and Cornelia for a day or two, where they knew that she was going to be watched at every second so she doesn’t get hurt or whatever. Martyn and Cornelia only have to pay attention to her and not anyone else, so it sounds safer, doesn’t it? It’s an environment where she wouldn’t get hurt, right?

But as Dan thinks about it more, he realizes that, yeah, Emily is learning to walk and is getting used to crawling, so she’s bound to get hurt…right? It happens.

It’s a completely normal thing for a child to fall and get hurt. It’s ordinary for any person to fall and get hurt. It’s a thing in life they really don’t have control over. So, what would be the point in sending Emily to Martyn and Cornelia when she has the same chances of falling when she’s over there? There’s literally no point in keeping her from the daycare. Like, that wouldn’t change anything whatsoever.

Dan shakes his head. “I don’t want to, like, put her off from going to daycare again just because she fell. I mean, babies fall all the time, so…you know? Keeping her away from the place she fell wouldn’t really do any good or bad.”

“True,” Phil says, smiling proudly down at Dan. He presses a kiss to the side of his husband’s face. “Why are you so smart?”

Dan laughs and shakes his head. “To keep you in check.”

———————————————–

The next day, it almost seemed as if Emily’s caretaker was surprised to see Dan and Phil arrive to drop Emily off for daycare.

Emily was doing fine; the bruise clearly still hurt, as it was so fresh, but she didn’t appear to have a concussion or anything bad. She seemed smiley and happy, but if she was sat still doing nothing for too long, she would start to dwell on the pain in her head, and that’s when things turned bad. She didn’t sleep all the way through the night without stopping, like she had been doing, so Dan and Phil let her sleep with them in their room, where they cradled her and cuddled with her when she woke up in the middle of the night.

They might be tired, but at least Emily was fine.

“It’s nice to see you guys back,” the caretaker says as Dan passes Emily over to her. She holds her closely and bounces her in her arms. “Is she okay from yesterday?”

Dan nods his head as he sticks his hands in his pockets. “It’s just a bad bruise. She’s fine. Nothing too serious.”

“Yeah, I fell on my head all the time when I was a baby,” Phil adds.

“That explains a lot,” Dan replies jokingly, gently elbowing his husband in the ribs. Phil jokingly frowns at him, and Dan shrugs his shoulders casually.

The caretaker laughs. “Well, I’ll be sure to keep an extra eye on her today to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“Awesome,” Dan and Phil say simultaneously.

“Well, we’ll leave you to it, then; we’ve got to get on,” Phil adds afterwards. They hear Emily squeal, and they both look over at her, seeing that she has just started waving bye to them (well, she’s just shaking her arm around in the air, but they’re counting it as waving). They both “aw” at the same time and wave bye to her as well.

“Bye, Em! We’ll see you after work,” Dan says.

“Bah!” Emily replies, as if trying to say “bye”. Dan places a hand over his chest, as if trying to slow down his heartrate, looking as if he’s on the verge of tears (hint: he definitely would be).

“Okay, we need to leave before we never let her go,” Phil says, tugging Dan away to the front door. Dan insists on waving to Emily more, but he only gets dragged away by his husband, off to the boring world of work.

Somedays they really do miss having Emily all to themselves all day…

…scratch that:  _every_  day.


	11. Month 11

Dan and Phil have always recognized that Emily was growing up. They realized, like, during her second month of life that she was not going to stay the little newborn baby she was when they first got her back on the 31st of October– she wasn’t going to remain tiny and little and dependent on them and whatever. They realized she was going to grow up…fast.

When Emily was first born, she weighed less than four kilograms. Now, at eleven months old, she’s eight kilo, over twice her birth weight. When Emily was first born, she could only lie in people’s arms or stay in her crib. Now, she is crawling, walking with the help of furniture, and is on the verge of taking her first actual steps. When she was born, she could only drink formula. Now, she is starting to eat regular food because she  _now has teeth_  (as in she didn’t have teeth when she was first born, obviously, but it’s just to help the point that  _HOLY CRAP_   _EMILY IS GROWING UP_ ).

She’s communicating more, she’s sleeping all the way through the night unless something is bothering her, and in one month, she’ll be  _one year old_.

She’s growing up so fast, and Dan and Phil don’t know what to do with themselves. Like, time has been flying so fast; it feels like just yesterday they were taking her home from the hospital for the first time. Hell, it feels like just yesterday they were in the infertility clinic, Emily only a mere  _idea_. And in just a few weeks, she’ll be a year old.

It’s almost scary to think about just how fast time is flying by. Like, literally, it feels like time is just zooming by at the speed of light, like things are moving almost too quickly for them to really process everything that’s going on. It’s like Emily is moving too fast for them to keep up – she’s discovering new activities and new actions and all these other things every single day, and it’s so difficult for them to keep up and fully comprehend all the things she’s learning and beginning to understand.

She’s so smart and so keen and she’s just learning all these things so fast, and Dan and Phil just can’t understand just how much she’s learning in such short amounts of time.

And then, of course, there’s just her growing: she’s doubled her birth weight, she’s taller than when she was born, her facial features are more defined and clearly showing similarities to Phil: she has his nose, the same color of eyes, all these things that you couldn’t really tell she had when she was born. And then her hair is getting longer, meaning she’s probably going to be needing to get her first haircut soon, which Dan and Phil are definitely going to be crying their eyes out when it happens.

It’s all so overwhelming now as they start to realize just how much is changing and how fast time is going by. Like, Emily isn’t as little as she used to be, and they’re only really starting to figure that out now. It’s settling in that Emily isn’t going to remain a little baby forever – she’s growing up, and it’s happening quickly.

It’s like they want her to remain little and small and dependent on them for eternity, but at the same time, they also, as any other parent would, want to see her grow into her own person. She already has so much personality that they can’t wait to see what she’ll be like when she’s older.

While, at the same time, wanting her to be young forever and forever reliant on him and Phil.

Maybe it’s the rush of the first year that’s making them like this – they always say the first year goes by the quickest, and maybe they’re feeling the effects of that. They’re beginning to understand what all those people meant when they said it would go by, and they’re just wanting to rewind and relive all these memories they’ve made with her.

They’re unbelievably blessed to have her, and they truly feel thankful for their little girl every single day of their lives. Every smile she makes, every sound she makes, every hug she gives, whatever she does is all just so amazing and wonderful and little things that Dan and Phil want to remember for the rest of their lives.

They know that Emily will literally not remember any of this, but what they want to help her at least feel some sort of happiness when she looks back on her childhood – she won’t remember specifics or anything, but perhaps that feeling of joy and happiness will appear.

When Dan looks back on his childhood, often times he doesn’t exactly feel happiness, which is very sad, he knows, but it’s the truth. Because he was often left on his own, the feeling of loneliness overshadows any happy moments. It almost hurts his chest just thinking about it, so he doesn’t often dwell on it.

But when he does, it just feels so…so  _lonely_  and sad, in a way. And it’s really hard, and he hates even just thinking about it.

He doesn’t want that for Emily – he wants her to feel the exact opposite whenever she thinks of her childhood. He wants her to just feel happy and warm and all these other cheesy emotions that just help brighten someone’s mood. He wants that for her. Even if she doesn’t remember anything form when she was this young, he wants that feeling to be there.

Dan hopes he is providing that for her.

Above all, he just wants Emily to be happy. He would do anything to make her happy. He would go to the ends of the world for her, and he knows for sure Phil would, too. She is such a special gift and they’re so fortunate to have her, and they would do anything for her.

And he’s just been dwelling on these things as Emily’s first birthday approaches. It’s basically been taking over his mind as the day draws near. Despite it still being a month away, he can’t help but keep it on his mind every single time he looks at Emily. It’s like every time he sees her, she’s grown up even more, and he just thinks about what it’s going to be like when Emily’s older.

He’s lying in bed with Phil late at night. It’s a weekend, so they’re staying up really late since they don’t have to get up early for work. Emily has gone to sleep a while ago, and the dogs are on the bed with them, and they’re on the verge of falling asleep.

Phil is reading one of his Stephen King books, the lamp on his nightstand turned on so he can see, whereas the lamp on Dan’s side is turned off, since he’s on his phone. Phil has his glasses on, and they’re dropping down his nose slowly, Phil occasionally lifting a hand up to push them back up to their original place.

Dan’s on his phone, looking through the pictures on his phone because he’s just feeling particularly sentimental tonight. His head is laid on Phil’s bare shoulder, his eyes trained on his screen as he scrolls through the images. Most of them were of Emily, which either he had taken, Phil had sent to him, or their friends had sent. Sometimes Dan sees a selfie of himself and Phil, which just makes his heart flutter like a teenager. Other times he’ll see a picture of the dogs doing weird things or just being cute, in a moment where Dan just felt the need to take out his phone and capture the moment.

But, if Dan’s being honest, around seventy-five percent of the images in his phone are just of Emily being her adorable self. A lot of the time, Dan just can’t help but take a picture or a short video of his adorable daughter, who never ceases to be beautiful and charming and honestly the most photogenic baby in the entire world.

Dan realizes that he often does things because he’s trying to be the opposite of his childhood. His parents never took video of him until he was four or five or whatever, and a lot of the only photos of his younger self are from when he was a teenager. Dan really only knows of a couple photos of him as a baby and as a child; there’s not a lot out there of him as a young child.

So, he tries his hardest to make sure to capture these memories with his own child so that she’ll be able to look back and see where she came from and see all these things that she experienced and that she went through.

And it’s not like an “F you” to his parents or anything that he’s doing it; it’s just him being like “I didn’t have a lot of memories captured in photo form when I was a child, and sometimes I can’t remember these moments of my life, and that’s hard, so I want to provide the things that I missed out on for my daughter”.

He understands why his parents don’t have that many pictures of him – they were young and busy when he was born, and they weren’t around to really capture a lot of the milestones or whatever, so there just wasn’t time or it wasn’t a priority.

But since Dan is able to do what his parents weren’t, he’s making it an effort to capture everything. In this moment, it’s mostly for him, but in all actuality, it’s going to be for Emily when she’s older.

Dan keeps scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling through his pictures, the months going back and back and back, going all the way back to when Emily was first born. He gets to the pictures from the day she was born – there’s a single picture of her in the ICU, and then all the others are pictures Kathryn took of him and Phil holding the newborn Emily.

Dan doesn’t even remember those pictures being taken – he remembers handing Kathryn the phone for, like, one picture of the three of them, but she ended up keeping the phone once he and Phil got completely distracted by their daughter, and she took a ton of other pictures. They’re mostly just of him and Phil just staring in complete awe at Emily, as if not truly believing she was there.

And, really, it was hard to believe in that moment that she was real. She had just been an idea for so long, and they had struggled to get her, what with going through the adoption process only for it not to work, and then the surrogacy process which also took months and months, and then the waiting for her to be born…it was such a long thing that it was so surreal to finally see her and have her in their arms.

Dan’s heart warms when he sees his favorite picture from that day: the one of just Phil holding Emily. Dan thinks this was actually during the first time he held her; his eyes are completely fixated on her, and he has this most genuine smile on his face, and it just makes Dan’s insides melt. It’s literally, like, the most beautiful picture he’s ever seen in his life.

Dan looks up at Phil, seeing that he’s still reading through his book intently. Dan smiles to himself as he turns off his phone and sets it aside on his nightstand. He reaches over to Phil and drapes an arm across his middle, adjusting his head so it’s more on his chest as well. Phil looks down at him and smiles, kissing the crown of his head before turning back to his book.

Dan lets out a sigh of content and closes his eyes. “I love you,” he whispers for no particular reason.

But it doesn’t matter because Phil leans down and kisses his forehead again, making Dan smile. “I love you, too,” he replies sincerely.

Dan nuzzles his nose into Phil’s chest, pressing a single kiss onto his skin. “Emily is growing up,” he whispers, since he can’t seem to get that off his mind.

Phil nods his head in agreement as he finishes reading the page he was on, and then uses the book jacket cover to mark his page. He sets the book aside and wraps and arm around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him closer to him. “She is,” he replies.

“She’s almost a year old,” Dan says. “We’ve had her for almost a year and I don’t believe it.”

“It’s all happened so quickly,” Phil replies, rubbing Dan’s bare shoulder with his thumb. “Can’t believe it’s already been nearly a year. It’s gone by so fast.”

Dan nods. “How does time go by that fast?”

Phil shrugs and shakes his head. “Time flies by when you’re having fun, I guess.”

Dan smiles fondly up at him before he leans fully up to press a quick kiss to his lips before they settle into bed, getting ready to go to sleep.

———————————

“Da,” Emily says from behind Dan. “Da!”

They’re in the parlor, and Emily is seated in front of the bookshelf that’s behind the couch, where Dan was seated at, responding to tweets from the viewers regarding the newest gaming video he had just posted. Phil’s out with the dogs, and Emily and Dan will be joining him soon. They’re trying to get outside as much as possible while the weather is still nice, because once winter hits, it’s going to be hard to actually want to go outside with the cold weather.

“I’m right here, Em,” Dan says without looking up from his phone. He finds a funny tweet from someone, and he tries to think of a similarly humorous response to it. He laughs to himself when he thinks of one, and he quickly types the response and tweets it, realizing only a few seconds later that there was definitely a typo. Typical.

“Dah! Ah!” Emily exclaims, and it sounds like she’s poking something.

“What’re you doing?” Dan questions, scrolling through a few more tweets.

“Dah! Ah! Dah! Ah!” Emily does again, only louder, and the sound of her either poking or hitting a thing getting louder as well.

Dan furrows his eyebrows and turns around, peering below the top of the couch and looking down  at the floor. He sees that Emily had apparently taken a copy of  _The Amazing Book is Not on Fire_  from the bookshelf and had it laid out in front of her, it open on one of the pages where it was just a picture of him and Phil – the one next to the page of reasons why Phil can’t have a hamster, where Phil is crossing his eyes and Dan is looking confusedly at him, a typical Dan and Phil interaction, really; one that she’s probably quite accustomed to. She’s pointing to Dan in the image.

“Dah!” she says. She moves her finger over to Phil. “Ah!” Since her vocabulary has bene slowly growing, she has started referring to Dan as “dah” and Phil as “ah”, but occasionally “pa” if she’s able to pronounce the “p”, though it can be quite difficult for her. She hasn’t yet said “dada” or “papa”, but she is getting rather close.

Dan laughs, seeing her go back and forth between the image of Dan and Phil, saying each of their names as she does so. Dan shakes his head as he sneakily takes a photo of it, making mental plans to try and come up with a funny caption for it (because it’ll definitely be going on Twitter, and probably Instagram and Tumblr as well because it’s just  _that_  cute). He gets up and walks over to her, kneeling down in front of her, wrapping his arms around her.

“You’re so precious,” he whispers before pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

“Dah!” Emily exclaims, snuggling herself close to him. She’s incredibly affectionate, which Dan and Phil just love and adore.

Dan laughs and snuggles close to her. “I love you, Darling.”

“Dah!”

Dan nods once. “I’ll take it.”

—————————————–

Louise was free one night and offered to watch over Emily so Dan and Phil could go out on a date.

Dates were becoming more common than they were when Emily was younger, which was definitely a help to the couple, despite how much they missed Emily by the time the date actually began. Though, they usually distracted each other from thinking about how much they missed their little daughter.

Except this time, Dan’s mind was preoccupied. It was almost October, which of course meant that Emily’s birthday was rapidly approaching. So was their two-year wedding anniversary (and, like, a billion years getting together anniversary technically on the same day) only a few days before her birthday.

They’re not sure if they’re going to do anything for their anniversary; maybe they’ll have Emily spend the night over at Louise’s or someone else’s house so he and Phil can have a full night to each other, but they haven’t really thought about it yet. But, they’re definitely going to celebrate because it’s just a super important date to them.

But, of course, Emily’s birthday is just as important, and that date – the 31st of October – just can’t escape their minds at all. It’s just the day that’s constantly reminding them of how fast time has been flying.  

They don’t think they’ll throw a party – they kind of want it to just be between the three of them (and the dogs, of course). Maybe they’ll take a short day trip to Manchester that weekend just because, but they’re planning on just spending the actual day at home with each other.

It’s coming so quick, and neither of them are really able to believe it.

And Dan’s had a particular thought on his mind for quite a while now – probably since Emily was around nine months old or so. He thinks he’s ready to share it with Phil, just to get his thoughts on it. He doesn’t expect anything to come of it right away, but perhaps just starting the conversation and getting him thinking about it would help.

“Everything is just happening all at once,” Dan says once they’re seated at a booth at a nice restaurant. Their table is next to the window, and they’re able to see the sun setting slowly down the horizon, providing a nice romantic atmosphere. Their hands are reached across the table, their fingers intertwined because they’re cheesy and romantic.

“It is, yeah; I really can’t believe it,” Phil replies. “Emily’s just growing up so fast, and it’s hard to believe she’s going to be walking and talking soon.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “And going to school soon as well. It’s weird.”

“It’s crazy.”

“But, like, the best kind of crazy,” Phil says, squeezing Dan’s hand in his. “And I am quite excited to see where this is all going to take us.”

Dan smiles as he glances out the window. He clears his throat as he drums his free knuckles on the wood of the table. “Um…I’ve actually been kind of thinking about something,” he says, deciding that now might be a good time to tell him about his thought.

“What?” Phil asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

Dan bites his bottom lip and looks down at the table, using his free hand to now trace the patterns in the wood of the table. “Well, Emily  _is_  growing up really fast…”

“Yeah…?”

“Like… _really_  fast.”

Phil laughs and nods. “Yeah, indeed she is. What’s this about?”

Dan sighs, and it releases some kind of tension in his shoulders. “Well, we always agreed that we’d have more than one…one child, I mean.”

Phil nods his head, understanding where Dan is going with this now. It’s quite obvious now, Phil’s not going to lie.

“What would you think about having another?” Dan asks. “Like, not right away, of course, but…soon, maybe? Like, once she’s a little bit older or so.”

Phil laughs and squeezes Dan’s hand. “We always agreed on having two or three, didn’t we?”

“We always did, yeah,” Dan says. “And I think Emily would be a great older sister once she gets a little bit older, and…I don’t know…this was just a really incredibly journey, this past year, you know? I’d love to go through it again.”

“It really was incredible,” Phil agrees.

“So…yeah,” Dan finishes, letting out a noise afterwards that sounds like a mix between an exhale and a cough.

Phil grins. He squeezes Dan’s hand tightly, rubbing his thumb across the back of his hand. “And, you know, we always said our second one would be yours.” He winks at his husband.

Dan shrugs his shoulders and blushes lightly.

“Well, I’d love to have another one, yeah, but I  _do_  think we should wait a bit. Maybe a year or two before we actually start, like, planning it. Surrogacy, obviously, since adoption just doesn’t seem to be working out for us.” He clears his throat and nods his head. “But, yeah, a few years, of course. Not right away.”

Dan nods his head. “I agree.”

Phil gives a toothy grin. “But of course I’d love to have another child. I’m sure I’m going to be missing changing twenty thousand diapers and making thirty four million bottles and missing twenty seven hours of sleep a day once Emily gets a bit older.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “The best time of our lives.”

Phil laughs. “Obviously.” He squeezes Dan’s hand again. “I really love you, Bear, and I’m so glad I get to build this family with you.”

Dan blushes even redder and ducks his head. “You’re so cheesy,” he mumbles.

“It’s my specialty,” Phil replies, lifting Dan’s hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss there. “But really: I love you.”

Dan shakes his head and firmly holds onto his husband’s hand, feeling the wedding ring around his ring finger, which just sends chills down his spine and releases butterflies in his stomach, even after all these years. “I love you, too.” 


	12. Month 12

“Baby’s first shoes, and I’m on the verge of crying,” Dan says as he and Phil walk into the baby aisle at a shoe shop. Emily is in Phil’s arms, looking like she’d rather be fast asleep than in here looking for shoes.

Emily’s almost a year old – just a few weeks away from the big day. It’s exciting, it’s very special, and it’s causing Dan a lot of anxiety, as you can probably guess. He’s still just not ready to let her grow up even more. If he could keep her this age forever, he would.

But, that’s selfish, and you can’t magically pause time, so Dan’s stuck with watching his little girl turn one year old and begin a whole other twelve months of growing and learning and all this other wonderful stuff. He is excited, yeah, but he is mostly just hoping time will slow down for a little bit longer.

But, anyway, a few days ago, they got the okay at their doctor’s appointment for them to purchase Emily’s first pair of shoes since she’s very close to taking her first steps. She is getting better at using the furniture to help, but she’s mostly just been crawling everywhere. Dan and Phil have tried to help her walk by one or both of them holding onto her hands, and she managed to take one step before falling down onto the floor.

So, she’s not as ready as some babies are at this age, but she’s getting there. She can at least stand on her own for a decent amount of time, which is pretty good, but she’s just not yet ready to take her first steps. It’ll happen soon though, so they’re obviously very excited (though Dan will probably cry when it happens, not that it’s surprising).

“Okay, so something probably with Velcro or something would be a good idea,” Phil says as he sets Emily down on the floor. She remains standing for a few seconds before lowering herself to the carpeted floor, sitting comfortably. She also reaches forward and tugs her socks off, setting them beside her.

She’s recently started to just take off her socks from her feet, which Phil is definitely in denial about, since everyone knows he is basically constantly wearing socks (and, unpopular opinion, he loves wear socks in bed).

When he and Dan first noticed Emily doing it, Dan laughed and told Phil that Emily was not his biological daughter if she didn’t constantly wear socks. Phil fought back and said she definitely was his because when she takes off her socks, she leaves them everywhere. Dan would frown and say, “you told me you were going to stop doing that!” while Phil laughed in response.

Dan reaches over to the shelf of baby shoes and looks through them. “Okay, and they don’t label the shoes by how old a baby is, which doesn’t really help,” he points out.

With the onesies and other baby clothes, it was always really easy to find out what size Emily needed because she usually just followed the pattern of if she’s, say, eight months old, she wears the clothes labeled for eight month old babies, and usually it would work. Sometimes, like if she had a growth spurt or something, she’d have to go a size up, but she was pretty consistent with the sizing.

But apparently for shoes, they like to label them as just small, medium, and large and are just like “figure it out”, so it’s not as easy as just picking out clothes based on how old she is.

“These ones have flames on them,” Phil says as he pulls out a pair of small black shoes that look fairly similar to tennis shoes but instead have a Velcro strap, and there are red and orange flames on the side.

Dan laughs as he takes the shoe from him and puts it back into the box he had taken it out of. “If we got those for her, she’d be the most stylish child out there,” he replies sarcastically.  

“She would,” Phil replies, sifting through the other open boxes that are on the shelf.

“Or we could get her these monstrosities,” Dan jokingly suggest, pulling out a pair of shiny gold shoes.

Phil laughs and shakes his head. “Those are terrible!” he exclaims. “Who even thought to make those?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Dan replies as he chucks the shoes back into their box, putting it back on the shelf. “No, but really, what kind of shoes are we getting for her? Like, what style or whatever would be good?”

“I don’t think something too constraining would be good,” Phil says, “since she hasn’t actually started fully walking yet.”

“And because her feet are growing and whatever,” Dan adds. Phil nods his head in agreement. Dan then leans down to Emily and holds out his hand for her. “Wanna look with us, baby?”

“Dah!” Emily says as she crawls over to her dad’s hand. Dan gestures for her to look through the boxes on the lowest shelf. Dan runs his hand over the top of her head, and then goes back to look at all the shoes in front of him. Emily begins moving the tissue paper in the boxes, putting them on the floor so she is able to look at the shoes a lot better.

“They have way too many options. Like, how are we supposed to pick just one pair?” Dan asks, gesturing to all the boxes. “They can’t expect that from me. I’m going to need to get, like, twenty.”

“We’re here for  _one_  pair, so we’re going to pick out  _one_  pair that works out fine, and then we’ll come back once she grows out of it,” Phil answers, looking at a pair of white and blue shoes. “It’s that simple.”

“But we’re going to need different shoes for different outfits,” Dan pouts, holding onto his husband’s arm. “I need  _options_.”

“Dan, this is our daughter, not a doll. We’ll be fine with one pair.”

“But  _Phil_. I need options and I need shoes to go with different outfits.”

“Dan, we’re not getting more than one pair.”

“But Phil, I can’t make decisions!”

“That’s exactly why we shouldn’t get more than one pair, Daniel.”

“Phil-“

“If we got more than one pair of shoes, you would take forever every single day to pick one out for her to wear.”

Dan places his hands on his hips and shakes his head. “I disagree.”

“Do you, now?” Phil says jokingly as he fishes through a few more boxes, looking to see if any of the options are ones that appeal to him. Right as he’s about to say something else, he hears Emily below  him say “Papa”.

Both of them look down at Emily, only to find her holding a pair of bright green shoes that look like flats but have a stretchy band that would help keep it on her foot. It has a pretty bow and white polka dots placed all around it. It was very cute, but Dan doesn’t look too happy about Emily’s choice.

“Is that the one you want?” Phil asks, crouching down in front of her.

“Ah!” Emily says, shaking the shoe in the air.

“I think that mean a yes,” Phil says as he takes the shoe from Emily to try it on her foot.

Dan scrunches up his nose. “But it’s green. That won’t go with, like, anything we have.” He shakes his head. He’s the one who dresses Emily every single day, and if he has to be the one to deal with putting on those green shoes with an outfit that doesn’t go with it, he’s going to be extremely upset.

“We’ll make it work,” Phil says as he puts the other shoe on. They look like they fit comfortably. “Do they feel okay, Em?” He helps her stand up so she can get a feel for how they are. She giggles as she looks down at them. “I think she likes them.”

“But  _I_ don’t like them,” Dan argues.

“Unfortunately, you can’t always get what you want,” Phil replies, setting Emily back down on the floor so he can take the shoes off and put them in the box so they can buy them.

Dan shakes his head and slumps his shoulders. “You’re a terrible person, and I will not stand for this abuse you are showcasing in front of our daughter.”

Phil shrugs his shoulders. “Oh, well.”

“I would curse right now, but there is a small child in front of us, so I’ll restrain from doing so because I’m a good person, unlike you.”

“Okay.”

“ _Phil_ , you’re supposed to be upset-“

——————————————-

On the 19th of October, it was Dan and Phil’s anniversary of the start of their relationship, as well as being their second wedding anniversary. They decided last minute that they were going to take a weekend trip with Emily to Manchester to celebrate.

This was Emily’s first time on a train for a prolonged period of time, and luckily for Dan and Phil, she was completely fine the entire time. She didn’t seem bothered by it at all; she kept herself busy as they took the trip.

They stayed with Phil’s parents and didn’t really do a whole lot while they were in the city – it was just a time for them to relax and be together as a little family. But when they arrived in the Piccadilly station – the first place where they met in real life – when they got to Manchester, they were both hit with this wall of nostalgia and realization of how fast time has gone by.

To remember that all those years ago, twenty-two and eighteen years old, they met for the first time, not really knowing what was going to become of this blossoming relationship. They were scared, nervous, anxious, all those emotions bundled up together.

They had no idea what was going to happen to them as time went on. They had no idea they were going to grow as popular as they are now, they had no clue they were going to travel the world together, build this epic empire, release books and films, or go on a stage show tour together. Hell, they didn’t even know they were even going to get married or start a family shortly thereafter.

And it’s weird to be here, where they’re older and grown up, still together, remembering where they were when they first got together. Dan was a depressed, anxious teenager who had found someone who actually listened to him and was interested in him instead of pushing him to the side like he was nothing. Phil was going through the issue of not knowing what the heck he was doing with his life – was YouTube going to be a liable career? Was this what he was meant to do? If it failed, was he going to have to fall back on something he didn’t love doing?

They’ve changed so much – they’ve seen each other grow up into who they are now, and it’s just so unbelievable, despite it having really happened. They were almost completely different people when they first met, but they’ve helped each other evolve and grow into who they are now, and that’s probably the most amazing thing to think about.

They are truly the people who bring out the best qualities in each other. That’s such a clichéd, over-used statement, but Dan and Phil know for sure that it’s true. They always say that your soulmate is the one person who shows you all the good qualities you have, and Dan swears to God that they’re the living embodiment of that phrase. Once again, clichéd and over-used, but it’s so, so, so,  _so_ unbelievably true.

It’s weird how being back in this station on the anniversary of the day they met and got together and just feeling all these things he felt back then in 2009. He and Phil go to this station many other times throughout the year, but all the nostalgia and cheesiness doesn’t come out until the 19th of October. It’s probably just the power of the date itself. It has so much importance and meaning to Dan that all the emotions just build up until he lets them free on the actual date.

He’s a freaking cheesy-ass husband who is literally the most sentimental and cliché person on the face of the planet, and he knows that, and honestly, he’s not afraid to show it. If there was an award for the cheesiest significant other, he would get it in a heartbeat.

And, really, he wasn’t this way until he was with Phil. When he was with his ex-girlfriend before Phil or any of the other girls he was with for a short amount of time, he was honestly really…calm, he guesses you can say. He wasn’t really too worried about remembering dates or giving presents or showing affection too openly.

Really, he constantly forgot anniversaries, he forgot Valentine’s Day, and he always got Christmas presents last minute (hence that one time Dan mentioned in one of his videos where he gave one of his good friends a chocolate bar when she had made him a scrapbook…he still feels bad about that to this day), and he always shied away from saying how he felt or whatever.

That was his main problem: he was very closed off and never really showed or expressed many emotions to people close to him. He kept that to himself and never was outward about it. He just felt like that was best –no one really wanted to hear how he felt, did they? No one really cared if he was having a bad day or if he was feeling anxious or sad or whatever. No one gave a shit.

But with Phil, that was all changed. Not right away – Dan was definitely very quiet about his emotions at first, not really being too open, but as time progressed, he realized Phil trusted him.

He realized how much Phil told him – Phil literally told him everything, from how his day was to how he felt when someone called him a name when he was ten years old or something. He didn’t ever really keep anything from Dan, and that made him realize that Phil really did trust him to know these things.

And as he thought about it more, he realized that he felt the exact same way about Phil. He could trust him to keep any secret he told him, and he could trust him to not judge him for some things he thought or whatever.

So, he started being more open. He started sharing his emotions about things, telling him about things he never thought he’d ever say out loud, and many other things. And Phil just listened, asked questions when Dan was done talking, and was never, ever, judgmental. He just wanted to hear about him and help him with anything he needed help with, and that’s more than Dan could ever ask for.

And, of course, from there, the feelings for him just grew and grew, and he started flirting with him and nonchalantly mentioning that perhaps he wanted more than a friendship with Phil, which are things that he never would’ve done. Perhaps it was the braveness that came with doing it over Skype and not being actually in front of his face, or maybe it was something else. Dan thinks it’s a mix of being more confident because of Skype, while another part of it was Phil bringing out the cheesiness in him.

And a few months after starting to talk to him, they met in real life, right here, in Piccadilly station. The train had been late, his phone was on the verge of dying halfway through the ride from Wokingham because his charger had unplugged in the middle of the night, and he was tired from lack of sleep due to his excitement and also from not having had coffee yet that day.

But when he arrived at the station, every ounce of anxiety he felt melted away when he saw Phil waiting for him, back away from the crowd of people walking through the station and getting off the train. Everything just fell into place, everything felt right in the world, and it was just the best moments of Dan’s life.

And look at where they are now: still together, still very much in love and falling in love with each other every single day, and they have this wonderful daughter with them as well. These are all things Dan never imagined he would ever have. If you had asked Dan in 2009 if he thought he would ever have a little family of his own, he would’ve shook his head. But look at where he is now. It’s unbelievable how much he’s changed over these past years, but luckily it’s all been for the better.

He wouldn’t ask for anything different in his life ever. His life is just so phenomenal and amazing, and he’s so happy. He never thought he was ever able to be this happy, but he’s so thankful that he has been gifted with all these wonderful things in his life.

It’s crazy how being back in a truly memorable and important place in your history makes you think these kinds of things.

But, yeah, they got there in mid-morning on the actual day of their anniversary, but they didn’t actually start celebrating it until the night of. Kathryn and Nigel watched over Emily while Dan and Phil went out on a date – they went to the Skybar because they’re nostalgic, took a walk around the city, and then returned back to the house and had their fun for the evening before turning in early. It was a simple day, but it was nice.

“Happy anniversary,” Dan had whispered after they settled down in bed. His eyes were already closed, and he was on the verge of falling asleep.

“Here’s to many more,” Phil mumbled quietly, his face pressed against the pillow.

Dan smiled and nuzzled his nose against Phil’s chin. “Here’s to many more.”

—————————————–

And soon enough, only less than two weeks later, it was time for another celebration – Emily’s first birthday.

Before the day arrived, Dan’s not going to admit – he was in denial. He was not believing that his little girl was already a year old. There was no way – he had only just gotten her, so she was not already one year old. Time doesn’t go by that fast.

But, indeed, it was her birthday, and she was now a year old.

It’s weird – she’s been with them for a year. Like, for a full year, she’s been theirs. She’s been their daughter, and they’ve watched her grow and discover the world and realize all these things that are so new to her but are so obvious to Dan and Phil.

She’s such an innocent, pure human who has so many things to discover in this world. Like, seeing her discover the things of this world and how amazing it all is just made Dan learn to appreciate the little things in life.

He always thinks back to the time when Emily first learned to smile when she was less than a month old. There was this little girl, who was so new to this life and everything that comes with it. And there she was, smiling for the first time. She hadn’t ever smiled before, but she had just figured out the facial muscle movements it took to smile. And once she fully figured out how to do it, she was doing it constantly because she loved the feeling of this brand new action.

To everyone else, smiling is a simple action that they’re so accustomed to doing that they don’t even think about it. To everyone, if they were asked if they remember when they started smiling, they’d respond with “I’ve been doing it for as long as I remember” most of the time.

But Dan had witnessed the time when Emily learned how to smile – it was funny at first, just watching her try to mimic him and Phil. She had no clue what to do to make that facial expression, but she kept trying to copy her parents and get it right.

And when she figured out how to do it, she wouldn’t stop doing it. That action became her favorite thing to do.

She was so excited that she learned one simple action; it was this little simple thing that everyone else knows how to do perfectly, but to her, it was so new and amazing and she just wanted to do it all the time once she learned how to.

Dan shakes his head. She’s completely and utterly amazing.

Before she was born, Dan wasn’t sure how this all was going to work out. He’d always joked that he never thought he was qualified to be a parent despite how much he truly wanted to be one. He never thought he would be good at it – it took him a long time to figure out how to properly take care of himself, so how was he supposed to figure out how to do that while also taking care of a human who is completely and utterly dependent on him?

It was so nerve-wracking; all the classes and books and whatever he used to help prepare him were honestly, like, no help whatsoever once Emily arrived. Babies are unpredictable, and Dan realized that when they took her home for the very first time the day after she was born. He wasn’t always sure of what to do, and it was very difficult. He felt so unsure of himself for quite a while.

He remembers just being up at night, thinking about what more he could do or what he could change about how he parents her and all this other stuff. There were so many other people in the world who are so much better at this than he was.

But Emily is so unbelievably worth it, and he’d be willing to go through all the unknowingness all over again for her. He loves her so much that words cannot even describe. She means the world to him, and he would do anything for her.

He’s so thankful because so many people who are like him and Phil don’t always get the chance to have their own family. People who deserve a family far more than he and Phil sometimes get rejected and aren’t allowed to have one because people are still so rude and mean to “not normal” people.

But, every day, Dan just finds a new reason to be thankful for his little girl.

On the evening of Emily’s birthday, the little girl dressed in a brand new dress to match the new shoes Dan had bought her (he couldn’t stand just having the green ones, so he begged Phil to let him go out and get something more versatile), Dan and Phil celebrate her birthday as just the three of them. They’ll celebrate with friends and family later, but for the actual day, they wanted it to just be with their little family.

They had purchased cupcakes with rainbow frosting and yellow cake as her birthday cake. They stuck a lit candle in one of them and put it in front of Emily, who looked very excited to have her first cake.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Emily! Happy birthday to you!” Dan and Phil sang to her, though Emily probably has no idea what was going on.

Dan and Phil blow out the candle for her, and they clap for her as Emily giggles.

“How old are you? How old are you? How old are you? How old are you?” they sing afterwards, once Dan has removed the candle from the cake, that way Emily doesn’t try to eat that, because she literally would actually try to eat it.

“Ah!” Emily shrieks, lifting her hands in the air.

Dan and Phil laugh. “Close enough,” Phil says, running his hand over Emily’s head. “Happy birthday, Emily!”

“You’re one year older, and I’m surprised I haven’t started crying yet,” Dan says, leaning against the chair as he watches Emily bury one of her hands into the frosting on top of the cupcake, getting it all over her hands.

Phil wraps his arms around his husband, kissing the side of his head. “You’re holding it together.”

Right as he says that, Dan sniffles and laughs to try and hide the fact that he feels like crying. He lays his head on Phil’s shoulder, keeping himself close. “Not anymore.”

Phil presses his nose into his hair and kisses the top his head. “We’ve done it. We’ve made it through the first year.”

Dan laughs. “And now we’ve got plenty more to go,” he replies. He lets out a long sigh, feeling pressure in his shoulders subside.

“Excited to see where the future takes us?” Phil questions.

Dan smiles. “Of course,” he replies, holding tightly to his husband as he stares at his daughter, who is happily eating her cake, the frosting smearing in a comedic manner all over her face. He chuckles lowly to himself before looking back up at Phil. “But can I ask something?”

“Yeah,” Phil answers.

“Let’s take baby steps, yeah? Not go too fast with everything. I want to savor all of this and…and, yeah, not allow time to go by too fast.”

Without hesitation, Phil nods his head. “Yeah,” he answers. “Let’s take baby steps.”


End file.
